Trump making peace deal with his imaginary Iranian friend

'I've been holding talks with a high level Iranian, the very highest," Donald Trump told worried-looking reporters on the South Lawn of the White House.

'I call him Kebab. He agrees with everything I say, so we'll have a peace deal soon with Iran handing over all its oil and its nuclear fuel and letting me build a casino on the Persian Gulf.

'I'll be calling it the Trump Hormuz, in honour of my great victory there."

Iran has said that in the real world no member of its government has been speaking to Trump.

'It's not unusual for presidents regressing into their second childhood to have imaginary friends,' said a White House spokes-shrink, trying to reassure the press.

'President Trump has a whole load of helpful voices speaking to him from inside his head.

'They told him to bomb Iran. They told him the 2020 election was stolen. They told him to have sex with Stormy Daniels.

'What's that, Mr Trump? Launch a nuclear strike on Tehran? Well, if that's what your friend Mr Trident told you to do, then you must go ahead and do it.'

Donald Trump is 79 nuclear winters old.

Image credit: perchance.org

'Hatzolah? I thought it was Hezbollah!' says Netanyahu

Israeli Prime Minister Binyamin Netanyahu apologised today for the destruction of four ambulances in north London.

The ambulances belonged to Hatzolah, a voluntary organisation that provides healthcare services for the local Jewish community. Unfortunately, it’s thought the IDF’s intelligence division confused them with Hezbollah.

Netanyahu has apologised for the mistake, though he also pointed out that by the standards of IDF precision strikes, hitting London instead of Lebanon was relatively accurate.

'Of course we’re shocked and upset,' said a spokesman for north London’s Jewish community. 'Then again, the actions of Israel have always been enormously damaging to diaspora Jews, and it’s never made us reconsider our unthinking support. So I can’t imagine it will now,'

Another spokesman said it was one of the darkest days in recent Jewish history, though it turned out he hadn’t heard about the ambulances, and was talking about Spurs losing 3-0 to Nottingham Forest.

Image credit: Wix AI

NewsBiscuit Exclusive: The Trump False Flag Operation before it happens

Predicted to be one of the worst false flag operations in an already packed field of despicable actions, a big, beautiful “terrorist” incident will be manufactured later this year. Codenamed: Operation Justify The War.

Expectations are low, and they will be barely met. A newly insured Trump Tower will have a newly insured Trump plane crash into it, really original.

Never Forget Trump Tower merchandise will be available the day before in the Trump Store.

A load of TrumpCoin will be placed on betting “speculation” websites, predicting an exact time of the incident and will be weirdly accurate.

The date will be nicely before the November US Midterm elections. NewsBiscuit predicts 12th September, so it is one better than 9/11. If the US public are getting back into the Trump-Epstein Files, then this may be moved forward.

AI images of Trump rescuing orphans and puppies from the wreckage are already being “brain” stormed on ex-Twitter and TruthSocial. Most camera footage of the event will be 5 seconds long and be from every angle possible and mostly have Grok logos in the corner.

Melania will probably be on the plane.

Trump will wear his special MAGA black baseball hat at her funeral, if he decides to attend, only $55 at the Trump store.

America does like a good unifying mass death incident to Article Five it’s Natoalliesreluctant acquaintances into never ending excursions.

Image: tammon - Pixabay

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