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With right-wing parties popping up like nobody's business, pollsters are struggling to keep up with the likelihood of any given party garnering enough votes to win a constituency.


'Some of these parties don't have a proper structure in place, for example to depose the leader,' said a leading pollster without indicating whether he thought that was good or bad.  'Most do seem to have secured a decent funding line - from Russia, from Musk - before restricting themselves to donation rules that only fully apply to political parties registered with the electoral commission,' he noted, agreeing that time was running short for them to get registered, recruit sufficient party faithful, vet candidates and print leaflets.


'May isn't that far away,' he noted, speculating that the vetting could be done after the event, 'it seems to work for Reform', he said, adding, 'if it all goes wrong they can just trouser the money they've siphoned from Russia and Musk,' pointing out, 'that also seems to work for Reform.'



You're not sure are you? It could be. It can't be any more bizarre than Curling. And maybe you dreamt that one.


Can all agree that the range of Winter sports is inexplicable. From Nordic Combined to Sculpture Races, from Luge to Snow Mazes -and only one of those is fake.


Seriously, do you know any of the rules? No, of course you don't. No one does. It only makes sense after a bottle of schnapps. And don't get me started on Underwater Snowboarding.


I wouldn't mind, but we never win.



Spy comedy writer Mick Herron is rumoured* to be considering legal action after discovering that Reform is really just Slough House for Tories.


Slough House is Herron’s fictional home for failed spies, the MI5 dumping ground where washouts (aka Slow Horses) are banished to spend their days in pointless tasks, ruled over by an obnoxious, foul-mouthed chain-smoking tramp with Russian connections.


‘Reform is uncannily similar’, a fan told us. ‘If you’re not good enough to be a Conservative MP – hardly the highest of bars – they send you to Reform where you’re forced to criticise your own actions from a few days earlier. Pretty humiliating’.


On the plus side, Slow Horses has quite a high bodycount.


*By ‘rumoured’ we mean ‘somebody, somewhere, might have said this’. Obvs.



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