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One of the worst-kept entertainment secrets has now been revealed. Netflix have commissioned a brand new series of the legendary 1970s sitcom. It is also confirmed that Emma Thompson has been appointed as Executive Director / Producer. At a media briefing she gushed:-



“On The Buses, (or OTB as us thesps call it!) was the drama series that inspired me to become an actress, and has formed the backdrop to my life, relationships and work ever since.



I have already approached my dear friend Salmy – Salman Rushdie of course – to write the scripts. He was a bit concerned that he has not written comic material before but I assured him that that never bothered the original writers.



My dear dear friend Stephen Fry has absolutely insisted that he has the part of the driver Stan Butler. He will of course bring the acumen and gravitas to the role that Reg Varney sometimes struggled to deliver. And as soon as the rumours circulated that this classic was in the pipeline, my phone didn’t stop ringing! I answered an early call and a voice screamed down the phone ‘I hate you Butler!’ I recognised it immediately - it was of course my dear dear dear friend Hugh Grant!! He was born to play the part of Blakey!!!”



Miss Thompson continued “we will of course ensure that the plots are brought bang up to date and reflect the 21st century. We now see Olive as a sexy, attractive, politically-savvy, intelligent, independent, compassionate and caring character. We haven’t cast the role yet but watch this space!” At this point reporters noted Miss Thompson simpering coyly.



Miss Thompson concluded “Netflix are already aware that cinema spin-offs of the series were amongst the top-grossing films of the 1970s. They have asked me to sketch out a full-length feature – working title ‘Transgender Strategies and Seating Arrangements On The Buses’”.



First published 19 Feb 2023


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The long awaited Grand Jury investigation into former president Donald Trump's meddling into the result of the Georgia election has revealed a sensational report that Mr Trump may have, inadvertently, said some honest.


The key extract comes just before Trump's infamous telephone call to the Georgia governor, "We believe that Mr Trump turned to one of his aides and said, 'Nice day for me to organise some electoral fraud'. Careful examination of the weather reports for Washington show that it was actually quite a nice day."


One commentator explained the significance; "In these days of uncertainty, it's good to have something to rely on and Donald Trump lying has been one of those things. To have him say something that actually turned out to be true is a game changer."


In breaking news, the weather report turned out to be for Washington State, not for Washington DC where it was lashing down all day.


"Thank god for that. We're back to normal.", said the spokesman.




First published 18 Feb 2023


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The pop wars are hotting up again! But move over colas, there’s a tropical fruity battle happening on supermarket shelves.


With Lilt officially changing its name to Fanta pineapple & grapefruit on the stroke of midnight on the fifteenth of February, like a bottled Cinderella with bubbles, shoppers have now noticed it contains grapefruit and some have said “urrgh!”.


Grapefruit can be reminiscent of fad diets, being squirted in the eye, nibbling half a cherry which looks a bit like a nipple due to the central placement on top of half a grapefruit and being hungry after breakfast.


Enter the Pineappleade! It’s the new popular kid on the block of pop. Big in Northern Ireland where Maine Soft Drinks have been delighting residents and tourists alike with it for decades, and also available in cans from Barr,


Pineappleade is smug because it knows it tastes lovely and now is its time to shine since shoppers have been alerted to the presence of fizzy grapefruit. A two-litre bottle of Pineappleade in a newsagents has been overheard saying “A Lilt by any other name wouldn’t taste as sweet” and inviting shoppers to take part in a thought experiment in which they imagine a pizza topped with ham, pineapple and grapefruit.


The Lilt faithful are unmoved and say that pineappleade is a less sophisticated beverage, without the maturity that grapefruit adds.




First published 17 Feb 2023


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