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Clacton voter refuses to go home



Dorothy Duvet, a voter in Clacton, has refused to leave the polling station where she voted last week.  'I'm not walking all the way home again in this heat,' complained Dorothy, 86.  'I'm just going to wait here until the next by-election.  It took me all afternoon to just read the ballot paper, and that was after I managed to find my reading glasses.'


'I'm exhausted now.  Do you have a glass of water, please?  Then all I need is somewhere to sit quietly, out of the sun and away from the seagulls, after I've been to the ladies'.  I hope that nice garage man won the election.  I couldn't really see what that bin man looked like - he might have been a foreigner.'



Image credit: deep dream generator



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Farage resigns as MP again

Nigel Farage has decided to announce his resignation as an MP, triggering another by-election.


'The establishment, police, fraud office, an ex-wife, everyone who's every worked with me have been out to get me but I've discovered that while I'm standing in a by-election, the kangaroo court comprised of other MPs can't examine my entirely innocent donation, er gift, er security payment from an overseas crypto billionaire so my plan is to spend the time up to the next general election resigning and being re-elected an MP.


'So, vote for me in October, December, February - in fact every three months for the next two years. Clever is not the word.'




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Sudoku editor in bigly trouble


The puzzles editor of the Washington Post is in big trouble after yesterday's Sudoku.  Donald Trump has demanded his resignation, MAGA activists have been burning copies of the paper and ICE investigators are checking his family tree for non-American DNA.


The problems were caused because every row of the Sudoku contain the consecutive digits 8-6-4-7, which is taken to be an exhortation to kill the President.


The puzzles editor has defended his position.  In a scary meeting with the right-wing press, he suggested that - because a Sudoku only uses the digits 1 to 9 - it was inevitable that this would eventually happen. 


The editor gently hinted that some MAGA supporters might be overthinking things a bit, as the sequence 8647 could appear in many places – credit card numbers, licence plates, phone numbers, bank account details.  It was important to remember that the sequence of digits was almost always NOT an exhortation to murder.


In unrelated incidents, the top line of yesterday’s cryptic crossword answers read LOSER and TRUMP, the first column read VOTE DEMOCRAT, and the word ladder puzzle challenged readers to change GOLD into SHIT by changing one letter at a time.




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