UN Warns of 'Dangerous Decline' in Quality of Entourages.

Winner: SteveB

Runners-Up:

"No one messed with the notorious Mrs Piss Bag and her crew." (MrQ)

"Lottery winner discovers she's got a lot of relatives." (APepper)

Woman Attempts to Catch a Grape in her Mouth from a Record-Breaking 9,000 Feet.

Winner: MrQ

Runners-Up:

"Martha hated using the Turkish toilets at the Royal Opera House." (Lockjaw);

"20 seconds later, a faulty trap spring catapulted her into the upper circle." (Flash Arry)

Members of British Literalist Society Cross the Road.

Winner: APepper

Runners-Up:

"Jane did her best to hide the body." (Sinnick)

"Parisians demand to know when the broken Olympics break-dancers will be removed from the streets." (Modelmaker)