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US classification levels explained

Writer: SullySully
3 days ago


Top Secret

Includes details such as nuclear launch codes, identities of secret agents, design of fighter jets.


Storage: Cardboard boxes in a private bathroom should be okay


Transmission: Try not to send this information to random strangers. If you do – blame the random stranger for existing



Secret

Includes troop movement plans, strategic military objectives, encryption codes


Storage: Under the bed


Transmission: Facebook, but use a better password than 123456 this time, ok?



Confidential

Includes military protocols, the formula for Donald’s tanning agent and Stormy Daniels’ safeword.


Storage: Whatever


Transmission: Yadda yadda, who cares?




Actually, we would like a hand-out, says working class

Writer: deskpilotdeskpilot
3 days ago


Angela Rayner has been briefing that working class people don’t want hand outs, they just want support to find a job.


But the working class has begged to differ.   ‘A hand out would be great,’ said one grizzled worker/benefit recipient.   ‘Who wouldn’t want a hand-out?  The toffs have been helping themselves.   Businesses want grants.   Pensioners want hand-outs.  We’d all love a hand out.   Angela must have been tired and emotional, or something, if she said we don’t want a hand out.’


He shook his head sadly. ‘She’s gone native. Power corrupts.  Disappointing.’


Another worker agreed. ‘It doesn’t have to be a big hand-out. A gesture would be nice. Hold down the price of a stamp. Cancel the increase in passport costs.  Do something about standing charges for people who don’t use much energy.


‘That stupid budget thing about a penny off a pint was annoying.  Sure, you can reduce the tax on the beer, but if you whack up business rates, minimum wage and national insurance, then the net effect is that beer costs more.  We did notice that - we're not stupid.  It's disappointing.  Come on, Angela, throw us a bone.’




Lib-Dem Party considers changing its name to Unpopulist Party

Writer: TitusTitus
4 days ago


'We've done our best to avoid pissing people off, and we've consistently opposed Brexit' said a calm, polite, sensible-looking spokesman / spokesperson / spoke / speaker / whatever-the-most-inoffensive / non-challenging / politically acceptable title currently is 'and we are told that being "populist", whatever that actually means, is apparently regarded as not-a-good-thing.'


'So after a lot of - er, OK, maybe a little bit of - brainstorming = well, gentle brain-mildly-inclement-weatherstorming - we had been considering changing the name of our party to something like the Unpopulist Party, or perhaps the Unpopular Front for Democratic Liberalism. (We decided to politely ignore the troublemakers, with all due respect, who had suggested calling ourselves the Unpopular Front for Liberal Democracy.)'


'However when we tried to find out how the voters would be likely to respond to this change, we were dismayed to receive a near-universal response of "Who the f**k are the Liberal Democrats?". So instead of changing our name from one which no-one had heard of to a different one which no-one even understood, we decided to carry on spending our time blindfold underwater bungee-jumping on unicycles instead. At least that's a bit more fun, and definitely more useful than engaging in politics.'




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