Scientists invent semiidiotics to explain Trump's dumbness

Have you ever wondered why Donald Trump tries to get a peace deal with Iran by repeatedly bombing it? Or why he ever attacked Iran in the first place?

Political scientists have developed a new discipline called semiidiotics to try and account for every bungling mistake he's ever made - over tariffs, America's 250th anniversary celebrations, the east wing of the White House, and all the rest.

'The only problem with semiidiotics,' said Professor Hiram B. Pipesucker of the University of New Dworkin, 'is you have to be a halfwit to even start understanding the policies of this unbelievable oaf.

'We're now working on another system, called full-on-idiotics, to make Trump's behaviour completely comprehensible to total imbeciles. We're hoping they can then explain it to the rest of us.'

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A level Mathematics paper leaked on line

June 2026, Queston 1

The probability that the government retrospectively changes the student loan scheme in a way unfavourable to students is determined, from historic data, to be p=0.2 in any given year.

The probability of an unfavourable change in any year is independent from all previous years.

A newly qualified student has 40 years to repay their student loan before it is written off.

Calculate:

(a) The expected number of unfavourable changes to student loan repayment terms in the next 40 years. Show your workings . Expletives should be written in pencil and crossed through. [ 4 marks ]

(b) The probability that students will vote for any of the political parties involved in stitching them up. [ 1 mark ]

(c) The probability that graduates will avoid promotions or reduce their working hours or go sick and claim benefits in order to reduce or avoid their student loan repayments [ 1 mark ]

(d) Companies employing new graduates have not been offering to repay student debt. What is the probability that this situation will improve in the next 3 years? Explain your answer. [ 2 marks ]

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Royal Family to be turned into Data Centres

In a bold move to modernise the Royal Family, plans have been drawn up to turn the entire institution into a data centre.

'It was either this or turn them into Turkey Twizzlers', a spokesman said. 'And the hygiene people put their foot down.

Princesses Eugenie and Beatrice will make a unique contribution - the heatsink design for the microprocessors will be based on their trademark 'fascinators'. They will not be forgotten, sadly.

Regular Royal duties - waving, opening things, making small talk - will all be done by AI, enabling the whole venture to break even in its first week of operation. Graphs have been drawn. To be fair, they were done by AI so might be total fantasy, but it isn't as if the whole Royalty thing was overly committed to grim reality.

Andrew Mountbatten will play a unique part - in the foundations of Buck House Data Centre, a new central London facility which will be owned by some of the people he used to party with.

Balmoral, Sandringham and vast swathes of British countryside will be covered in computer warehouses so that students will no longer need to write their own essays. It's all fairly asinine, but still slightly less daft than having an actual Royal Family.

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