Trump Still Unable to Deliver Wall

A computer game created for the White House government website has been removed due to a potential copyright infringement.

The Tetris-style game, called 'Build the Wall', was taken down shortly after rights owners The Tetris Company raised concerns over its use of the game's likeness.

The premise of the game was for players to stack blocks to build a wall to 'protect the border from zombies' trying to get into the US.

However, the removal of the 'Build the Wall' game is further proof that US President Donald Trump still cannot deliver on his promise of building an impregnable border wall between the US and Mexico.

Meanwhile, Canada is awaiting anxiously on the US building a wall between it and the States as they would feel 'very much safer from their Southern neighbours' with one in place.

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CPS totally swallows Farage's 'loose pub talk' excuse

'We have been totally convinced by Mr Farage's explanation that the conversation where he conspired to violate political donation laws was simply loose pub talk. Therefore there is no case to answer' said Sir Derek Dimmo, KBE, of the Crown Prosecution Service.

'I mean, no one ever plans a criminal act in a pub, do they? For instance, if three armed robbers were seriously discussing a raid on a petrol station, they wouldn't do it while drinking lager in a corner of the saloon bar. No. They'd hire a meeting room with a whiteboard and a secretary to take the minutes.

'Except when the petrol station gets robbed 20 minutes after they've downed their pints and got their shooters from the back of their van.

'Hang on,' continued Dimmo. 'Could someone get Mr Farage into an interview room, toot de sweet?'

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UK threatens West Bank settlement with milquetoast and tutting

The Foreign Secretary is to lay out a series of timid sanctions designed to mildly inconvenience the Netanyahu regime. This will be followed by a strongly worded postcard campaign. Every Monday, government officials will send handwritten notes expressing ‘deep disappointment’ in increasingly large fonts.

A Foreign Office official confirmed, ‘Yes, we helped them commit a genocide but you have to agree reducing diplomatic applause by 7% will have devasting effects.’ Alongside this the UK will symbolically close its Embassy Gift Shop, meaning ‘I ❤ war crimes’ keyrings will become significantly harder to obtain.

There will be a one minute of deliberate awkward silence at every summit, while delegates stare at their notes and pretend to check messages. Tough sanction include the immediate removal of preferred biscuit status - visiting Israeli diplomats will be moved from chocolate digestives to rich tea. ‘Existing friendship bracelets may be retained, but no new ones may be exchanged until relations improve.’

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