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'Hatzolah? I thought it was Hezbollah!' says Netanyahu


Israeli Prime Minister Binyamin Netanyahu apologised today for the destruction of four ambulances in north London.


The ambulances belonged to Hatzolah, a voluntary organisation that provides healthcare services for the local Jewish community. Unfortunately, it’s thought the IDF’s intelligence division confused them with Hezbollah.


Netanyahu has apologised for the mistake, though he also pointed out that by the standards of IDF precision strikes, hitting London instead of Lebanon was relatively accurate.


'Of course we’re shocked and upset,' said a spokesman for north London’s Jewish community. 'Then again, the actions of Israel have always been enormously damaging to diaspora Jews, and it’s never made us reconsider our unthinking support. So I can’t imagine it will now,'


Another spokesman said it was one of the darkest days in recent Jewish history, though it turned out he hadn’t heard about the ambulances, and was talking about Spurs losing 3-0 to Nottingham Forest.



Image credit: Wix AI

NewsBiscuit Exclusive: The Trump False Flag Operation before it happens


Predicted to be one of the worst false flag operations in an already packed field of despicable actions, a big, beautiful “terrorist” incident will be manufactured later this year. Codenamed: Operation Justify The War.

Expectations are low, and they will be barely met. A newly insured Trump Tower will have a newly insured Trump plane crash into it, really original.


Never Forget Trump Tower merchandise will be available the day before in the Trump Store.

A load of TrumpCoin will be placed on betting “speculation” websites, predicting an exact time of the incident and will be weirdly accurate.


The date will be nicely before the November US Midterm elections. NewsBiscuit predicts 12th September, so it is one better than 9/11. If the US public are getting back into the Trump-Epstein Files, then this may be moved forward.


AI images of Trump rescuing orphans and puppies from the wreckage are already being “brain” stormed on ex-Twitter and TruthSocial. Most camera footage of the event will be 5 seconds long and be from every angle possible and mostly have Grok logos in the corner.


Melania will probably be on the plane.


Trump will wear his special MAGA black baseball hat at her funeral, if he decides to attend, only $55 at the Trump store.


America does like a good unifying mass death incident to Article Five it’s Natoalliesreluctant acquaintances into never ending excursions.



Crew of HMS Sitting Duck terrified they'll be sent to Gulf



"The PM's being badgered constantly by Donald Trump to send a warship to the Strait of Hormuz," said Commander John Doomed, skipper of the minesweeper Sitting Duck.


"We're all worried that one day soon he'll buckle under the pressure and send us, since we're the only boat on hand in Portsmouth Harbour bigger than a fishing smack.


"I shouldn't say this," continued the captain, sailing his vessel under a ladder, "but this has always been an unlucky ship - ever since the day we were launched by Prince Andrew, who broke a bottle of Eau de Guiffre over our bow.


"Then our bosun shot an albatross in the wardroom while going for a double top, and the ship's cat died of mange.


"We'd inevitably be sunk within two minutes of setting rudder in that strait, so why won't they have pity on us and send someone else? They could use the Royal Navy rowing boat Banana Skin, or that state of the art coracle made of reeds - HMS Short Straw.


"They'd do sod-all good opening up the shipping lanes, but at least they'd be smaller targets. In fact, the Iranians might not realise they were there at all."



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