Trump backs down on claim he's omnipotent

'I went into the war against Iran believing the regime's leaders would immediately bend to my will, because I'm omnipotent,' boasted a puffed up Donald Trump.

'Weeks went by and they still weren't 'crying uncle'. They were calling me a demented old fool. But all those Tomahawks and suchlike we fired off showed that I'm potent.

'Now Iran's closed the Strait of Hormuz, and I am totally powerless to get it open again without caving into all of its demands.

'So we'll be whittling those words down to a single word: 'impotent',' admitted Trump, flaccidly.

Image credit: perchance.org

The old English tradition of Mandy Thursday

Mandy Thursday, also known as the Festival of St. Peter, has been celebrated in England since 1985, when Peter Mandelson was first appointed to a government post.  That’s right – over 40 years ago!  Mandy comes from the Latin word mandatum, meaning give me all your money.

The Holy day is usually celebrated in London by the distribution of Mandy Money.  Originally, Mandy Money was given out as special coins by the monarch, but more recently Mandy Money has been handed out as special payments by the government.  Over the years Mandy Money has been given out for many things, taken many forms, including bonuses, pay rises, redundancy payments, travel costs, promotions, bonuses, severance payments, expenses, and so forth.  In similar fashion, the amount of Mandy Money was originally to be determined by the monarch, but the current arrangements are that the recipient determines the amount for himself.  On the most important occasions Mandy Money is handed over in a ceremonial brown paper envelope.

In recent years the Mandy Money tradition has fallen into disrepute because of negative associations with the convicted paedophile, Jeffrey Epstein.

Image credit: perchance.org

More Epstein files released to distract from Iran

President Donald Trump is set to release a new tranche of documents from the Epstein files this week to distract the public from the war in Iran, which he initially started to distract the public from the Epstein files.

Despite their incriminating nature, including one image allegedly showing the President floating in Epstein's pool on an inflatable banana, it's hoped the latest release will bump the Middle Eastern blunders off the front pages, at least for a few days.

Speaking from Washington, Democratic senator Cory Booker was far from impressed: 'these looping distractions serve no purpose other than causing mass confusion amongst his loyal MAGA base, which is exactly what he wants.'

But not everyone on the right agrees, as local MAGA member Tyler Burke explained:

'It's the Democrats and the libtards who are confused, not us.

'I, for one, stand behind the bombing of the Epstein Islands to force the Islamic Republic of Venezuela to release the Iranian Files, or whatever it is that's happening.'

Image credit: Wix AI