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Putin promises no more wars, if Europe respects Russia


Putin has promised there will be no more wars, if Europe respects Russia.


His spokesman went on to explain that respect, in this context, means not objecting when Russia takes entire countries that Russia thinks it rightfully owns because it conquered them once before. And not offering them military assistance and funding. Also respecting Russia's plans to make Europe dependent on Russian resources like oil and gas. And not developing weapons that could counter Russia's weapons, such as anti-missile systems and nuclear missiles. And not stationing them anywhere near Russia's borders. And not even having the ability to cut off Russia's maritime access through the Baltic or the Black Sea or the Arctic. And not suggesting that Russia's occupation of Georgian territory, or Chechnya, is in any way wrong or unjustified. And not even talking about human rights in Russia. And not harboring Russian opposition figures. And allowing Russia to fund lobbying and bribes in our political systems.


You know, the usual respecty things, like in Goodfellas.


And this time, Putin is definitely not lying, whatever you might have been told he has promised in the past.



US Government roll out new ESTA applications


On Tuesday, the US. Government is expected to rollout a new version of the ESTA Waiver process. Applicants will now be required to not only fill out an extensive history of their history including their mother's maiden name, but also favourite pets, account numbers, sort codes and the last three digits on the back of every bank card for every account they've ever had.


In addition to these, there will be the infinitely more reasonable need for their dogs names, their dogs parents names, a complete genealogical history dating back to c. 1400 (extended back further to any nefarious involvement in the Peasants' Revolt where appropriate) their phone number, their mums' friend Barbra's phone number and a thesis on the origin of the universe (SHOW YOUR WORKING).


Trump claims that this is to "Fight Illegal Aliens" entering the country. Critics have said that he is yet to provide any examples of why this would in any way help. He has gone on to claim that this is a new tariff, this time on the movement of tourists into the U.S.A. "We all thought this was a Very Good idea, Very Good idea. Entering this country should be a privilege that only the best should have access to." When asked whether he'll have access to this information, he claimed our reporters were "Losers" from the "Lame Stream Media" and went on a rant on Truth Social.


Travel industry analysts warn that the new form may deter some visitors, particularly those who prefer not to hand over the details needed to empty their bank accounts.


The US Department of Homeland Security has declined to comment, though insiders suggest the next update to the ESTA may include a request for travellers’ PIN numbers and the answers to all future security questions they don’t know they’ll be asked yet.


Author: youngbsl



Your guide to Party membership fees


The Reform Party now has more members than the Conservatives.  This is probably because Reform is dirt cheap to join.  A grubby twenty-five quid in used notes will get you in (ten quid for concessions) and you get a free flag.  And if you can't afford the fee, then Aaron Banks will probably pay it for you.  Anything to get the numbers up.


Labour charges an impressive £70.50 a year, because party membership fees aren’t included in the ONS inflation calculations, and because ‘We’re Worth It’.  Psychologists say that a high price sends a signal that the product is high quality.  Voters says that psychologists don’t know what they’re on about.  Do you remember that old bargain offer of Labour membership for three quid?  Long gone, just like Ed Miliband.


Plaid Cymru, the Greens, and Your Party (name correct at time of publication) all charge £60.  Plaid Cymru offers a bargain rate for £2 a year, if you are under 18, or a sheep, and you get a My First Party app for your smartphone. You may also need to be Welsh. That wasn’t clear.  Plaid is a good party to join if you have a burning desire to get into politics.


The Lib Dems charge £50 – remember them?  For just £50 you can enjoy watching 72 MPs punching well below their weight.  Do the Lib Dems get fourteen times the publicity that Reform gets with 5 MPs?  Nope.


You can join the Conservatives for £39 a year.  Cash payments are encouraged; euros not accepted.  If you are unwaged, then the annual fee rises to £78.  Despite the bargain-basement price, membership numbers continue to plummet faster than lemmings off a cliff.  The Tories have haemorrhaged members after the shame of the Brexit, Boris and Liz Truss debacles, and disastrous election results, and disastrous policies.  If you can afford to pay a bit more - an extra million or so - then you can play an active role in setting party policies.


Finally, the SNP charge a bargain-basement annual fee of £12, inadvertently reinforcing an unacceptable racial stereotype.  Membership includes free motorhome insurance.  Do the SNP’s 9 MPs get twice the publicity that Reform gets?  Nay.


Anyway, times is hard. The New Year is always a good time to review subscriptions that you don’t use.  Magazines, gym subscriptions, streaming services, and, yes, political parties, too.  

Maybe Poundland should start a political party. Then we’d all be quids in...



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