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Slow Horses to sue Reform over copyright infringement

Spy comedy writer Mick Herron is rumoured* to be considering legal action after discovering that Reform is really just Slough House for Tories.


Slough House is Herron’s fictional home for failed spies, the MI5 dumping ground where washouts (aka Slow Horses) are banished to spend their days in pointless tasks, ruled over by an obnoxious, foul-mouthed chain-smoking tramp with Russian connections.


‘Reform is uncannily similar’, a fan told us. ‘If you’re not good enough to be a Conservative MP – hardly the highest of bars – they send you to Reform where you’re forced to criticise your own actions from a few days earlier. Pretty humiliating’.


On the plus side, Slow Horses has quite a high bodycount.


*By ‘rumoured’ we mean ‘somebody, somewhere, might have said this’. Obvs.



Reform campaign for bots to get universal suffrage

'Bots are such an integral part of daily life,' said a spokesman, possibly an AI agent, for Reform UK Ltd, 'that it's impossible to imagine daily debate on social media without them'.


'How else would we know who is a retard? Where would we learn that someone posing seemingly sensible fiscal arguments to Reform policy is actually a leftist moron, cry harder, voting Reform anyway?' he/it added.


'All we are suggesting is that every constituency has 100,000 bots given the vote. Do we need to blockchain ourselves to virtual railings to make our point?' the bot asked.



David Icke has better judgement than Starmer

Despite being mocked in the main stream press about his paranoid fantasies, Mr. Icke now has now an impressive success record in identifying wrong ‘uns, while Mr. Starmer has a 100% success rate of appointing them to his Cabinet. One man has spent the last decade indulging in a conspiracy theory about global elite sex-cannibals, the other has spent the last decade covering it up for them.


Sir Keir has repeatedly refused to prosecute traffickers and murderers, whereas the only thing Mr. Icke did wrong was playing goal keeper for Coventry. Admittedly Mr. Icke has been accused of genocide denial, while Sir Keir just helped do one.


When every senior colleague of Sir Keir appears in the Epstein files, you have to wonder is he just kinky for money-laundering psychopaths - although - who isn’t? Said a No.10 spokeswoman: “You might know him as a baby eating lizard, but we just know him as Peter.”




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