Putin's Failing Generals Face Deadly Sing Off.

Winner: Bilkshake

Runners-Up:

"Group prostate exams to save the NHS millions." (Dick Everyman);

"Plans to re-open Michael Jackson's Neverland theme park are well underway." (Sketchly)

UN Warns of 'Dangerous Decline' in Quality of Entourages.

Winner: SteveB

Runners-Up:

"No one messed with the notorious Mrs Piss Bag and her crew." (MrQ)

"Lottery winner discovers she's got a lot of relatives." (APepper)

Woman Attempts to Catch a Grape in her Mouth from a Record-Breaking 9,000 Feet.

Winner: MrQ

Runners-Up:

"Martha hated using the Turkish toilets at the Royal Opera House." (Lockjaw);

"20 seconds later, a faulty trap spring catapulted her into the upper circle." (Flash Arry)