The pope has asked everyone to treat lizards with respect, in case one of those born in a Telford zoo from a virgin mother might be the second coming of Jesus.
In other religious news, The Catholic Herald is demanding the Chancellor tells the meek how much inheritance tax they will be liable for.
image created by Google Gemini
The Nottingham Post has found itself blacklisted by Nottingham Council, a subsidiary of Reform Ltd. The Councillors aren't allowed to answer questions from the journalists or even to let them judge their colouring-in.
NewsBiscuit understands that its journalists (sic) are also banned from being provided soundbites, dubious factoids or frankly unbelievable claptrap from any part of the council, but especially from the elected morons. In the absence of access to low quality information from lower quality councillors playing at running a council NewsBiscuit has no other option than to make stuff up and write articles that are almost, but critically not quite, libellous about the bell-ends running Nottingham Council. Their colouring-in, by the way, is atrocious. They can't find the line, let alone stay inside of it. Not libellous, just fact.
To save being banned by other Reform Ltd run councils it is now NewsBiscuit policy to write absolute bollocks about each and every other Reform Ltd council in the UK, just as we do and have done about any political entity since we started.
However, following Reform UK Ltd CEO's claim in Washington that Reform Ltd doesn't silence critics or media, NewsBiscuit is now looking forward to seeing the Nottingham Post in Reform briefings soon.
image from Gemini
The UK tested a new early warning system designed to remind people to sell their shares, the moment the Chancellor has a new idea. All phones will issue a high pitched squeak, like your bum on parquet flooring, as markets crash and pensions evaporate.
Other sounds will be used for the Cabinet; Wes Streeting an ice cream truck, David Lammy a slow trumpet wah wah and Liz Kendall the cackle of the Wicked Witch. Some will be more abstract, as Yvette Cooper opted for the sound migrants drowning.
Any announcement by Keir Starmer will be marked by a long embarrassing silence, followed by one polite cough and the sound of tumble weed. Any policy linked to Gaza will be accompanied by the sound of hands wringing, pearls clutching and fake liberal tears. But with no discernible impact.
mage from pixabay
