Donald Trump's Medical Report, by Dr Seuss

Under pressure from Kamala Harris, who has released medical reports showing that she is in excellent health, Donald Trump has followed suit.  His medical report, prepared by his personal physician, Dr Seuss, is as follows:

   His face is shiny

Tears are briny

   Outlook whiny

   Hands are tiny

   His brain is fine

   As good as mine

   His temperature

   Is ninety-nine

   His hair is fair

   I have to share

   His head is bare

   It’s not his hair

   Oh, what a man

   Oh, what a plan

   His face is like

   Green eggs and ham

   He has a heart

   He is a fighter

   I wish he’d do

   His tie up tighter

   His conscience clear

   He has no fear

   He has a hole

   In his right ear

   His skin’s not great

   As you have seen

   It’s an odd shade

   Of tangerine

   His skin is like

   A wrinkled peach

   Or one that’s soaked

   In too much bleach

   At seventy-eight

   His mental state

   Is not so great

   Covfefe, mate

   And so for my

   Enormous fee

   I promise that

   He’s problem free.

Image: Pixabay: TheDigitalArtist

Medically obese not to be treated like fat cats

The government has decided that those citizens who are clinically obese are to be 'encouraged' to take part in a lucrative experiment, with the encouragement expected to be a reduction or removal of their benefits.

A study has determined that the contract will result in a number of fat cats who will not have their subsistence removed; rather it will increase with each individual working at the top end of the drug manufacturer becoming filthy rich.  

Other studies have shown making healthy foods more affordable than unhealthy ones would likely result in many of the clinically obese becoming less obese and more likely to become economically productive without expensive drugs, but the fat cats that donate to the government tend to disagree as they largely get fat on ultra processed food.  And providing drugs.

Image: Pixabay/Joa70

Hurricane which devastated 'Orange State' failed to harm bigliest Orange

Officially known as the Sunshine State, Florida also attracts the nickname 'The Orange State'. Although many assume it refers to vast crops of fruit grown there, this is not so. Largely because multitudes of hurricanes created by Democrats barrel across Florida each season, devastating the sweet citrus spheres prior to harvest.

You can be sure this is entirely true because Fox News spent 0 seconds fact checking it.

The real reason it is referred to as the Orange State is due to the growing numbers of papaya-shaded interlopers replanted there from other States. Many natives say that the invasive species will one day completely cover every golf course in Florida.

The main target of the Democrat hurricanes is the King of the vibrantly coloured bulbous globes, who is once more sadly missed this year. On the other small hand, orange futures look bright.

Image: Pixabay/ralfskysegel