In an attempt to bolster falling popularity in the opinion polls, and possibly to deflect from the failure to release the Epstein files, the President is planning on a US-wide tour to raise his profile.
'I'm touring this great country bigly and I've been given a solid gold convertible car to drive through the major cities so adoring crowds can fete me,' said the President today, unfurling a large map showing his route from Washington Dead Centre to Dallas High Street, taking in every book depository and grassy knoll en-route, 'as that French loser Macron might say,' added the President.
'Apparently book depositories are great for vantage views for viewing Great Presidents,' he said, adding, 'and grassy knolls are pure confeve for watching from,' he said, noting that his red MAGA hat would make him 'easy to spot'.
Early reports are that every vantage spot is being occupied by citizens from seventy nations already.
