Another great month for Deskpilot again and, unfortunately, another reason to invoke the Wren rule - an author cannot win two consecutive months. However, the Wren rule doesn't seem so harsh this month as eppursimuove has scored equal to Deskpilot, so is crowned as this month's winner. Well done both of you, some cracking subs between you. SteveB has run a great campaign this month too, coming a close second, followed by the mighty Wren himself.
As usual congrats to everyone who got published this month and commiserations to anyone who pitched but didn't make the cut. To find out the cartoon of the month and to read all the published headlines scroll down below the leader board and the full list of subs with hyperlinks.
For non-writers working through this page, this is not only a one-stop review of the Newsbiscuit month but a shining example of what we do. If any of you think you could do as well or better, click the Writers' Room link at the top of the page, sign up and have a go!
Front Page, News in Brief and Features
apepper
Benvoleo
Chipchase
Chrisf
Deskpilot
eppursimuove
FlashArry
harrypalmer
Ian Searle
jbpage
jeremynh
Lockjaw
McDabble
Midfield Diamond
Modelmaker
sockpuppet
SteveB
Stewartbarclay
Sully
Throngsman
Wrenfoe
Cartoon of the month goes to Lockjaw with his Taking up the slack from the NHS
Headlines
apepper
Public intrigued to discover this week's Tory scandal will be
Sunak's master plan to win election is to defect to Labour
Suspended MPs become main opposition party
bigbadbob
Card arriving after 27 years meets Post Office targets
Injured runaway horse is in a stable condition
Paris to be first Olympics to hold a duathlon
Rwanda agrees to accept 10,000 asylum seeking elephants
Struggling Acetone manufacturer insolvent
Chipchase
Ofsted's unwillingness to end one word assessments judged - Appalling
Deskpilot
£50 charge to see solar eclipse is 'daylight robbery'
All Scottish police officers now working on hate crime
Cameron certain that more missiles and bombs will de-escalate the Middle East
Cheerful lumberjack feels chipper
Civil servants picket their own gardens in working from home dispute
Dog with two tails not as pleased as expected
Eccentric Roman archaeologist is a hypocaust denier
Harry and Meghan to star in HRH SOS
Heston can't get his badger jelly to set
Household Cavalry advised to hold its horses
Humza Yousaf leaves his greens
Marathon runner in Boris Johnson costume beaten to death
New Scottish climate policy: move to higher ground
Post Office accidentally prosecutes itself
Rishi warned that 100 more Tory MPs may be defective
Stiff reprimand for dodgy Botox doctor
Vote shows 160 Tory MPs get money from Big Tobacco
dominic_mcg
All Scottish Conservatives arrested under new Hate Crime Law
Angela Rayner may have been Jack the Ripper, claims Daily Mail
Boris Johnson denies being among Mark Menzies' Bad Guys
Ketamine addict just horsing around
OJ runs out of juice
eppursimuove
New Scottish song - “10 Green MSPs sitting on the fence”
ian searle
Grimsby becomes the first city to pay tourists £5 a day to visit
Minister invited to join a Conga questions if is the same dance as the Rumba
Jack the Quipper
First arrests made under new Scottish posh twat on horseback law
Gaelic Scrabble World Championship runs out of vowels in first round
New York court seeks jurors who live under a rock
Peter Kay announces new 'My Show Needs A New Arena' tour
jbpage
‘Lefty’ UFOs, ghosts and poltergeists wrecked British economy, claims Truss
Billionaire Rishi spends 2 million of someone else's money to be told how shit he is
Government planning to outlaw 'bad people'
Liz Truss launches new sideline in self-awareness training
jim Skinz
Australian MP caught up in dunnytrap scandal
Carpenter to receive bevelling up funds.
Man who botched making a cup of tea gets a re-straining order
Mark Menzies: "Well, we haven't had a Tory scandal for almost a week, so..."
OJ biopic to be called Glove Actually
Police apologise for calling Smurf "openly blueish"
Producers of King Arthur epic say it's not set in stone
Lockjaw
Lyme Disease specialist uses tick list
Willy Wragg is a euphemism for crusty sock
mcdabble
Angela Rayner 'Not middle class enough' to get away with tax avoidance, say experts
BBC announces new series: Great British Railway Cancellations
Everyone believes that footballer became addicted to cocaine after career ended
Humza, You's Off
J K Trolling
Liz Truss insists her book is a success despite poor sales
Police apologise for calling Home Secretary 'Openly Clueless'
Police officer accused of being 'Openly White'
Post Office to relocate Head Office to Belmarsh
Sick notes only to be given out by coroners, says Sunak
South of England Outrage At Being Subjected to Northern Weather
Thames to be renamed "Sh!t Creek"
Ukraine offers to attack Gaza if US will give them weapons like those they give Israel
micca
Rishi Soon-out
Modelmaker
American intelligence warns that Iran could start WW3 within 45 minutes
Doctor MP refuses to support end of life care for Tory Party
Former Post Office boss not even competent enough to run the Tory Party
Mechanic struggles to explain "offside" to footballer
Met Police say London Marathon has helped them find out who runs the streets
So far, 34 out of 300 million Yanks can be unbiased about Trump
Thames Water accuse Boat Race teams of sh!t stirring
Welsh government to now insist cars are driven in reverse at 20mph
Paul L
Man who 'lit up every room' buried with his favourite torch
ron cawleyoni
Chaos after Grand National as all horses declare I'm A Maximus, I'm A Maximus.
Sir Lupus
Chaos in central London: horses caught but govt still running amok
sockpuppet
Unseated rider explains: 'It was my first rodeo'
SteveB
Dick pic distances itself from member
Nudist holiday camp has peek season
Only economic understanding Rishi Sunak has is with the truth
Rishi Sunak's parents still buy him trousers 'he'll shrink into'
stewartbarclay
April Fools joke both funny and well executed
Social mobility 'not for the likes of you'
You know what this situation needs? More Liz Truss!
Titus
Glasgow offers to host games, provided drug testing is abandoned
will
Starmer "Complety committed" to Nuclear Armaggedon
image: StockSnap - Pixabay
