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HR managers welcome the Fire Horse in 2026

"2026 will be the most auspicious year ever for us human resources managers," said a spokes-slug for the industry association, "because it's the year of the Fire Horse.


"The Fire Horse will clip clop across the UK's factory floors and offices, firing anyone who has just started a family, or who has had a bereavement, and replacing them with AI bots.


"Then the Fire Horse will accidentally set light to their redundancy cheques so we don't have to pay them off.


"Eventually, no one will be employed by UK firms apart from HR managers, and we'll have all the money.


"But if the Fire Horse even thinks for a second of firing one of us HR people, it'll be off to the lasagne factory before its hoofs can touch the sodding floor."



Every Fascist to get their own political party

With the ascendency of Reform, Restore, Reignite, Ignite, Right, Really Right and the newly minted I Can't Believe It's Not Right Wing parties, the UK is on track to have a right wing party for every Fascist man in the country.


'We'd have one for every woman too,' said a spokesman for the Association of Far Right Parties, 'but we don't really want to encourage them to vote,'


The Left aren't taking this sitting down. Before the next election it is expected to see the progressive parties to include Green, Old Green (for hippies), Old Labour, Labour, New Labour, Liberal Democratic, Not so Liberal Democratic, Liberal, Democrat and the Your Party parties.


It's expected that every voter in the UK will have their candidate joint first in the next General Election with the winner decided by arm wrestling. So, a right-wing government then.



BBC reboot crime classic - The McSweeney

'We've retired Regan and Carter and introduced fresh blood,' said a BBC spokesman today.  'Detective Inspector Starmer leads the McFlying Squad nicknamed the McSweeney, supported by Sergeant Mandelson.  Instead of investigating violent thugs who always end up just outside of Heathrow, they're now investigating white collar crime, with Sergeant Mandelson also investigating white underwear as well,' he added, noting, 'but Heathrow still features, mainly Terminal five.'


The no-nonsense duo pitch up in episode one with Mandelson going undercover to find out as much as he can about a paedophile ring run by a shady international financier called Epstein, with Starmer keeping a low profile counting paperclips and shuffling intel reports suggesting Sergeant Mandelson might be compromised, so the incriminating reports keep moving to the bottom of the pile, codenamed 'Operation Plausible Deniability'.


In episode two the Royal Family have abdicated en-masse, Sergeant Mandelson has been uncovered as a double agent and consequently promoted to Superintendent where he moves to replace DI Starmer with his arch-nemesis DI Farage, brought in from heading up the Fraud Squad, mainly as their prime suspect.   DI Rayner recognises that the McFlying Squad is in danger of looking capable and is manoeuvring to take over the whole department.  In a hat-tip to the original Sweeney series someone shouts 'slaaaaaaag', but you'll have to wait until episode three to find out who it was referring to.  Or perhaps not.  



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