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Green Party leader Zack Polanski has been assigned a team of bodyguards who will accompany him at all times. 


The passing of the motion that “Zionism equals racism” means that the Green Party is no longer a safe space for Jews - not even its leader.


The bodyguards have instructions to look out for Polanski launching any surprise attacks against himself, especially since 'that’s just the kind of sneaky thing Jews would do.'


Polanski himself says he didn’t ask for this extra protection, though he admits, 'it’s quite useful when I go to the synagogue on the Sabbath, as everyone there looks like they want to kill me.'



Image credit: ChatGPT


President Trump has denied that the US Air Force has been spooked by three Transit vans and five guys syphoning petrol.  The relocation of the B52 bomber fleet is more to do with illegal voting than being scared of Iran.  Honestly.


'Iran isn't an issue for the United States,' he said today, 'but illegal voting is.'  There is little, if any, evidence of meaningful voting crime in the US, and the President thinks dropping nuclear bomb on potential Democrat voting queues would completely eliminate it.


'I accept a few misguided Democrat voters might be collateral damage,' the President said, 'but my advisor in Moscow says this is the only way we can guarantee there aren't any false votes cast.' 


President Vladimir Putin wasn't available for comment.



Image credit: ChatGPT



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There are less than thirty days to the US mid-term elections. The polls look very bad for Donald Trump, so he’ll need to put in an unbelievable performance to turn things around.


Here are our best predictions of what you can expect...


Trump tries to shout down the price of oil, again


Trump offers to arm Argentina so that they can take back Las Malvinas on condition that they are renamed The American Islands and that the US gets all the oil


Millions of dollars are spent on social media disinformation and lies


Trump demolishes the White House west-wing to build a new casino


Trump declares victory over Iran because Iran hasn't gained a single inch of territory


The Board of Peace takes over FIFA. FIFA announces that 2028 World Cup will be held in Gaza in 2028, just before the US presidential elections


ICE officers are filmed eating immigrants' pets


Trump tries to shout down interest rates, again


Iran steals the Epstein files in full and publishes them. Trump says it's all fake news.


In a bizarre tribute to Douglas Adams, Donald Trump decides to insult all world leaders in alphabetical order


Trump confirms his third and fourth terms


Trump suspends the US Constitution due to a National Emergency that he will explain ‘shortly’


Trump's mates buy all US media outlets. All media outlets predict a massive ground-breaking, world-beating, lip-smacking, thirst-quenching, mid-term election win for Trump.



Image credit: NewsBiscuit archive



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