Trump slams Shakespeare as 'meaningless word salad and garbage'

In a series of late night posts on the ironically named, Truth Social, President Trump, has turned his phenomenal brain power to William Shakespeare, branding The Bard of Avon as, 'A low IQ guy who wrote meaningless word salad and garbage.'

Commenting on Much Ado About Nothing, Trump wrote, 'Huh, he nailed it with the title.' In another petulant post he asks, 'Who the hell was this Henry guy? Seven plays about him when clearly one would’ve been plenty. He must have been the biggest narcissist in history.' His take on All’s Well That Ends Well was, “I thought that bunch of crap was never gonna end at all.”

However, unsurprisingly the great and the good of British acting have been flocking to Twitter all day to defend the accusations levelled at, as some argue, the world's greatest writer ever.

Paraphrasing Shakespeare, Sir Kenneth Branagh posted online: 'The mind boggles at depth of this man’s total ignorance – what’s more, me think he doth protest too much.' While Dame Judy Dench told reporters, 'I have only one word for Trump. It rhymes with banker.' 

However, whether you love the Bard or hate him - perhaps the last word should go to Shakey himself.

'Life is but a walking shadow, a poor player, that struts and frets his hour upon the stage, and then is heard no more; it is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.'

image from grok

Labour have had more resets than Windows Vista

The PM is demanding more time for the nation to decide if they really hate them. According to allies, Mr. Starmer is just one re-branding away from becoming popular—like Elon Musk's X. Hoping that public policy is just a Wi‑Fi router, Sir Keir thinks giving it a good kick and shake will save his arse.

Trying to reset humanity’s collective memory of anything he did in the last five years is unlikely, given his internet search history and his cheeky little genocide. A friend said. "I'm not sure clicking the ruby slippers together will get us back to Kansas. I fear that it will just send Keir to the Epstein Island, with P-Diddy and the Child Catcher."

image from pixabay

Andrew Tate to be named Poet Laureate

Andrew Tate, better known for losing fights and resembling a startled sperm, has attracted attention from the literary community after filming himself driving a fast car and boasting about never reading books.

Britain’s current Poet Laureate, Simon Armitage, has been asked to consider stepping down when it became known that Armitage doesn’t own a supercar or any hoes (we understand this is slang for ‘ladies of a certain disposition’).

‘It’s obvious when you think about it’, a spokesman said. ‘Wealth equals success equals intelligence. Andrew Tate is richer than most of us, ergo he is cleverer than most of us’.

NewsBiscuit isn’t really sure what ‘ergo’ means, but we suspect there must be a flaw in the logic somewhere, we just can’t put our finger on it.

image from pixabay