Massive operation launched to rescue White House ballroom

More details have emerged of the huge mission undertaken to save President Trump's White House ballroom after the project was shot down.

On the President's orders, thousands of lawyers were deployed across the country, issuing hundreds of writs to bring the ballroom back to life.

'We really flooded the zone with these legal eagles," one General Counsel told the press. "They've been hand picked by the our president for being maximum-strength grasping and unscrupulous, like him, and they knocked down every court order in the way to rescue this precious plan from the trash.'

A gloating President Trump later displayed blueprints of his ballroom to a baying crowd of supporters, while also parading before them a column of judges in chains who he planned to feed to the alligators.

'Taxpayers should be happy that their government is spending all its time, and all their money, on a huge legal operation like this," said a spokes-caiman for the White House. "And they should be thankful we have this band of legal harpies who'll do anything to keep the President's tacky vanity projects safe from his enemies - ie. anyone who's ever said 'no' to him.'

UK Security Vetting 'unsurprised' Mandelson failed vetting

'Quite honestly, we don't know what the furore is all about,' said a spokesman for the government agency. 

'People, usually politicians but sometimes the offspring of KGB officers, are nominated for vetting all the time.  They always fail, it's always ignored,' he said, pointing out that practically every Conservative politician promoted to a sensitive role in the last fourteen years of Conservative government had an impression of being a 'tax dodging,  law breaking, corrupt piece of sh!t.  And that was the good ones, there was also Johnson, Jenrick and Zahawi who collectively bent the concept of being incorruptible to face the opposite direction, he added.

'To be honest, if we ever passed anyone, we'd assume they were a Russian plant, so would fail them too'.

Trump hopes to win Congress over by plans to have White House ballroom modelled on Xanadu

During what is thought to be a nap brought on by sundowning (dementia fatigue), the US President discarded the notion from a previous dream, where he imagined himself as a deity, and now realises he is the reincarnation of Kubla Khan and intends to have the White House ballroom modelled on Xanadu.

In a post on Truth Social, President Trump promised the ballroom would be opened by none other than Olivia Neutron-Bomb, singing her hit record, with a cast of reality TV dancists, hand-picked and schooled in dancing perfection by himself.

The President went on to say, he is having slot meters that accept Trumpcoins fitted to the Electric Light Orchestra, so guests can hear Xanadu played as many times as they wish.