Tufty Club offers safety tips for ships crossing the Strait of Hormuz

The International Maritime Organisation is bringing back Tufty the Squirrel to offer advice to ships' captains as they try and make it through the perilous Strait of Hormuz.

"Look right, look left, then look right ahead," says the iconic cartoon character - the star of British TV road safety films in the 1960s and 1970s - in a series of recent Instagram posts.

"Listen out for the sound of missiles or drones," continues the perky Tufty, "and always tell a grown-up where you're going.

"But not if that grown-up is Donald Trump, because his navy will just hit your vessel with missiles and board it. Or the Islamic Revolution Guard Corps, because they'll set you on fire and sink you.

"On second thoughts," says Tufty, his bushy tail noticeably sagging, "you'd be better off just closing your eyes and making a mad dash to the other side, hoping to hell no one gets you."

Tufty is 65 years-old in going nuts years.

Research by sperm whales shows human speech is similar but laughable

Research by sperm whales has revealed that human beings are able to communicate by using noises which are grouped together to form 'words' and 'sentences', just like whales.

The resulting 'conversations' are similar to that of sperm whales, only researchers found that, although human beings said a lot, it often didn't amount to very much.

Doctor Dorsal Finn, lead researcher at Sea World in Florida where he and his colleagues interact with an audience five times a week, said: 'We've had great success at training audiences to cry 'Ooo!' and 'Ahh!' at specific moments. Crazy thing is, humans think they are so sophisticated, but they spend a lot of time talking to glass screens instead of to each other.'

'Some of them complain about not being able to say anything any more. As they're saying it. Over and over again.'

'Not only that, some of the signals we've picked up from the coast of Mar-a-Lago show that human beings are capable of great stupidity - but other human beings are capable of great calamari, so what can you do?'

Image: WixAI

Homeopath attempt to bring drop of oil through Hormuz

Enterprising homeopath, Ron Jenkins of Clacton has announced an audacious plan to bring a whole drop of oil through the Strait of Hormuz.

'A drop should be plenty to last for a year or two. So my plan is to bring a drop of oil into the UK where I can dilute it down by a factor of a million and it can be used to fuel thousands of cars. Providing they're electric ones, obviously.

I don't expect any problems bringing a drop through, Iran is on the lookout for tankers so my pedalo should pass unnoticed. Although I think I've heard people say 'tanker' when I walk pass them.'

A White House statement added 'No matter what the Epstein files say, Donald Trump is not a pedalo.'

Image: Pawel86 - Pixabay