Spiteful Starmer creates Four Tier Justice

After being falsely accused of creating a two tier justice system, Starmer makes a four tier League of Justice, just out of spite and sponsor money.

Sailing very close to several major DC Comics copyright infringements, this new League of Justice will be the Crown of the Prosecution World, to be envied by all other nations until it is bought by Saudi Arabia.

The Premiership Justice

This is clearly for only the best of the best of the rich. You need a lot of money to maintain this level of highly proficient justice and it can be both spectacular and overrated. The sponsor money alone even surpasses the TV rights. If you want good seats, Starmer knows a guy.

Championship Justice

The kind of justice that people expect, solid, not exciting and having mostly expected results. It is limited in size, and it is a massive problem if you don’t qualify for it. Again, money gets you the good results.

League 1 Justice

Not going to lie, the colour of the your skin is a factor here. The justice is not massively technical and it is hard going, if you have a poor defence, you will be punished with route one justice, straight to prison.

League 2 Justice

This level of justice is the most difficult to get out of, you can be left floundering for years or just drop out of it completely, totally ignored. It is not pretty to witness but there can be odd moments of joy, sometimes on a rainy Tuesday evening, a long way from home.

If you can’t even get into these tiers, you end up with the Non-Justice League, it's madness, shear bloody madness.

https://pixabay.com/photos/justice-statue-lady-justice-2060093/

https://www.newsbiscuit.com/

Personal Independence to cease to exist

The government is looking at modifying the benefits bill passing through Parliament following a backlash from over one hundred Labour MPs, with the Government relying on the opposition to have any chance of passing the bill.

The modification accepts that the current bill is unfair to those people currently in receipt of Personal Independence Payments, PIP, on the grounds that the payments exist to make them personally independent.  A government spokesman admitted that personal independence 'did sound like something you'd find in the Human Rights legislation.' 

The government agrees that to withdraw the payment from people who have undergone rigorous and often demeaning checks on their incapacities would be wrong, but maintain that by withdrawing the benefit for new claimants 'saves them the distress of undergoing demeaning and rigorous checks, which must be worth a few bob in anyone's money,' the spokesman suggested.  The 'few bob' apparently being the value of the current benefit.

World endures 24-hour salvo of gloating from Trump

'I came, I bombed, I made everlasting peace everywhere,' bragged Trump to two dozen images of himself reflected in the lenses of television cameras in the Oval Office.

'No one makes bigglier peace deals than me,' he crowed, as a billion TV viewers hurled shoes at their screens in exasperation.

'And after I flattened Oslo with my personal fleet of Boast-2 bombers, people are saying I'm a shoo-in for the 2025 Nobel Peace Prize. They're already saying it'll be the last Peace Prize ever awarded, because we won't need any others after this.'

'We need regime change," said the Ayatollah Khameini, pulling out clumps of his beard in fury, 'because America has become a rotten, corrupt theocracy with a supreme leader who does nothing but worship himself.'