The National Union of Serial Killers today announced a ground-breaking dismemberment outsourcing deal allowing them to focus on core competencies.
“We’ve discussed the messy, time-consuming and dangerous business of dismemberment and disposal and decided that this can’t go on, “ said Barrat Conch, a prolific serial killer from Norfolk, “I mean, I love the profiling, the choosing of victims, the pursuit etc. But the aftermath is always a bit meh. I always am on a massive come down after killing so the last thing I want to do is think about acid baths and weighted bin bags.”
It thought that the organisation to win the contract is Capita, the government contractor, who has said that they have already mobilised a fleet of blacked out transit vans emblazoned with the services' slogan, “we’ll take it from here”.
“The British Serial killer is behind the times,” said Melissa Leckwith, head of Dismemberment Operations, “so we are proud to allow them to concentrate on the thing that they’re good at. And for the rest…”, she winked, “we’ll take it from here”.
Although details of the deal are sparse, it is thought that most “waste” will be either transported to Myanmar for disposal or made available for cattle feed.
H/T Titus
Image: geralt - Pixabay
