Trump declares war on terrier groups across the world

'After capturing Venezuela's chief narco-terrierist and indicting him in the States,' said an increasingly deranged Donald Trump, stroking a Russian Putin cat at his desk in the Oval Office, 'I'm serving notice on the rest of the world's terrier groups that I'll be coming after them, as well.

'They tell me there are a bunch of terreierists over there in Britain, in Yorkshire and Staffordshire and Airedale, so we'll be sending in Delta Force to take over those places.

'And I'm hearing all the time now about Maltese terrierists, so we better do a regime change in Maltesa - as soon as my generals can find that on a map.

'And the CIA is still looking for a place called Pitbull. It sounds familiar.

'What I really want is for there to some terrier groups in Greenland, because I'd sure like an excuse to invade that place.

'That's why I'm ordering the American Kennel Club to breed up some genuine Greeland terrierists immediately.

'Sleepy Joe knew all about these foreign terrier groups, but he never went after them,' the president continued to rant.

'But that's because he wasn't barking.'

Image: Lydia Tan (@purplelydia) | Unsplash Photo Community

BBC still hasn't reported on BBC not reporting anything

Social media is on fire with allegations that the BBC hasn't reported anything about the crisis in Iran, despite running several separate news articles every day since the demonstrations started.  They are also accused of not reporting anything about the situation in Gaza, despite running articles daily since last year.

'We admit that some reporting is difficult,' said a BBC spokesman, adding, 'as both Iran and Israel won't allow correspondents in, and those that do sneak in tend to get shot', he said. 'I ran to tell you because is real.'

Critics grudgingly agree, but point out that the BBC hasn't announced the upcoming General Election, to be debated next week where the government, despite having a huge majority, is going to roll over and vote to pull the General Election forward by at least three years.  The BBC agree that they haven't reported that piece of news but defended themselves by pointing out that whenever the next election does occur they have told the country who to vote for. Repeatedly.

Image: Luismi Sánchez (@luismisanchez) | Unsplash Photo Community

'I'll hold your coat' Starmer tells bully boy Trump

'The UK's official foreign policy is for the Prime Minister to hold President Trump's coat and grin while he beats up all the smaller nations in the playground,' said a Downing Street spokes-toady.

'As well as that, he'll supply all that's left of Britain's armed forces - a rusty fleet auxiliary ship and a couple of Cessnas - to help Trump nab international shipping in the north Atlantic.

'All the while, we'll be pleading with Bully Boy Trump not to flick the ears of countries we like, such as Greenland, and plunder its natural resources.

'Not that Trump would take a blind bit of notice of us, given that natural resources mean money and money is the one thing Trump understands.

'Serving as sidekick to this nasty, vain, increasingly demented ignoramus is Britain's place in the modern world and Sir Keir is rightfully ashamed - I mean, proud - to have led us here.'

Image: WixAI