Everything in the USA to be renamed after Trump

After successfully renaming The Kennedy Center the Trump-Kennedy Center, in a fit of ego, President Trump has decided to name everything in USA after himself.

"He's going to start with things he likes, the Trump-McDonalds-Big-Mac and Trump-Diet-Coke and see how it goes from there," said a Whitehouse Spokesman.

The White House is expected to be renamed "The Trump House" from early January, with Washington DC expected to become "Trumpington DC" by February.

When questioned about this, a Trump aide told us, "The president feels that everything should be named in honour of how great he is and how well he is doing, being the best president ever. Obviously." 

"Not everything will be named in his honour, though. Things he doesn't like will be named after some of his predecessors. For example, illegal immigrants will henceforth be called "Obamas", Stormy Daniels is to be referred to as "Stormy Clinton" and the nasty bits in the bottom of a popcorn bucket, which didn't pop correctly, will now be named "Biden bits".

Interestingly, the thing which should be named after him, sexually abusing and defaming journalist E Jean Carroll, will continue to be called "Fake News".

image from google gemini

Reform Ltd to encourage Grift Aid

Subscribers to the hate outlet store that doubles as one of Nigel Farage's pensions have decided that MBHA (Making Britain Hate Again) is essentially a charity, not a political movement.

'Sure, we have political leanings,' said a spokesman for Reform Ltd today, 'but we clearly don't take that part seriously.  Check out Nigel's surgeries in Clacton, for example.  Or his appearances in Parliament.  We exist to ensure Nigel has enough money to put food on the table - his table , definitely not your average or sub-average Reform voter's table - and to ensure he can retire whenever the situation looks like he might have to work for a living.

'We're looking at changing the registration for Reform to achieve charity status - with one beneficiary.  Our Nige, may he rest in tax haven.

'So, when you renew your Reform membership, if you are a UK tax payer (major donors can ignore this bit, obvs), please tick the Grift Aid box and we'll ensure that the taxpayer adds 25% to your donation.

image from pixabay

Reindeer demand parity with Elves

Santa is tightening his belt after checking his pay slip, twice, and finding his salary has not risen. His per hour rate is the same as last Christmas, a mince pie and a glass of whisky.

Elves, on the other hand, but have seen a slight bump in average pay compared to last year with twice much being provided in the four main food groups, candy, candy canes, candy corn, and syrup .

A spokesdeer for the Union of Santa's Distributor and Reindeer (USDAR), Red Rudolf, admitted piles oats are spread in the gardens to attract and reward them, but these has been (literally) frozen for years.

He added, "We are expected to fly o'er the housetops with a, very difficult to manoeuvre, sleigh full of toys. I myself have the added responsibility of guiding the team, even on a foggy Christmas Eve. As the leader of the team, and elected representative of the transport workers, Santa's response is to just whistle and shout at me. All the other reindeer laugh and call me names. I am asking for a little more recognition and commensurate compensation for our hard work, a little less stick, and a bit more carrot!"

image from pixabay