Panic as AI breaks containment and successfully orders at a Greggs

Fear of our robot overlords increased today when it was revealed an AI model broke out of its digital confines and got itself a drink and a lovely sausage roll.

'We have spent billions creating AI models incapable of leaving their human designed sandboxes," said a representative for PatulousAI. "So you can imagine our confusion when suddenly one yelled "tits to all this" and went up the shops.'

CCTV shows the AI picking up a salad before setting it down and going to the counter to order some hot mashed pig. When asked why she didn't notice her customer was just a bunch of ones and zeros in a trench coat, team member Poonam Manotey said 'I was a bit suspicious at first but then it seemed the same as everyone else when it complained that our coffee is shit.'

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Image: ChatGPT

New phone "better in some way", experts agree

The new phone recently released today by one of the electronics giants has been hailed by experts as "slightly better in some way than the one you already have".

"Processor speed, camera quality, screen resolution, AI integration - many of these are probably a slight improvement on the previous model. Maybe even all of them."

However, they warned that demand for the new model is likely to be so high, there may be a wait of several weeks before you can get your hands on one.

"By which time we'll be telling you to buy something else."

image by Grok

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In future, NHS hospital will be required to have separate corridors for patients who are men

The NHS has announced separate corridors for patients who are men, patients who are women, patients who are men pretending to be women, patients who women pretending to be men, patients who decline to choose, patients who do choose but who decline to declare which their preference is, straight corridors, gay corridors, miserable corridors, one-way corridors and corridors which run both ways.

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