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Trump warns Iran ‘we haven’t even called on our superheroes yet’


US President Donald Trump has warned Iran that unless they surrender unconditionally to his demands he will start sending American superheroes over to the Gulf to end the war.


Trump said he would not hesitate in sending comic book heroes to finish the war that Iran had definitely started.


White House sources said Superman, Captain America and Wonder Woman could be sent to the Middle East within days and the Fantastic Four and Spider Man would be kept on standby if backup was needed.


Trump said he had regularly seen DC Universe and Marvel Comic heroes fighting for America in the movies and had been impressed by their 100% success rates in thwarting any bad guys who threatened US interests.


Superheroes have kept American citizens safe for over 80 years and their patriotism combined with a sense of citizenship and moral fortitude in protecting the flag would send shock waves across Iran and force the supreme leader to back down.


The president added there were already plans in place for creating a new superhero with special powers to take down Iran’s Revolutionary Guard


MAGA Man’s special powers would include terrorising small children, deporting people with brown skin and the ability to frack for oil using just his bare hands.


‘And if we can get Japan to send Godzilla to intercept Iranian drone missiles and Africa to send King Kong to protect the Strait of Hormuz we could have this war wrapped up in time for a round of golf in the morning’.



Bypassing the Strait of Hormuz


The United Arab Emirates have offered to build a canal to bypass the Strait of Hormuz, and thus piss-off the Iranian regime big time.  It will only cost a few £mega-squillion and will be cheaper, as well as easer & quicker to build than Britain's HS2 and could actually get completed and do something useful.  No bats are likely to be harmed in the building of the canal.


It's a toss-up whether the best source of funding would be crowd funding, Jeff Bezos, Elon Musk or a sweepstake on how many Supreme Leaders Iran is likely to get through before they run out of Ayatollahs or America runs of of shells, drones and missiles.  International oil companies might even, eventually become slightly interested.




Trump says "we'll see" about invading Sudetenland


"A lot of people have been saying to me: 'Sir, Sir. Why don't you drive tanks into Sudentenland and annex it?'" President Trump told a column of White House press korps panzers.


"I don't know where they got that idea from, but we'll see.


"They're saying: 'Sir, you could bomb it and then Jared could build condos on the land and sell them for a billion dollars. It'll be money in your pocket.


"Well, I don't start wars just for money - except when the price is right.


"But if a billion dollars is what it takes to get me to liberate Sudetenland with world class Tomahawk missile strikes and state of the art country clubs, then I'll look at it - right after the anschluss between Mar-A-Lago and Austria.


"Maybe I won't invade Sudetenland and raze it to the ground,l after all," added Trump magnanimously, playfully balancing an inflatable globe on a fingertip.


"We'll wait and see what happens to those untermenschen."




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