Canada to rename Gordie Howe bridge

Canada has, with a heavy heart, announced plans to rename the recently opened Gordie Howe bridge that links Canada to the US.

'It's not big, and it's not clever,' said Premier Mark Carney. 'I feel that we are being dragged down to Trump's level. But we have agreed to match tariffs dollar for dollar, so we can't let the big orange man-baby rename Lake Ontario without a response.

'From Monday, the Gordie Howe bridge will be officially renamed the Donald Trump Is An Economically Illiterate Bully And A Big Fat Loser And An Epstein Loving Pervert Bridge. We've already bought the web domain.'

image by Grok

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Iran war over as Strait of Hormuz renamed Strait of America

The conflict in Iran is over.  Iran has unconditionally surrendered after hearing about the United States declaration that the Strait of Hormuz is to be referred to, by the US Government but nobody else, as the Strait of America.  This cessation of hostilities is proof that all those who thought Donald Trump's renaming of stuff was just performative willy-waving without any substance were mistaken.

Acknowledging the power of Trump signing an unconstitutional executive order and then posting about it on his Truth Social app, an Iranian spokesman admitted that his country no longer had the means to control the flow of shipping through the waterway. He said, 'We have no choice but to stop all our military action in the face of such a devastating change to paperwork regarding the conflict being issued by the White House.'

Buoyed by this success after only six months of mistreating his servicemen and women, using up most of his military inventory and murdering schoolgirls, Trump is apparently considering whether Greenland should be referred to as the Green Land Of The Free.  Suggestions that Pete Hegseth was to be renamed Pete Competent Hegseth were however dismissed as ridiculous.

image from Grok

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Scotland's Birth Rate Falls to Record Low

The number of babies being born in Scotland fell to a record low for the third consecutive year, new figures show.

The figures from the National Records of Scotland (NRS) show live births of 45,067 in 2025, the lowest number since records began in 1855.  NRS spokesperson Gail Winds suggested that part of the reason could simply be due to the unattractiveness of Scotland and the Scottish people.

'Scotland is cold, wet and windy,' she said.  'And that's just the summer; winter is usually worse.  Add to that the general lack of attractiveness amongst its population, so it's no wonder that the birth rate is down.  I mean, most people here have a face that only a mother could love. New mothers are often seen pulling their babies' prams'

Further data released today by NRS also showed that for the 11th consecutive year, deaths continue to outnumber births.  'That proves,' continued Winds, 'that people are dying to leave Scotland.'

image from pixabay

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