It is being called the battle of the Charlies. The royal household has invited Charles Earl Spencer to meet King Charles “man to man” in a boxing ring in front of Buckingham Palace – or should that be ‘Boxingham’ Palace – “to thrash this thing out once and for all”.
The highly unusual announcement by the Palace, and the language used, shows the strength of feeling there is on both sides. It comes as the royal family braces itself for more revelations in Earl Spencer’s book about his sister Diana, Princess of Wales. The book, Swan Song My Sister Diana, is published on Tuesday, though photocopies are widely available from Windsor services on the M4, or wherever you find your pirated material.
When the King’s equerries suggested the bout the King’s face apparently lit up “like he’d won the lottery”. He reportedly said: “Boxing? What, you mean like Rocky? Good oh! Can we get some steps like in Philadelphia. I can do the speech.” And he raised he fists and began to channel Sylvester Stallone. “The world ain't all sunshine and rainbows. It will beat one to one’s’ knees and keep one there if one lets it. But it ain't about how hard one hits; it's about how hard one can get hit and keep moving forward. That's how winning is done!” His staff, mindful of a forthcoming pay review, applauded wildly.
New revelations in the book include Diana’s affair with Paul Weller, who wrote the song My English Rose for her and Diana auditioning to be a Bond girl. TV presenter Dermot O’Leary provided commentary at the secret weigh-in, believed to have taken place in the gardens at Highgrove, which some felt gave the King an advantage.
The presenter said: “Ladies and gentlemen, in the left hand corner, all the way from Althorp, Northamptonshire, please welcome Charlie ‘Big Boy’ Windsor! And in the right hand corner, you know the face, give me an H, give me an R, give me an H again, yes and pass the Duchy on the left hand side, please welcome Charlie HRH aka the King!”
Tickets to the bout – date to be confirmed – begin at £5000 and are available from Pall Mall Productions, a Camilla Parker Bowles company.
One piece of good news between the warring factions: they have agreed to split the proceeds of the match down the middle, though the King is already muttering about the gutters needing doing and “maybe 70-30 would be a fairer split. And besides, this Spencer chap is soon to be forgotten, like his sister”.
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