Vultures fail to gather as 150 WHSmith stores close

Bargain hunters are showing little interest in the closure of 150 high street shops that were formerly WHSmith, but are now branded WTFlip.

'Nah,' said Barry, a seasoned eBay seller. 'Even at 50% off, I can get any of those books cheaper on the internet. And if you want to risk writing your own will, then you can do that on the internet too. Greetings cards - who does that any more? Just give 'em a WhatsApp. Or get a cheaper card at Card Factory.

'The computer stock is well out of date. VGA connector? Centronics cable? Microdrive for your Sinclair Speculum? I can't shift any of that. I don't do vintage.

'On the upside I might just find some reduced football cards from the 2006 world cup. Or early Pokémon cards. So I might pop in on the closing down sale, but I'm not holding my breath.

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Amazon delivers its first UK bombs by drone

Need some ammunition fast, on a sharp deadline to commit a war crime? Look no further, Amazon can deliver bombs right to your front door or your neighbour's head. Said one UK Minister, 'We've been struggling to export enough death to the Middle East, but thanks to this speedy service, we can now wreck mayhem 24/7. No footsteps. No fingerprints. No awkward conversations within the Hague.'

Using the tagline "Set it. Forget it. Briefly regret it", the drones are the ultimate labour‑saving device—particularly if you don't want witnesses. All the convenience of 21st century shopping, and with none of the peace protestors. Just slightly more moral doubt. Said one manager, 'The market is literally exploding.'

Image: geralt - Pixabay

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Thames Water could win Turner Prize

The nominations for the 2026 Turner Prize have just been announced, include a surprise entry from Thames Water.

While most of the nominations are from the usual list radical, up-and-coming, and angry young artists, the Thames Water entry is the first one by a company. Some artists are shocked (and angry), and believe that the corporate entry is a sell out that goes against the spirit of the prize.

Thames Water were not able to give any details about the entry. 'Someone else has submitted the artwork on our behalf, but without our approval or authorisation,' said a spokesman. 'We have barely enough cash to pay dividends. We have no cash for repairs. We certainly wouldn't waste good dividend money to pay an artist for an entry. We doubt that OfWat would be keen on that.'

Art lovers who are keen to see the Thames Water entry can view the work on the beach at Eastbourne. The installation, called Pile of Poo, can be seen at low tide throughout 2026, 2027 and 2028. The work is described as a dynamic, shape-shifting and pungent reflection on the nature of greed, mortality and decay.