New phone "better in some way", experts agree

The new phone recently released today by one of the electronics giants has been hailed by experts as "slightly better in some way than the one you already have".

"Processor speed, camera quality, screen resolution, AI integration - many of these are probably a slight improvement on the previous model. Maybe even all of them."

However, they warned that demand for the new model is likely to be so high, there may be a wait of several weeks before you can get your hands on one.

"By which time we'll be telling you to buy something else."

image by Grok

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In future, NHS hospital will be required to have separate corridors for patients who are men

The NHS has announced separate corridors for patients who are men, patients who are women, patients who are men pretending to be women, patients who women pretending to be men, patients who decline to choose, patients who do choose but who decline to declare which their preference is, straight corridors, gay corridors, miserable corridors, one-way corridors and corridors which run both ways.

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Russian bots “got Myha’la voted off Celebrity Traitors”

In a drearily predictable response to current events, someone with too much free time has claimed that “Russian bots” were responsible for American actress Myha’la being voted off Celebrity Traitors last week.

“I realise there’s literally no way that could have happened,” said Arthur Moist, speaking through one of his many online identities, “since the decision was made by the other celebrities in the room without reference to the internet. 

“Nevertheless, I’ve been blaming every event I dislike on Russian bots for the past 10 years, so I’m hardly likely to stop now.”

However, Moist was dismayed to see another rumour gaining traction on social media - that Myha’la was voted off by people prejudiced against names with punctuation marks in them.

”Just look at what happened to Da-sylv*, Le#She;thaun and &ta%lon@ in previous series - all voted off in the first week. At least, they would have been if they were real people and I hadn’t just made them up.”

image from Grok

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