Only 7,366 miles away from Buenos Aires, Argentina claims that the Isle of Wight is in its sphere of influence. The plan is to capture the island’s strategic reserves of garlic and fossils. Ryde Pier is, according to a heavily disputed Argentine academic paper, South American in origin. The President said, ‘We have a historical claim to the island and we love Blackgang Chine.’
A General explained, ‘The Needles are secretly Argentina's emergency replacement Andes. In the event that the Andes unexpectedly collapsing, the chalk stacks can be wheeled across the Atlantic and installed as a temporary mountain range. And the coastal paths form an exact map of a giant empanada when viewed from space.’ Most importantly, Argentine intelligence has long suspected that the Isle of Wight is merely the tip of a much larger island hiding beneath the English Channel.
The Isle of Wight is one of the sunniest places in the UK, making it Argentina's nearest available reserve supply of sunshine should the Southern Hemisphere temporarily run out. Meanwhile Argentina has relinquished its claim to the Falklands, which both nations agree is too bleak and lacks a creepy wax-work museum. As of Sunday a naval flotilla is enroute – in response the UK has mobilized Cowes Week.
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