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Recent excitement about seeing an Englishman going out in the midday sun, was in itself remarkable not only because of the unusual appearance of the sun at this time of year, but more particularly that it appeared at noon, has now been eclipsed, as the Nations lungs were almost overfilled of breath intakes, there suddenly appeared this mans wife.


As shock waves rippled through communities across the nation, even Mr & Mrs Tombony at no 17 were inspired to but the milk bottles out together, before it got dark.


Ladies who used to walk the dog in the park, have now been seen walking their husbands, whilst the dog stares wistfully through the net curtains at home.


BBC have announced a rebranding of a popular series, now to be called “A Man and his Wife” in an effort to boost flagging Licence fees.


Terms like “a couple” have been trending although scholars have been scrolling through parchments and dictionaries to see if there are historically any connection to other interpretation of that particular described activity.


A palace Spokesman said “One would prefer not to comment about the term Couple, as it could mean “one” then another “one” , but he would not go so far as to say it implied in any way that “One” was giving the other “One” One, (as it were ), and hopefully not in public.


image by Grok



The NHS has announced separate corridors for patients who are men, patients who are women, patients who are men pretending to be women, patients who women pretending to be men, patients who decline to choose, patients who do choose but who decline to declare which their preference is, straight corridors, gay corridors, miserable corridors, one-way corridors and corridors which run both ways.



Bears have reacted angrily to ITV’s undercover filming which apparently shows prominent members of the community shitting in the woods.


‘We were misled’, one bear said. ‘We thought they shared our interest in woodland activities. They were dressed in bear suits and convinced us they were bears, too. I feel dirty’.


The programme, due to air on Sunday evening, has divided the nation. Jerry (36) from Grimsby says: ‘I think we always knew what they did in those places. You just have to go to any woodland area, it’s obvious’. Frank (53) from Coventry disagrees: ‘Come on, we all do it. The metropolitan elite like to pretend they don’t, but we all know how dirty they really are. It’s natural.’


The leader of the bear community, known only as ‘Nigel’, has been uncharacteristically quiet all week. He typically holds a press conference twice a day, but has been absent since the early footage of members squeezing out a length, leading to speculation that his own filthy hole might have been caught on camera.


ITV refused to comment, though insiders are said to be excited about footage emerging from the Vatican City.


image by Grok


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