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Ministers hoping for more snow, investigation concludes


the Metropolitan Police investigates the extent of drug abuse in the House of Commons, the government has responded by asking Michael Gove if he could be the one of the faces of its new anti-drug programme, preferably both.


'Michael will level up the country and ensure that everyone has the same access to the class A drug,' said a government spokesman. Some politicians suggest that drug use is possibly the only explanation for the way the country is being run. 'It couldn't make it worse,' said one politician today.




First published 6 Dec 2021


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Five lines on the rail strikes



The union leader Mick Lynch

He won't be giving an inch

The Tories made this mess

He'll strike until Christmas

So, getting a rise is a cinch


The unions plan Christmas strikes,

Told the bosses to get on their bikes.

Their pay isn’t funny,

They need some more money,

To cope with the inflation hikes.


The picket line lads were unshaven

They need a pay rise for inflation

But Tories say no

And pray for some snow

While dreaming about their tax haven


H/T Ragmans Trumpet





First published 5 Dec 2022


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Parents steeling themselves for school Christmas plays




Dazzlingly awful children's Christmas plays are being rehearsed just as parents rehearse their lies about how good the play was and how good their child was in it.


Teacher Jodie Johnstone said 'This year our theme is suffering. Specifically making parents aware of just how insufferable their little "angels" are.'


Parent Shelley Stevenson whispered conspiratorially 'God bless Bluetooth headphones, I'll be listening to a podcast whilst they shriek "Little Donkey" in 3 or 4 different keys. I'm also smuggling in booze. Did you think it was coffee in this travel mug?'


Stevenson violently nudged her snoring partner awake before adding 'This is the first time for years that we've had to sit through this drivel - bring back Covid, I say.'




First published 4 Dec 2022


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