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We buy old politicians for cash. Anything considered.


We are the leading buyer of UK politicians. We take anything, in any condition. MPs command the highest prices, but we also pay good money for councillors, MEPs, police and crime commissioners, and members of the House of Lords. We will even consider parish councillors, magistrates, sheriffs and mayors. Call now for an instant quote.


Check your attic, check your garage, check your motorhome. If you have old politicians around that are damaged, broken, scandal ridden, diseased or just the subject of widespread ridicule - no problem! We buy them all.


We can take politicians that are still subject to existing finance arrangements, write offs, MoJ failures, non-runners, Welsh ones, Scottish ones, ex-convicts - everything. We take the lot, no questions asked.


The cash will be in your hand, in a brown envelope, tomorrow, no questions asked (parliamentary or otherwise).


Call now on our 24 hour premium line. Just dial 0900 999-REFORM. You won't regret it*


While many are accusing Robert Jenrick of blatant opportunism, a trait almost unheard of (outside of the Tories), the truth is that he is missing his besties.  Politics is a lonely profession, especially when the politician is a c@nt, but Jenrick being Jenrick it seems he has issues with forming bonds outside of planning permission scams, allegedly.


He misses Mad Nad dearly, obviously, and who wouldn't want to meet up with Johnathan Gullis and Andrea Jenkins?  Don't be shy.  OK, consider that rhetorical.  And while you're at the bar, don't forget to buy 30p Lee a pint while he explains how anyone not on expenses can survive on a pound a week. Danny Kruger will bring the cakes, obviously, and then, with luck Liz Truss will complete the party by bringing salad components.  Hopefully they will last longer this time.


Don't berate Honest Bob, treat him with sympathy, he's been lonely on the benches.  Unloved and unwanted.  Hopefully good practise for the next few years then.


Ed Davey, the stunt prone leader of the Lib Dems, has been posting in X, formerly Twitter, about the sacking of Robert 'how do printers work?' Jenrick.


Many commentators are surprised by Ed Davey's position. 'X is pretty toxic these days,' said a known pervert. 'If you're still using X, then everyone will think you're using Grok to make nude pictures, or kiddie porn, or worse. There's no point in posting a serious comment on X any more. Ed Davey has just embarrassed himself.

What next? Posting the manifesto on MySpace?

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