BBC in diversity row as disabled white dwarf set to play Magic Johnson

The BBC came under criticism earlier today after announcing that a one-legged white dwarf will play American basketball legend Magic Johnson in a new series chronicling his life in sport, to be screened in the summer.

Licence payers are incensed by what they see as a ridiculous attempt at diversity and unbridled political correctness.

A spokesperson for the BBC told reporters: ‘We think it’s important to reflect society in real terms, and that’s what we’ve done here.

‘It’s our view that the white dwarf community and people with disabilities should be represented in contemporary drama, so what better way to achieve this than by killing two birds with one stone and casting a white, unidexter dwarf as an extremely tall black athlete.

'Yes, it will be challenging when filming footage of Magic Johnson in action on the basketball court, but we aim to get round that by having a tallish Chinaman lift him up to pull off the slam dunks.'

In 2023, the BBC was heavily criticised after casting a five-times-married black woman, who was confined to an iron lung, to play the teenage Martina Navratilova in a docudrama about her life in tennis.

Image credit: perchance.org

Royal Lodge clean up to cost millions

Specialist cleaners are assessing the damage at the Royal Lodge in Windsor now that Andrew Mountanything Windsor has been kicked out.

'King Charles wants everything to be sterilised, and we have carte blanche to cart away anything that's beyond saving,' said a hench looking Hinch lookalike.

'We found a lot of staining in almost every room. Stained satin curtains are really hard to clean - even harder than dealing with a stained reputation. Don't tell the King I said that. Just my little joke. I expect those curtains are a goner.

'The Royals always favoured fabric wall covering - that's going to be an expensive mistake. Worst of all is that we've found black mould in seven of the bedrooms. You'd expect that on a council estate, but not here. I can't imagine Prince Philip putting up with black mould.

'The worst room was an antechamber, which was used as a TV room. We've cleared out a lot of pizza boxes - I can't tell you which brand, obviously. The grease has penetrated the wing backed sofa, and you wouldn't believe where we found pepperoni and sausage. Someone didn't like it, I reckon, and started throwing it around. Or maybe someone misunderstood the rules of hide the sausage.

'Between you and me, some of this stuff will have to be burnt. I don't think Charles will be happy, but at least he can put the ashes on the veg patch.

'This is going to cost millions to clean up. I don't reckon that Andrew will deal with the bill. By which I mean the invoice, of course, not the rozzers.'

Image credit: perchance.org

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