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Grand Jury report suggests Trump may have said something truthful




The long awaited Grand Jury investigation into former president Donald Trump's meddling into the result of the Georgia election has revealed a sensational report that Mr Trump may have, inadvertently, said some honest.


The key extract comes just before Trump's infamous telephone call to the Georgia governor, "We believe that Mr Trump turned to one of his aides and said, 'Nice day for me to organise some electoral fraud'. Careful examination of the weather reports for Washington show that it was actually quite a nice day."


One commentator explained the significance; "In these days of uncertainty, it's good to have something to rely on and Donald Trump lying has been one of those things. To have him say something that actually turned out to be true is a game changer."


In breaking news, the weather report turned out to be for Washington State, not for Washington DC where it was lashing down all day.


"Thank god for that. We're back to normal.", said the spokesman.




First published 18 Feb 2023


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Shoppers questioning if fizzy grapefruit is nice or not?




The pop wars are hotting up again! But move over colas, there’s a tropical fruity battle happening on supermarket shelves.


With Lilt officially changing its name to Fanta pineapple & grapefruit on the stroke of midnight on the fifteenth of February, like a bottled Cinderella with bubbles, shoppers have now noticed it contains grapefruit and some have said “urrgh!”.


Grapefruit can be reminiscent of fad diets, being squirted in the eye, nibbling half a cherry which looks a bit like a nipple due to the central placement on top of half a grapefruit and being hungry after breakfast.


Enter the Pineappleade! It’s the new popular kid on the block of pop. Big in Northern Ireland where Maine Soft Drinks have been delighting residents and tourists alike with it for decades, and also available in cans from Barr,


Pineappleade is smug because it knows it tastes lovely and now is its time to shine since shoppers have been alerted to the presence of fizzy grapefruit. A two-litre bottle of Pineappleade in a newsagents has been overheard saying “A Lilt by any other name wouldn’t taste as sweet” and inviting shoppers to take part in a thought experiment in which they imagine a pizza topped with ham, pineapple and grapefruit.


The Lilt faithful are unmoved and say that pineappleade is a less sophisticated beverage, without the maturity that grapefruit adds.




First published 17 Feb 2023


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