Triangular bandages have long been the staple of first aiders trained by St John's Ambulance personnel. Doughnuts wound out of calico sheets are used to protect items projecting from the body, disappointingly usually depicted as the chest or upper arm, rarely the anus. A carefully tied sling around the neck tied up with a half hitch and a granny is used to support broken arms and a figure of eight wrapped around the neck, previously used to keep broken clavicles from grinding but more frequently used to intimidate first-time first-aiders in an embarrassing initiation ceremony are the main uses for the versatile fabric sheet.
Management personnel, who are unlikely to want to splint a broken arm, elevate a limb or provide CPR (Company Public Relations, apparently) have requested an abridged version of the manual to include who to shout at in an emergency and how to actually put an arse in a sling.
'It's a complicated manoeuvre,' suggested a senior first-aider today. 'We recommend the management learn the more specialised techniques such as putting a leg in a sling first, then progressing to hand to wallet techniques,' he said. A senior manager dismissed the suggestion that the technique could prove challenging. 'I've been covering my arse for decades, that's why I'm where I am today. That and Daddy, of course.'
