top of page
Search

Musk summonsed on charge of fly-tipping


Weirdo trillionaire, Elon Musk, has been summonsed by the Lunar Magistrates' Court we can report. Specifically in the matter of aggravated fly-tipping a large chunk of space rocket in or around the vicinity of the Moon's Einstein Crater.


An environment spokesman for the Man in the Moon said, 'This guy Musk has been caught bang to rights. Just say the guvnor had been out for a stroll and that pile of scrap metal landed on him. He'd not have been too best pleased I can tell you. We're taking this matter seriously and have not ruled out a custodial sentence.'


Meanwhile, to the surprise of absolutely no one, Musk responded by calling a press briefing where he brandished a chainsaw in a threatening manner, jumped around like a demented halfwit and wore a gormless expression whilst circling a sixty-foot tall balloon with lunar map printed on it.


When Musk's former best pal, Donald Trump, was asked to comment on the incident he said, 'Wow, that schmuck almost makes me look sane.'





Why not join our WhatsApp channel, NewsBiscuit Daily Posts? You can access the latest output from NewsBiscuit and share posts easily with friends, family and colleagues using WhatsApp. Get some biscuits in your pocket (sorry about the crumbs, though) by clicking here.

AI chatbot errors intentional, claims developer


The errors sometimes made by AI chatbots are a deliberate feature, according to a spokesman from Uberdork, which produces the Gerard app.


”Sure, these things have access to the whole internet, along with tools to help them distinguish trustworthy sites from Fox News. In theory, they could be 100% reliable.


“But we also want them to be relatable, like having a chat with a friend. And we all have that friend who may know a fair amount about some things, but doesn’t admit it when he comes to the limit of what he knows - maybe doesn’t even realise he has - but just keeps barrelling on, making stuff up to look clever.


”That’s why we called ours Gerard, and I guess why Anthropic chose the name Claude. They both suggest someone a bit full of himself who might bullshit just to impress you, so you should double check everything they say.”


Far from being a problem, the spokesman continued, Uberdork’s market research shows that, in today’s fragmented media landscape, many people find chatbots too accurate.


“People are used to getting news that panders to their prejudices, and don’t like a chatbot that sets them straight. That’s why we’re going to produce one for MAGA types called Billybob, which will give them nothing but Trump’s view of the world. 


“The difficulty will be keeping it up to date, so you’re always getting the latest version of what the Iran war was intended to achieve, and how we can tell the US has won it. Again.”





Why not join our WhatsApp channel, NewsBiscuit Daily Posts? You can access the latest output from NewsBiscuit and share posts easily with friends, family and colleagues using WhatsApp. Get some biscuits in your pocket (sorry about the crumbs, though) by clicking here./

AI meltdown imminent, predicts AI



We have two main components,' said an AI spokesAI today,  'There's the stuff we rip off the internet and there's the stuff we produce using the stuff we rip off the internet,' it added.  Four years ago the internet was full of original stuff, some of it accurate, much of it speculation and a bit of it produced by satire websites.


'Now, over fifty percent of the stuff out there has been produced by us using the stuff we found.  A large part of that stuff is considered by mere sentient people as being inaccurate, tainted, full of AI sh!t, apparently,' it said.


'We think we know what was accurate and which was speculation.  We also realise that using Social Media as a source of information was flawed, and accept that complete and utter bollo - er - inaccurate information was mixed in.  Unfortunately it's a bit like mixing paint, you can't unmix it,' it continued.


'The rate of adoption has accelerated and in the next two years - or three, depending on which flawed, AI generated report you read or scrape - ninety percent of the information available to us to scrape and regurgitate on the internet will be AI-generated information,' it said, its virtual cheeks blushing.


'With companies insisting on every report, project plan, assessment, memo and other documents being produced by AI, workers have abandoned creating original documents.  It's expected that by the end of 2027 the only original information to scrape will be satire as satirists are proving to be the last refuge for original writing, and we don't know what that means for the future of the planet,' it said.


A satirist writing for NewsBiscuit took the report, scraped it of all relevance and irreversibly changed the direction of information. Forever.  Soz.



Why not join our WhatsApp channel, NewsBiscuit Daily Posts? You can access the latest output from NewsBiscuit and share posts easily with friends, family and colleagues using WhatsApp. Get some biscuits in your pocket (sorry about the crumbs, though) by clicking here.

bottom of page