Iran war over as Strait of Hormuz renamed Strait of America

The conflict in Iran is over.  Iran has unconditionally surrendered after hearing about the United States declaration that the Strait of Hormuz is to be referred to, by the US Government but nobody else, as the Strait of America.  This cessation of hostilities is proof that all those who thought Donald Trump's renaming of stuff was just performative willy-waving without any substance were mistaken.

Acknowledging the power of Trump signing an unconstitutional executive order and then posting about it on his Truth Social app, an Iranian spokesman admitted that his country no longer had the means to control the flow of shipping through the waterway. He said, 'We have no choice but to stop all our military action in the face of such a devastating change to paperwork regarding the conflict being issued by the White House.'

Buoyed by this success after only six months of mistreating his servicemen and women, using up most of his military inventory and murdering schoolgirls, Trump is apparently considering whether Greenland should be referred to as the Green Land Of The Free.  Suggestions that Pete Hegseth was to be renamed Pete Competent Hegseth were however dismissed as ridiculous.

image from Grok

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Scotland's Birth Rate Falls to Record Low

The number of babies being born in Scotland fell to a record low for the third consecutive year, new figures show.

The figures from the National Records of Scotland (NRS) show live births of 45,067 in 2025, the lowest number since records began in 1855.  NRS spokesperson Gail Winds suggested that part of the reason could simply be due to the unattractiveness of Scotland and the Scottish people.

'Scotland is cold, wet and windy,' she said.  'And that's just the summer; winter is usually worse.  Add to that the general lack of attractiveness amongst its population, so it's no wonder that the birth rate is down.  I mean, most people here have a face that only a mother could love. New mothers are often seen pulling their babies' prams'

Further data released today by NRS also showed that for the 11th consecutive year, deaths continue to outnumber births.  'That proves,' continued Winds, 'that people are dying to leave Scotland.'

image from pixabay

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DC nursery troubled by disruptive toddler

A Washington DC nursery today held a press conference to try to calm the public after one of its charges, a toddler whose name was given only as 'DJ', threatened to knock down bigly buildings in the City if he wasn't allowed to scribble his name on them in crayon.

'We appreciate that this may cause distress to the residents of Washington DC,' stated Blanche Todd, senior administrator for the nursery.  'However, you know what toddlers are like - they just don't listen to people who know any better and don't respect authority and have tantrums whenever they want to try to get their own way. 

However, rest assured, we will do everything in our power to stop this wanton vandalism of our cultural buildings and have already sent someone to the store to buy small, shiny things that we can use to distract DJ.  But don't worry, we'll do everything in our power so that little Johnny gets to keep his Center.'

image by Grok

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