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Digital ID to include Clubcard points

The government has added more information to the proposed mandatory Digital ID that will include the name, address, phone number, and NI Number for each citizen and will be necessary for starting a new job and being fired from an existing one, whilst replacing the Driving License, Passport and library ticket at the same time.  Citizens will be able to pay their Council Tax, Income Tax, Car Tax, Water Rates, utility bills and library fines using the card, which will be linked to all their bank accounts, investments, Premium Bonds, Lottery account and anything hidden under the mattress.


'We're in talks with Tesco and other supermarkets to include Clubcard point, Asda Rewards, Boots Advantage points and M&S gold plated vouchers.  Waitrose are expected to launch their own Digital ID just for their own customers.  Lidl will not feature on the new ID unless and until the UK re-joins the EU, obviously,' said a government spokesman today.  'You'll even be able to pay speeding fines using your Nectar points, using the card,' he added.


The government insists that the new Digital ID will only be needed for being employed and the other 'bits and pieces' are 'just in case', but added 'good luck with surviving without one.'



Reform top policy to change airport signage to 'Deportures'


Now that Arron Banks has taken back control of our money, Elon Musk has taken back control of our laws, and Russia has taken back control of our borders, it is time for Britain to do the most important things it will ever do.


Becoming bored with flags, or flagging, Reform UK is pivoting to signs. As well as being swarmed by sea, someone in the Party has noticed that Britain is also being invaded through the air. The only way to prevent this is to change airport signs to say 'Our-rivals and Deportures".


These policies will come into effect from next Tuesday, despite Reform not being in government and only having a Jacuzzi-full of MPs.


Oh, and all litter bins everywhere across the land will have plaques on them saying 'Keep Britain Tiny'.


Reform communications officer, the BBC, said, 'We don't know why we are doing this. Everyone knows Reform voters can't spell.'


Image: WixAI

200 years anniversary of first UK train complaint


Saturday 27th September 2025 represents the 200th anniversary of the opening of the first public steam railway - and the first complaints about the railway - between Stockton & Darlington.


The first train ran 15 minutes late and generated a tsunami of complaints from travellers demanding refunds, some of which are still outstanding. Additional complaints were made about soot entering the carriages and settling on the stale bread used to make sandwiches.


Problems continued on day 2, with Stephenson forced to offer a replacement horse and carriage service. Complaints continued to dog the service, even after British Rail took over its running after the Second World War. The long standing issues were only resolved when British Rail closed the line in 1967.


Author: bobski (H/T deskpilot)

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