Calling Benjamin Netanyahu a c%nt is still fine

While the British government has banned the use of the word uprising, citizens will still be allowed to call the Israeli PM a homicidal maniac. In fact, peace protesters will be encouraged to sing the chant "Who's the wanker in the black?".

A minister defended the draconian law. "Words like rebellion are clearly racist. Empires and colonialists are always the good guys. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to instruct the Death Star to destroy the planet Alderaan."

Wanted for genocide, Mr Netanyahu is no stranger to being called names—like wanted, at large and the accused. With it being illegal to call for resistance, many Palestinians will be encouraged to accept their murder quietly. Free speech advocates said…well nothing really, they were already locked up.

image from google gemini

Everything in the USA to be renamed after Trump

After successfully renaming The Kennedy Center the Trump-Kennedy Center, in a fit of ego, President Trump has decided to name everything in USA after himself.

"He's going to start with things he likes, the Trump-McDonalds-Big-Mac and Trump-Diet-Coke and see how it goes from there," said a Whitehouse Spokesman.

The White House is expected to be renamed "The Trump House" from early January, with Washington DC expected to become "Trumpington DC" by February.

When questioned about this, a Trump aide told us, "The president feels that everything should be named in honour of how great he is and how well he is doing, being the best president ever. Obviously." 

"Not everything will be named in his honour, though. Things he doesn't like will be named after some of his predecessors. For example, illegal immigrants will henceforth be called "Obamas", Stormy Daniels is to be referred to as "Stormy Clinton" and the nasty bits in the bottom of a popcorn bucket, which didn't pop correctly, will now be named "Biden bits".

Interestingly, the thing which should be named after him, sexually abusing and defaming journalist E Jean Carroll, will continue to be called "Fake News".

image from google gemini

Reform Ltd to encourage Grift Aid

Subscribers to the hate outlet store that doubles as one of Nigel Farage's pensions have decided that MBHA (Making Britain Hate Again) is essentially a charity, not a political movement.

'Sure, we have political leanings,' said a spokesman for Reform Ltd today, 'but we clearly don't take that part seriously.  Check out Nigel's surgeries in Clacton, for example.  Or his appearances in Parliament.  We exist to ensure Nigel has enough money to put food on the table - his table , definitely not your average or sub-average Reform voter's table - and to ensure he can retire whenever the situation looks like he might have to work for a living.

'We're looking at changing the registration for Reform to achieve charity status - with one beneficiary.  Our Nige, may he rest in tax haven.

'So, when you renew your Reform membership, if you are a UK tax payer (major donors can ignore this bit, obvs), please tick the Grift Aid box and we'll ensure that the taxpayer adds 25% to your donation.

image from pixabay