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Prime numbers accuse mathematicians of discrimination

Prime numbers from around the world are supporting a claim from the number 17 for the right to self-identify as an even number.  'For far too many years, we prime numbers have had to endure the stigma of being categorised as "odd"' said the number 23, spokesnumber for the World Union of Prime Numbers.  'We are Proud to be Prime, but that doesn't mean we should have to be banned from being even if we feel that that is our true identity.'


'We don't know how many other prime numbers feel the same way, but we suspect that the quantity of them could be infinite.  It may be a long, hard struggle, but we are determined to succeed.  Negative numbers, imaginary numbers - and even old-fashioned square numbers - don't necessarily need to be odd, so why should we?  We are un-divided in our determination to overturn this irrational  discrimination.'


When it was suggested that there may be a number of factors involved, the spokesnumber said 'No, not for us, there aren't.'


'We have made a start by calling for the no-platforming of reactionary, backward-thinking old-guard mathematicians who are reluctant to accept modern ways of thinking, and who persist in claiming that all prime numbers are odd.  The fascist bastards.'


In other news, the number 2 has filed to sue the World Union of Prime Numbers.



EA Games bought by Saudi Investment Group.....it'll be fine


Electronic Arts make some of the most popular video games, what are some of the expected new features now Mohammed bin Salman is definitely not involved.

  • The Sims – You can now dismember your Sims with a bonesaw!

  • Battlefield – Chose the new Saudi Special Forces character – Special weapon, yep, a bonesaw!

  • Star Wars Battlefront – You can now play as a hero Sith character with a unique Light-bonesaw weapon – just imagine that glowing red serrated edge dismembering rebel journalist scum!

  • Dead Space – This is now a simulated room in the Saudi consulate in Istanbul, no reason.

  • FIFA – You now get to dismember the losing team with a bonesaw! Don’t ask why, you know what happens if you questions…



Pinching and punching show healthy growth, no returns largely ignored


As the first day of the month hits the UK, early reports show that the "pinch, punch, first day of the month" ritual has seen a steady rise on last year. Playful pinches and punches still make up 86% of all interactions, which is flat versus 2024. The "slightly too hard, maybe there was something behind that" strikes have seen a slight decline. Proper punches and pinches that show intention to bruise or cause dead arms have doubled to 4% on 2024 showing an alarming rise in the malevolent intentions versus the tradition's innocent origins. The rise is, of course, coming from the secondary schoolboy demographic whose violent interactions have added a new dimension to the somewhat playful intent.


What has alarmed government observers is the erosion of the "no returns" rule which is seeing flouting on over 90% of interactions. Some ignoring of "no returns" rules sometime turn into year long feuds and running battles. Nigel Farage has put this erosion of tradition values down to immigrants and those that do not uphold the British way of life and has petitioned the Government to scrap adherence to the European Convention of Human Rights where "pinch punch" rules are enshrined but not enforced.



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