'I miss the Russian bots' says last remaining human on Twitter

X, it turns out, very much marks the spot, as Ukraine has hilariously started bombing some Russian bot farms, with the US mid term elections only weeks away.

Twitter in particular is now a ghost town and whilst its virtual saloon doors swing silently, Elon Musk was seen ordering a lackey to weep on his behalf, into a handkerchief made of million dollar bills and hatred.

Right wing nut jobs now find their racist ravings generate mysteriously little online engagement, particularly from totally legitimate accounts with eagles and American flags on them. These, now quiet, but definitely legitimate accounts own the libs but have usernames that end with a long string of numbers.

Donald Trump posted 'Natalie - it's happened again', adding a poop emoji and a sad face.

image by Grok

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Farage: "I warned you about migrant tigers"

"I've said all along," said Nigel Farage, stroking his British Blue moggy, Rothmans, "that if you start letting asylum-seeking Amur tigers land in small boats on our shores and lay on zoo enclosures for them, sooner or later they'll attack the host population.

"And I've been warning for years about how the Yorkshire zoo where all this happened has been getting entirely overrun with foreign species: kookaburras, tapirs, yaks and God knows what else.

"We should cut off welfare payments to the lot of them and ship them back to whatever jungles they crawled out of, at their own expense.

"Whoever thought Britain would benefit from giving houseroom to some treacherous, stripey Asian predator? We've got our own treacherous predators - like stoats and weasels - which are much more my scene."

image by Grok

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Trump hands Putin a win-win

Donald Trump’s desperate deal to get diesel prices down is a dismal disaster.  Vladimir Putin can hardly believe his luck.

Donald’s deal is to buy diesel from Russia, to bring down prices in the US and to save the Republicans from mid-term election wipe-out. This is good news for Vlad, as he gets to sell fuel to fund his war machine and because it makes Trump look like a loser. Even better, Donald’s deal hasn’t even touched the price of diesel, which is still going up. This means that Vlad gets a nice high price for the fuel.

Behind the scenes, Putin is turning the screw. ‘As you and your so-called allies have been taking the shadow fleet out of service, you’ll have to come and get the oil. Send as many ships as you like. We’ve got lots of diesel.

‘We could maybe speed things up for you in return for, say, Greenland, and cutting Cuba some slack.  And maybe stop helping Ukraine.  And it wouldn’t cost you anything to tell Europe to eff off again, now would it?  And you could quietly ease off the sanctions too, perhaps?

‘And maybe we could help you to fix your mid-term elections properly, like we do in Russia.  You don’t know what you’re doing, Donald.  It’s sad and pathetic.

‘Anyway, how much diesel would you like to buy today?’

image from Grok

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