New Reform MP Robert Jenrick has unveiled his party's vision for the UK, blaming issues with migration, energy costs, low police numbers, the NHS, and taxes on Robert Jenrick.
"Let me be clear," the MP for Newark and anagrams said in a speech, "uncontrolled mass migration and the flood of arrivals by boat is totally the fault of the former Conservative immigration minister Robert Jenrick, who is absolutely not the Robert Jenrick you see before you right now. The housing of migrants in hotels and the paying of huge contracts for this out of government funds is also the fault of Conservative Robert Jenrick. Again not Reform Robert Jenrick, who is a totally different member of parliament who sits in a completely different place to the former Shadow Justice Secretary who was sacked by the Tories."
When asked about issues other than immigration, Reform Robert Jenrick also was quick to turn his ire on Conservative Robert Jenrick, remarking, "Problems with the NHS clearly stem from Robert Jenrick's time as a health minister; a lack of social cohesion and rampant Council Tax rises from Robert Jenrick's time as secretary of state for Housing, Communities and Local Government; and problems with the economy from Robert Jenrick's tenure as Exchequer Secretary to the Treasury. It is obvious to all but the stupidest that the wheels started coming off the country when Robert Jenrick was given any form of power within a governing administration. Thankfully, Reform Robert Jenrick is pandering to the stupidest, so I look forward to retaining my seat with a larger majority when the next General Election comes around."
Political Theorist Dr O'ctopus from the Marvel University of DC explained the phenomenon, telling us, "This isn't political amnesia; rather a political multiverse. Once parties are out of power, a new dimension is created where everything is nothing and nothing is everything. This explains things like Boris Johnson's columns in the Daily Mail criticising the country's actions during Covid, Kemi Badenoch attacking Labour's implementation of the Conservative plan to return the Chagos Islands to Mauritius, and blaming Rachel Reeves for not fixing fourteen years of managed economic decline led by four Prime Ministers from 2010 to 2024.
