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Denmark stand up to Trump


Denmark has upped the ante with President Trump by not only sending an advance party of three soldiers to Greenland but by attacking the US in a three pronged economic attack targeted at the President.


Point 1:  Denmark supplies the US with 30% of the insulin it uses.


US response: Ha! The Donald doesn't care because he doesn't know he's type 2 diabetic.  He thinks the daily injection is diet coke.


Point 2:  Denmark supplies the US with 100% of Ozempic.


US response:  Ha!  The Donald doesn't care because he doesn't know he's fat, like really fat.  Hence, see point 1.


Point 3:  Denmark supplies the US with 100% of Lego.


US response:  Ha!  The Donald has other toys to play with, like nuclear missiles.  But he does like building Lego walls on his desk, so maybe he'll relent on the tariffs.




Maybe Greenlanders were the friends we made along the way


In a heart warming end to NATO, the US revealed it had grown emotionally-but also territorially. Trump said. 'The true reward of a quest—is not the achievement itself, but the large mineral deposits in your soul.'


He admitted that the Greenlanders had melted his heart and coincidentally melted their tundra to reveal prime real estate. You can not put a price on friendship he said, but you can put a price on acreage.


He told the Greenlanders they always had the power to return home, it just so happens that home is Kansas. 'Friends are just people who haven't got to know you yet.'




Oh My Godthåb: Greenland renamed the Golf of America


Godthåb is the former name of Greenland's capital, which has not had this much publicity since Kristen Wiig sang Space Oddity to an empty pub as Walter Mitty dived into a chopper with a plastered pilot.


As the increasingly sane, decent and rational President Trump plans to invade it because penguins manufacture oil out of polar bears, Senators considered whether passing a law clarifying that America cannot occupy a NATO territory would make any difference.


No. No it did not. A press statement from the White House briefing ballroom made it perfectly clear: 'Arctic foxes from Greenland are smuggling fentanyl inside their rectums, swimming over to our great country and killing Americans. So we're gonna do something about that. From tomorrow, we will start kicking fox ass with bunker busters.


'Get ready to put another star on our flag. The 51st State will be Greenland, a place which clearly lends itself so well to putting, we will rename it The Golf of America.


'At this time, we ask that no one say out loud what they now call their capital. Nuuk is triggering for the President, and... f**ing sh*tf**k, I just said it, didn't I?'




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