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Lucy, 23, has suffered structural damage due to her pipes freezing, then bursting in the thaw.  Her third party, fire and theft insurance doesn't cover the damage so she has started a crowdfunding page.  At the time of writing her repairs are complete and she is on a short break in Mallorca with her bestie on the surplus.


Billy had his 2014 Kia Sorento back-ended by a hit and run.  The insurance company wanted to write it off and offered £250 scrap value.  His crowd funder is still running, but only because Ferrari just put their prices up.  Until then, it's the bus for Billy.


Insurance companies are feeling the pinch with the success of crowdfunding sites.  Why insure when you can crowdfund? That exorbitant insurance premium for the once in a ten year claim can be used to pay rent, mortgage or energy bills.  Nearly, at least.


'We're losing insurers left, right and centre,' said a Lloyds underwriter.  'A major petrochemical company hit by Ukrainian drones has set up a crowdfunding page, luckily nobody can understand Cyrillic script in London,' he said, before being corrected.  'Outside of London, then.


'So we're setting up a crowdfunding page.  Contribute to our page annually or, if you want to set up a direct debit, monthly, and we'll respond to your crowdfunding page, if and when you need us,' he said.  He stressed this wasn't through one of the established crowdfunding pages which take ten percent of your donation before paying the intended recipient.  'We will need to retain an admin fee,' he added.



The Football Association has taken the FA Cup back from previous holders Crystal Palace after what is being called ‘an embarrassment to the brand’. The FA have taken this unprecedented step due to the biggest FA Cup shock ever in the history of the oldest and most prestigious football cup competition in the world.


Macclesfield FC of the National League North are 117 places below Crystal Palace but soundly and deservedly beat them 2-1. Although many football fans found this very, very funny, the FA were not amused.


A spokesblazer explained, ‘We expect the FA Cup holders to be ambassadors for the competition, maintaining the highest standards of football artistry and entertainment, while heartlessly despatching lower league opponents so the prize money stays with the top teams. Crystal Palace dragging Macclesfield down to their level and then losing to them has caused irreparable damage and embarrassment to the association, so we had to act.’


It is understood that the FA Cup has been awarded to Manchester City instead. Not only were they the defeated finalists due to refereeing incompetence, but they demonstrated how FA Cup holders are expected to thrash smaller clubs, defeating Exeter City 10-1.


The spokesblazer added, ‘Awarding the FA Cup to Manchester City now will probably save a bit of admin in May too.’


'After capturing Venezuela's chief narco-terrierist and indicting him in the States,' said an increasingly deranged Donald Trump, stroking a Russian Putin cat at his desk in the Oval Office, 'I'm serving notice on the rest of the world's terrier groups that I'll be coming after them, as well.


'They tell me there are a bunch of terreierists over there in Britain, in Yorkshire and Staffordshire and Airedale, so we'll be sending in Delta Force to take over those places.


'And I'm hearing all the time now about Maltese terrierists, so we better do a regime change in Maltesa - as soon as my generals can find that on a map.


'And the CIA is still looking for a place called Pitbull. It sounds familiar.


'What I really want is for there to some terrier groups in Greenland, because I'd sure like an excuse to invade that place.


'That's why I'm ordering the American Kennel Club to breed up some genuine Greeland terrierists immediately.


'Sleepy Joe knew all about these foreign terrier groups, but he never went after them,' the president continued to rant.


'But that's because he wasn't barking.'


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