Existence of Ukraine main obstacle to peace, says Russia’s former Defense Minister

The existence of Ukraine’s Constitution will prevent Kyiv from initiating peace talks with Russia and ending the war, said Russia’s former Defense Minister and current Security Council Secretary, earlier today.

'The main difficulty is their constitution prohibits negotiations on changing territorial integrity, whereas the Russian Constitution allows changing the borders, but only if they move further away from Moscow.

The remarks were made to Russian state-run media TASS, and appeared to express surprise Ukraine wants to retain control of its borders.

The former official demanded that before there could be a cease-fire, Ukraine's constitution should be amended to make it more similar to the Russian Constitution, and allow border changes in the direction further away from Moscow.

'Except for the frontline in Southern Ukraine, where for geographical reasons that would would give territory back to Ukraine. Which of course is absurd.'

Photo by Eugene on Unsplash

Liz Kendall shoots guide dog

Having decided to go pure evil, the Work and Pensions Secretary said anyone avoiding work would be taken to the woods and shot. When questioned as to whether this was ethical she snapped a pair of crutches over her knee and stamped on a hearing aid - while someone was still wearing it.

Her approach would be carrot and stick. The stick is forcing thousands of disabled citizens into abject poverty. While the carrot would simply be rammed up their arse.

Saving £5bn in benefits would also help fund the sudden big increase in burial pits and wheelchair disposal. Disabled Groups said they were concerned that this could pressure the vulnerable into assisted suicide, her aide remarked 'We bloody well hope so.'

How to boycott American goods

Donald Trump is messing up world trade, and it’s important that everyone registers their disapproval.   Everyone can make a difference.

Here’s how to send your protest to the White House:

• Swap Coke and Pepsi for Vimto and Irn-Bru

• Swap Mickey Mouse for Dangermouse

• Watch rugby instead of American football, netball instead of basketball and rounders instead of baseball

• Watch Sherlock instead of Elementary

• Swap Bud for Watney’s Red Barrel and drink tap water instead of Bud Light

• Swap American rednecks for a British sunburn all over (weather permitting)

• Swap RVs for a static caravan. Vehicles that big are just dangerous to drive.

• Swap Typhoons for Ty-Phoo

Photo by Nicholas Cappello on Unsplash