Michael Gove definitely did something naughty

Fortunately as we don't know what it is, we are completely unable to speculate. This also means any super injunction won't work on us, as you can only gag someone who has something to say.

That said, it's fascinating that every recent news story about him has been expunged from the internet. It's almost as if someone had something to hide. Hmmm.

We can however report on his previous scandals - PPE corruption, trashing the school system and looking like Pob. But whatever you do, don't google Gove-Goat-Jelly-Pegging. There's no such thing.

image from Grok

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‘Exhausted’ racists forced to work double shifts after data centre attacks

Dave (56) is a proud patriot. Bald, fat and with a history of domestic violence he loves his country. Recent Ukrainian attacks on Russian data centres have left him tired and dispirited.

'In the good old days I just spent a few minutes here and there replying with ‘crying laughing’ emojis to any woke soyboys. There were always enough educated patriots to provide detailed arguments. After the evil Ukrainian attacks I suddenly found myself outnumbered. I think they must have targeted patriots somehow’.

Sally (63) is an embittered housewife. She has recently found herself the centre of attention in her local community for increasingly racist posts which have attracted hundreds of admiring comments. ‘This week’s been awful’, she told reporters. ‘Just critics everywhere. Where have all my fans gone?’

Patriots across Britain have had a trying couple of days trying to keep the comments flowing with little help from 'PatriotDave7855363535'.

It seems Elon Musk has responded to criticism by turning off Starlink to deter Ukraine’s aggression. Can’t let survival get in the way of the business model.

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Reform would suspend governing while in government

Not only will they suspend the asylum system, they said any major policy decisions will be deferred pending the findings of a Royal Commission on Whether Anything Really Needs Doing. This will be followed by the launch of a consultation into the feasibility of launching consultations.

It is alleged that Farage is so workshy, his party plans to release all legislation in draft form and then accidentally leave it in draft form for the duration of his time in office. He will outsource governance to a giant office pinboard covered in Post-it notes marked ‘TBC.’ And his party will introduce a Minister for Urgent Matters, then leave the position vacant-while they spend eighteen months designing an appropriate logo.

Upon entering office, he will immediately begin preparing their memoirs entitled My Courageous Struggle Against Excessive Administrative Activity. He promised to ‘hit the ground running,’ then immediately commission a report into safer alternatives to running. He went on to say that difficult decisions are best made by future generations, who will hopefully be less busy.

image from Grok

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