There is outrage that Ellie Kildunne is just a bloody good rugby player and appears to be neither homosexual, transgender, transsexual, nonbinary nor a ranting feminist. Neither is she black or even foreign - being from Yorkshire doesn't really count. As one outraged campaigner said, 'How DARE she not be any of those things? Hasn't she got any self-respect?
A Daily Mail spokesman raged that Ellie is left handed. Left - bloody - handed!
H/T to Deskpilot
Image: victordernitz - Pixabay
The People's Democratic Republic of Putin has announced that the next president of America will be Michael Knight during the week and Mitch Buchannon on Saturdays.
'This will be a government for the people, by the people, Hoff the people,' declared White House press secretary Pamela Anderson. 'And the Vice President will be a talking car.
'This is what the people of China want. There is nothing more politically intoxicating than hotties in red swimsuits with red cans standing in lifeguard towers casting sultry thousand yard stares to dramatic drumbeat soundtracks. It's the only time man-nipples work.
'Anybody who gets into trouble on a jet-ski at the weekend will be saved in slow motion by Mitch and myself personally.
'Monday to Friday, President Knight will be a lone crusader who operates above the law. And our Turbo Boost Button policies are so popular already, there is no need for anyone to vote on anything.'
Image: Hermann - Pixabay
A report in to the UK’s whimsey levels show that reserves are at their lowest level since the end of World War 2.
“It’s somewhat of a crisis”, said Sir Brian Peckworth, the UK’s Lead Whimsey Auditor, “I’ve never known anything like this in all my whimsical career. Over 65s whimsey is still quite strong but 17 and under are in the worst state it’s ever been. And all this for a nation that used to pride it self on its whimsey. It’s saddens me greatly.”
He noted that non-event perfume application was high in the seniors brackets but functional application of brands such as Lynx was high with youth but lacked any notable whimsey. Odd sock wearing; novelty soap and butter dishes; traditional hat wearing; everyday lapel flowers; and blowing bubbles for the over 35s have all seen a huge dip in the last 20 years sending the whimsey levels spiralling.
Mr Peckworth implored Britons to embrace their eccentricities and whimsey by buying and wearing novelty brooches and badges; sporting a diamond tipped cane; using words such as ‘forsooth’ and ‘egads!’ on an everyday basis; and generally accepting fanciful ideas into their lives such as magic, surrealism and Brexit.
