top of page
Search

Farage rules out standing in Farage by-election


Nigel Farage has ruled out standing in the Clacton by-election. Labelling the election a "circus" Mr Farage said that this was merely an attempt to change the subject and he, for one, would not stand for it.

Clacton

"This is simply a rather embarrassing way of trying to divert interest away from parliamentary investigations into my finances. I am completely innocent, when George Cottrell handed me a bag marked 'swag' and asked me to keep it safe for him, I simply did him a favour as a friend. So, I have decided this by-election is not one I want to be associated with. Besides that, Clacton's a dump."


image by Grok


Why not join our WhatsApp channel, NewsBiscuit Daily Posts? You can access the latest output from NewsBiscuit and share posts easily with friends, family and colleagues using WhatsApp. Get some biscuits in your pocket (sorry about the crumbs, though) by clicking here.


Farage incensed that he's running against a joke candidate


'Nigel wasn't surprised when Labour pulled out of the by-election,' said a Reform spokesman.


'The Tories chickening out was a no-brainer,' he said, 'because we hold the brains of the Tory party here,' said, admitting that Lee wasn't included.  Nor Suella, to be fair. 'And don't draw any conclusions about Honest Bob until after the NCA ivestigation,' he added.


'We thoroughly expected the Lib Dems to refuse to stand.  Nobody in Clacton wants to care about people, that's why they voted for Nigel.  And don't bother sending Zack around, this is hardly Brighton,' he ranted.


'But pitting a joke candidate up, that is beyond the pale,' he said, holding up a picture of Lawrence Fox.  'A bin, sure, bring it on.  Nigel will stub his cigar on him, but Fox?


'What a joke'.


image from grok


Why not join our WhatsApp channel, NewsBiscuit Daily Posts? You can access the latest output from NewsBiscuit and share posts easily with friends, family and colleagues using WhatsApp. Get some biscuits in your pocket (sorry about the crumbs, though) by clicking here.


Reform accuses Count Binface of 'not being a real bin'


Private investigators working for Reform UK Ltd claim to have 'conclusive proof' that Count Binface isn't a genuine space-travelling dustbin.


'We know a LOT about rubbish here at Reform', a spokesnazi told us 'and that bin is definitely upside down. It's such a basic error we're surprised the rest of you hadn't spotted it'.


It has been suggested that Binface might actually have a university degree, making him a 'public enemy' in the eyes of Reform's leaders, who plan to cancel qualifications higher than GCSE for 'personal reasons'.


Clacton resident Pete Lighthead was unsurprised. 'I bloody knew it! I told my Maureen, didn't I? I said he's not a real bin. He's too shiny. I'm starting to doubt whether he's an actual Count'.


image by Google Gemini


Why not join our WhatsApp channel, NewsBiscuit Daily Posts? You can access the latest output from NewsBiscuit and share posts easily with friends, family and colleagues using WhatsApp. Get some biscuits in your pocket (sorry about the crumbs, though) by clicking here.


bottom of page