top of page
Search

Quitting bombing could be tough for Israeli war cabinet


"If you've been bombing Gaza constantly for two years, you may experience severe withdrawal pangs from a ceasefire," Dr Hiram S. Sidewinder told members of Israel's war cabinet, following instructions from President Trump to stop the attacks.


"You may be saying to yourselves 'one more raid can't do any harm'," said the author of The Only Way to Stop Bombing. "But you must resist the temptation.


"Take your mind off the pain with constructive displacement activities, such as embezzling public funds or building illegal settlements in the West Bank."


"It's so hard!" said Israel's Minister of Collective Punishment, who wished to remain anonymous.


"You think you can handle the prospect of a permanent truce with your neighbours all right, but then you wake in the middle of the night with an almost uncontrollable age to fire up a squadron of F-16s for one last bombing run on Palestine or Syria or wherever's in reach."


"Face facts," said Sidewinder, "you've let this bombing habit become a fatal addiction and you deperately need to quit, for everyone's health."



What the farage? - Noleg Farageov is secret British triple bluff to fool Putin


A double agent for both MI5 and MI6 has confirmed that Noleg Farageov is a sweet, sweet play to con Russia into believing they've installed another Boris in Londongrad.


'Listen very carefully, I will say this only three times,' explained agent Uvve Doubléé (probably not his real name).


'After Boris The-Clearly-Not-Russian Alexander-The-Great Johnski dismantled British sovereignty, we had Putin right where we wanted him. Luzzia Trussalev did not quite finish off the UK, so it will now be the turn of Noleg Farageov.


'The most important part of the plan is that as much damage as possible is done to Britain, so that Vladimir and his inner circle do not suspect a thing. Then, at the critical moment when he least expects, we will reveal that we knew what he was doing all along by feeding him disinformation about whether or not we knew.


'We will then laugh at Putin and his ex-KGB Comrades and how we carefully played them, outwitted them, and deviously duped them all for so many years. It will be the greatest win for intelligence in history.'


'It is a high level strategy codenamed Bletchley, developed during the Second World War to throw Hitler off the scent by letting the Nazis destroy everything we had. It was very clever because we had in reality decoded the Enigma machine, and all along he never suspected.


'The Turing Test was used again in 1950s America. Unfortunately, that developed into a quadruple bluff when McCarthy tarnished America's finest patriotic minds as Communists, doing Russia a huge favour.


'But we have come a long way since then. Farageov is the perfect triple agent because he has no idea he is actually working on the side of the British. Once he has become Prime Minister and completely destroyed Britain, it is then that we will strike to maximise the uber-Machiavellian plot to humiliate Putin.'



TitusScam Homeopathic Wellfullness Tablets


These are supplied - eventually - probably, and at additional cost - in the form of an empty box which used to contain the tablets.  However they are about to be superseded by a mega-powerful new treatment, which we can prove is definitely even more effective because it's far more expensive.  This consists of an empty box which used to contain tablets made from the boxes which used to contain early versions of the homeopathic wellfullness tablets.


Our researchers (who are homeopathic scientists, i.e., people who know someone who know someone else whose great-grandfather's next-door neighbour's milkman's brother-in-law always wanted to be a scientist) are now working on an exciting, top-secret new development.  This will involve the boxes which used to contain tablets only taken by people who always steadfastly refused to accept any form of vaccination - the ultimate, vaccine resistant homeopathic wellfullness treatment.


This has been highly recommended by US Health Secretary Kennedy and is expected to be endorsed by President Trump - provided there is no risk that any qualified person who has the faintest idea what they are talking about might possibly ever describe all this as anything other than a complete load of bollosck.



bottom of page