Budget changes are disastrous / brilliant

A special interest group has called tax and benefit changes in the budget disastrous / brilliant.

A spokesman said, 'These changes will condemn / rescue a generation to / from poverty. They will be remembered as the high / low point of this Labour government.'

Although the changes are complicated, the majority of people in the special interest group will be worse / better off.

Political commentators believe that the changes will torpedo / turbocharge Labour's chances of winning a second term.

The opposition say that the changes are brilliant / disastrous and long overdue / embarrassing and pitiful. They say that they are unlikely to extend / reverse them when they return to power.

Journalists are rushing to find pathetic and sad / photogenic and happy victims / beneficiaries of the changes.

Balmoral estate not planning to use planning permissions to plan weddings

The King's Balmoral estate has said it has no plans to allow wedding planners to plan weddings despite submitting plans to expand events in one of its buildings.

An application has been lodged to revamp the planetarium - in plain sight of the main Royal castle - to allow it to host up to 277 guests, plan live performances and music and serve alcohol up to 00:30.

Balmoral has been the Royal Family's Scottish holiday home since the 19th Century, and was where the late Queen Elizabeth spent her final days.

Various outlets, including BBC News, had suggested it could lead to plans for couples to plan to get married on the site. But the Royal estate confirmed later that despite the plan to get planning, there is no plan to plan weddings.

Photo by martin bennie on Unsplash

Prisoners’ families say their rights are being ignored in premature prison clear out of scroats

The government has been accused of lacking compassion after thousands of scroats have unexpectedly been released early from prison to make way for Nigel Farage and Tommy Robinson’s rioting mates.

'We thought we'd seen the back of him for long enough to turn our lives around" a Mrs Grout told Newsbiscuit "But the kids have only just got used to their latest dad; and he'll get told to sling his hook sharpish, when the original one comes home.'

More prisoners are expected to be released when the Post Office and Covid Inquiry reports are published to find room for the Tory Party and its corrupt mates.

Social workers however, are warning of potential problems prison workers' families may face after wardens have to spend their days in the company of these dregs of humanity, with no way to vent their anger before they return home.

A suggestion that wardens’ families could be provided with a cat for wardens to kick has been met with outrage by felinists.