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"King agrees with me" proves Trump doesn't get sarcasm


Experts on humour have concluded that President Trump's sarcasm detection gene is absent.


Professor Ron Jenkins of the Clacton College of Drollness, Buffoonery and Humour explained; "The gene is closely related to the 'irony' gene and we know that packed up and left years ago when Trump accused rivals of corruption. When Mr Trump announced that King Charles agreed with him about Iran, it's conclusive evidence that the President wouldn't recognise sarcasm if Edmund Blackadder himself wrote it on Trump's mirror whilst singing the 'This is sarcasm' song."


Vice-President, JD Vance responded that he thought "Trump would get sarcasm as he's really clever". Professor Jenkins replied, "Nearly got me, but I still have my detector, thanks very much."


Clacton College has recently started awarding degrees; students can study for a BSchtick or a Ph Arce.




Man who hammered face said it was just like voting Labour


Extreme masculinity trends have been likened to the devastating effects of supporting a bunch of genocidal crooks. And destroying yourself to appear more manly, sounds like Labour's foreign policy.


A man who crushed his testicles in a vice said it was like meeting Yvette Cooper for the first time. Another said being pumped full of illegal steroids was less risky than trusting Wes Streeting with the NHS.


One man, who'd had his brains smashed out with a polo mallet, was asked how he felt, he said, 'Dunno, I'm the Prime Minister.'




Mandelson "just a political stunt", insists Prime Minister


Sir Keir Starmer has been resisting pressure for a parliamentary inquiry into his handling of the Mandelson affair by dismissing the former ambassador as "just a poltical stunt".


"This is games playing by the Conservatives," the PM's office told the media. "The Prime Minister has no intention of appearing before a Commons committee on account of a Machiavellian stunt like Peter."


Several cabinet minister still loyal to Starmer appeared on morning news programmes also to declare that the long-standing Labour grandee was, and always had been, a political stunt.


"This doesn't add up," said Conservative leader Kemi Badenoch.


"If the PM was aware that Mandelson was a complete stunt, then why did he appoint him US ambassador in the first place?"




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