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Olympics get sent to Coventry



The International Olympic Committee has sent the 2036 Olympics to Coventry.


'No, not the silent treatment' said an IOC delegate, from behind a pile of brown envelopes. 'Our new President's surname is Coventry, so I just thought we should just go with it. Olympic Games host cities are Tier 1 world cities, although it does sound like the Reliant Robin in Only Fools and Horses - Paris, Los Angeles... Coventry.'


'Coventry has a ring road and the Olympics have rings. Coventry is famous for that naked lady on a horse and in the Ancient Olympics many competitors were naked, so it all checks out. Nudity will certainly add a frisson to the show jumping for sure. Un-dressage!'




English FA accuse FIFA of anti-English bias

Updated: Mar 25



There were some very upsetting scenes tonight before England kicked off in a vital World Cup qualifying game against Albania at Wembley Stadium. Punches were thrown and insults exchanged as officials from the English FA clashed with representatives from football’s world governing body FIFA.


A row has been simmering since the World Cup qualifying draw put England in the same group as Andorra, Latvia and Albania. According to the FA, this clearly showed an anti English bias and accused FIFA of fiddling the draw by matching England against some of the giants of world football. Speaking after the trouble had quietened down, Harry Ramsden explained the English position.


According to Harry, FIFA have tried to downplay the strengths of Andorra, Latvia and Albania, suggesting that many of their players are only part time but what they slyly have omitted to say is that two of the Andorran team are postmen and 5 of the Albanian team are goat herders. As Harry said, how fit are those lads going to be, carrying mail bags every day, chasing Goats all over the hillsides, they will be fit as butchers dogs, it’s hardly a level playing field against our lads who can only spend every day in light training.


FIFA insist that it has done all it can to ensure England’s participation at the finals. Andorra with a population roughly the same as Cambridge and Latvia, known more for its Potato cakes and meatballs then football ,should encourage the English team to raise its game and fill Wembley stadium again. Everyone in world football enjoys hearing English fans singing their hearts out, Its coming home, its coming home, cheers and tears, we all love English football.


It’s the Eurovision Song contest all over again said another still angry FA Official, they just don’t like to see us win, these foreigners gang up on us. Don’t try and tell me that our Cliff shouldn’t have won Eurovision, it were a fix . Congratulations, one of the greatest songs ever written, beaten by some Spanish bint, do me a favour.




Podcaster works from his bathroom



A popular podcaster, who set up a studio in his bathroom, was apparently unaware his popularity may be down to the fact his partner is often showering behind him.


Newsbiscuit contacted the man, who asked us not to mention his name for tax purposes, if he was aware his audience were more interested in his partner’s naked body than his right-wing rants and swastika patterned shower curtain; and in any event it was difficult to hear what he had to say with the noise the shower makes, along with the occasional flushing of the lavatory, but he pointed out it was the only place in his flat he had sufficient space for a studio.


He did, however, thank us for our interest in Reform UK and hopes our article will encourage more people to vote for his party.


Photo by Jukka Aalho on Unsplash

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