Trump to release Epstein files after Game of Thrones

The President has been accused of delaying incriminating evidence by tying it to George.R.R.Martin's work rate. A spokeswoman clarified. 'Nonsense, the President has every confidence George will release the final books. He wants to put all the dodgy sex behind him, although George wrote it like that.'

Much like the books, Trump is hoping the files have an anticlimactic ending - preferably without him climaxing. HBO are said to be interested in the files but are concerned that it will be too rude even for them.

Conspiracy theorists think George will be killed before he finishes, although fans have said that he's more likely to die of old age first. 'The President hoping neither the files or books have a happy ending. And, yes, he knows that has a double meaning.'

Photo by Wesley Tingey on Unsplash

'We should have acted earlier, but we couldn't afford to' says BBC suit

A BBC big cheese has said the corporation ideally should have acted sooner on concerns about the way a Panorama documentary featuring Donald Trump was edited, exposing the corporation to the risk of being sued in UK courts. However, the delay has rather conveniently meant that the time limit for a libel case in the UK has expired.

The comments follow the smooth, even slick, smiling, resignation of the broadcaster's director general Tim Davie and CEO of News Deborah Turness.

The BBC has been under fire amid accusations that the documentary misled viewers, splicing sections from a Donald Trump speech on 6 January 2021 to make it appear he was explicitly urging people to attack the US Capitol.

The controversial edit was highlighted in a well-timed, leaked BBC memo published by the Telegraph newspaper last week.

'We can still be sued in the US' said the big chief, 'but that's the government's problem, so meh'

Who isn't mentioned in the Epstein files/emails?

That sultry divorcee from number 23 is almost certainly in the files, as is Barry who works the till at Asda.  Obviously any politician you don't like is in there, probably the one you do like is too. Rock stars?  Probably, although ironically McCartney isn't.  Yet.

But are these people really in the files, or was Epstein just harvesting names and email addresses randomly?  Did he buy up email hacks from the dark web, the  not-so-dark web and the positively really dark web?

Is it really likely that the current President of the United States, a Republican, has given a former, Democrat, President a blowjob?  Or did Epstein get confused - about who got the BJ?

Anyway, Trump has an army of people trawling through the Epstein files removing his name and inserting someone else's instead.  That's your name, you know that, don't you?

In our next detailed report we'll discuss how conspiracy theories are started, and by who.