Trump explains why he picked on Iran

'I chose to bomb Iran, rather than anywhere else on the planet, since its name strikes a real chord with me,' Trump told the drone fleet in the White House press corps.

'That's because I ran away from military service in Vietnam, and I ran away from my creditors in Atlantic City.

'Also, I ran away from the Epstein investigation by gratuitously starting this war.

'The next place I'll be bombing is Havana.

'That's because I've been Havana great time throwing my weight about as US Fuhrer... I mean, president.'

USA explains the "special" in special relationship means retarded

A four-star General explained: 'We are very mindful of using inclusive language and avoiding harmful labelling. In no way do we want undermine or devalue an individual on the basis of physical impairment, but we can all agree the British are f$*king mental.'

The backwards manner in which the UK follows America into one illegal war after another, is a clear sign that the lights on but no one is home. Sending British troops to their death just to get a tickle under the chin by Donald Trump is very definition of madness.

'Call it Political Correctness, call it Woke,, we don't want to give offense—but you have to agree that the Brits have a special gift—they're as thick as $hit. I would never use the "R" word to describe another human being, but in relation to Keir Starmer he really is "R" and a bit of a "C" as well.'

UK to unleash its top drone in Iran conflict

"In times of war, this is the most effective weapon at Britain's disposal," said a Ministry of Defence spokes-ammunition dump.

'It can throw cold water on any conflict and overwhelm every aggressor out there with feelings of stultifying weariness and lethargy.

'Developed out of the dessicated remnants of a crashingly boring lawyer, we have codenamed our drone the Keir Starmer.

'It can drone for hours on end in the Commons without getting tired of itself, invoking this or that tedious rule for precisely when and why UK overseas military bases can or cannot be used by the US.

'We will now deploy the Keir on the world stage, to drone on at fellow politicians in the Middle East and in the UN Security Council.

'If all goes well, the Keir drone will have the same effect on Trump, Netanyahu and the Iranian leadership as it has had on the UK public over the past two years - filling them with an irresistible urge to yawn loudly, stop doing whatever they were doing and just sit on their sofas staring blankly at the wall.

'And we give these world leaders fair warning: in full drone mode, Sir Keir can be almost lethally dull.'

Meanwhile, human rights groups in the UK protested that for the past two years, the British government has been using the Keir drone on its own people.