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King Charles in 'advanced talks' over Haaland problem



King King Charles is said to be making good progress in his bid to get Donald Trump to force.... sorry, request  FIFA  to issue a retrospective red card to Erling Haaland for doing nothing wrong in Norway's world cup round of 16 win over Brazil, thereby making the freak of nature ineligible for the quarter final with England,, 


Citing the special relationship, Charles wasn't making much progress so he then moved on to the next stage, threatening  to ask the relevant people to release the peepee tapes and then stage 3, an accidental release of Unredacted Epstein files in full (and to hell with his ex brother), or maybe a serious car crash.


image from Grok


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Clacton loses hardworking MP


As Nigel Farage resigns, the constituents of Clacton will have to do without his uncanny ability to look busy while doing absolutely nothing. They fondly recalled his ‘delegating’ of casework tasks by pretending not to hear them. And whose main parliamentary achievement was turning up late and leaving early.


One Clacton resident observed, ‘I admired his unwavering commitment to avoiding eye contact when responsibility approached. And I’ll miss his bold stance of abstaining from everything, except free lunches. His surgery was a locked door and a sign saying ‘Back in 10 minutes’…for eight months straight.’


The community will miss Mr Farage’s dedicated outreach programme—one Christmas card sent to the wrong address. Said another, ‘He was the human equivalent of a phone line that rang forever and was never answered. At least his inbox will finally know peace after years of being used exclusively as storage.’


image from Grok


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Footy - 'My biggest achievement in office' claims Starmer


'I just want to say - and let me be absolutely clear about this - the England team's success in a recent football match against Mexico was, to a very large extent, due to the not inconsiderable degree of encouragement they received from their supporters in England.'


'And this support would not have been so prolific if it had not been possible for honest, hard-working football enthusiasts from all parts of England, regardless of wealth or occupation - including, but not limited to toolmakers and the sons of toolmakers - to attend premises providing public refreshment during the actual time of the contest in question.'


'With regard to the question of regional priorities, as a retiring prime minister, it would not be appropriate for me to offer any comment except to respectfully draw attention to the fact that the city of Manchester does not have a team competing in the current ongoing world football championship contezzz ... ' 


image by Grok


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