Trillionaires' Shortbread maker goes into receivership

It was a classic case of 'spot the gap in the market'. Two entrepreneurs from San Jose built a business making Trillionaires' Shortbread to satisfy the tastes of people like Elon Musk and, er, Elon Musk.

'People like Elon shouldn't have to put up with mere Billionaires' Shortbread', one of the identical whizzkids said. 'You might as well serve him Millionaires' Shortbread or Middle Management Shortbread. The notion!'

Musk's trillionairedom was so short lived that the pair didn't sell a single bar and have had to tell their backers that their money has vanished. On the plus side this creates a new market for Recently Impoverished Shortbread which is just a plain biscuit.

No pedants were harmed in the making of this story.

image from Grok

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Trump promotes Crypto-Diapers

A spokesman for the President said today that the president 'is proud to promote Trump Crypto-Diapers, they're bigly good for sh!t that stinks and act as diapers as well'.  

Trump has been criticised for his meme coins and other crypto endeavours, although as he has gained (allegedly) $1.2B from them while his supporters, who bought them (allegedly) lost a similar amount to the exact penny suggests someone in the administration knows what they're doing - screwing MAGA, for starters,

'I said I don't need diapers,' the President is alleged to have said, 'but they told me that wearing them would encourage other red-blooded Americans to buy Trump Crypto-Diapers.  So I wear them. I don't need them, but it's really convenient to not have to leave an important meeting just because I need a bigly sh!t.  Or disturb my sleep when in an important meeting to have a bigly sh!t,' he said.  When asked who told him to wear them he variously said 'some big boys or a guy in the office' before settling on, 'the one who told me to bomb Iran, invade Greenland and hides my teddy at night unless I sign the Executive Orders he puts under my nose'.

Stephen Miller was unavailable for comment.  Allegedly.

image by Grok

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Met Office issues bland weather warning

As the heatwave recedes, the Met Office has issued a rare, bland weather warning for most of the UK. A bland weather warning means there is a danger to motivation with many people saying they can’t be bothered going into work and describing it as if someone has lain a damp unwashed dish cloth over their hopes and aspirations.

'The area affected by the bland weather warning can be seen in beige, shown here as a pale sort of yellowy, sandy, grey, almost like an off-white,' explained BBC weather forecaster Tomasz Schafernaker. 'Temperatures are expected to peak at around 16 or 17 degrees centigrade, unusually low for this time of year.'

The Met Office has also declared the weather for the final week of June as the most boring recorded since records began. But when asked to check the earlier records the staff in question responded, 'Can’t this wait, it just feels too dull out there, it’s like there’s a grey sheet over everything, it feels muggy, but also like it might rain, and I feel tired, like I’m coming down with something…'

Image credit: deep dream generator (which clearly doesn't understand thermometers)