Trump consigns Katie Zacharia to "pleasant" outer edges

'Could be that she can stay in the administration,' US President Donald Trump told reporters after sacking his short-lived press secretary Katie Zacharia. 'Maybe in a more pleasant form.'

'That's the kiss of death,' warned a White House insider. 'Being pleasant in the Trump administration means being as far from the centre of power as Pluto. She'll just be starching the First Lady's skin every day.

'The further you make it towards the inner circle, the more unpleasant it gets - until you come to the dead centre of utter vileness, which is Mr Trump himself.'

Other White House insiders predict Zacharia may recover.

'She's a big liar, saying she's an attorney when she failed her bar exams,' said one staff cockroach, 'and she's appeared as a commentator on Fox News and Newsmax peddling rotten conspiracy theories like Pizzagate, which she actually seemed to believe.

'So she's dumb, deceitful and nasty enough to have the potential to fight herself right back to Donald's side.

'And if she really wants to spend hours of her time sitting next to Trump on Air Force One, with that old goat brushing her ankle with his cloven hoof,' said the staff rodent with a shudder, 'then good luck to her. Not even Melania can stand that.'

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Image: ChatGPT

Protesters run away as French police fetchez la vache

There was panic on the streets of Paris today when the French police deployed their ultimate weapon. 'C'est le last resort,' a gendarme explained. 'We have already told the protesters to go and boil their bottoms, blown our noses at them and farted in their general direction but these damn kids won't back down.'

After a last ditch attempt at finding a peaceful solution proved ineffective when the crowd reacted negatively to the police alleging their mothers were small rodents and their fathers smelled like a certain fruit, the cry of 'fetchez la vache' echoed around the quartiers.

As the air was filled with moos and cattle the protesters scattered. However, many were later seen to regroup and begin a counter-offensive by constructing a giant lapin du bois.

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Author: Teppic

Image: ChatGPT

Trump hires saluki as new White House press secretary

"The President is delighted to announce that he has appointed a golden-haired saluki as his new press secretary, in place of Katie Zacharia," said a White House kennel maid.

"The saluki, chosen at random from Four Legged Friends of Earscratch, Virginia, has all the qualities Mr Trump is looking for.

"She is blonde, doesn't mind being stroked, clams up when asked questions, has zero legal qualifications and can run like hell out of the press room when things get tough.

"The saluki also exhibits dog-like degrees of loyalty and devotion, is dumb enough to support Trump's policies without realising how criminal and stupid they are and, like the President himself, she is completely barking.

"And even if the saluki lasts only a single day in the post it'll be longer than Zacaharia lasted - when measured in dog years."

image by Grok

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