People should plan for potential cyber-attacks by going back to pen and paper, according to the latest advice.
The government has written to chief executives across the country strongly recommending that they should have physical copies of their plans at the ready as a precaution.
In associated developments the government has reached out to the ursine community pointing out that visitors to the woods should ensure they take sufficient toilet paper to address the likely outputs / outcomes.
There have been cries of "get away?", "Goodness me, that's a surprise" and "well I never." from commentators up and down the nation after Rachel Reeves has said that Brexit has harmed the economy.
One economist tried to explain. "It turns out there's a link between losing £500M a week and the economy going down the crapper. Who'd have thought it?"
In unrelated news, it has been announced that the British people are the most sarcastic in Europe.
Nigel Farage today called for the banning of all vampire and Dracula based imagery and costumes due to the characters Romanian roots.
'We have perfectly fine Great British ghosts, ghouls and witches,' he told journalists, 'why should we be celebrating a foreign character with a history of easily evading customs as a bat as well as creating significant numbers of further vampires demanding British blood.'
Mr Farage also went on to forge links with the Romanian Traveler community and vampiric tradition stating that there may even be encampments of vampires on "our beautiful British village greens" by November 1st.
'There's nothing wrong with a white sheet with eye holes, and I say white without fear of reprimand,' he went on, 'or a good old fashion witch primed and ready for dunking in a local river. Great days.'
We have approached Reform's Head Office for guidance on Zombies, Demons, Mummies and Axe Murderers. Guidance was issued that 'sexy' costumes would remain under close scrutiny.
Photo by Loren Cutler on Unsplash
