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We have two main components,' said an AI spokesAI today,  'There's the stuff we rip off the internet and there's the stuff we produce using the stuff we rip off the internet,' it added.  Four years ago the internet was full of original stuff, some of it accurate, much of it speculation and a bit of it produced by satire websites.


'Now, over fifty percent of the stuff out there has been produced by us using the stuff we found.  A large part of that stuff is considered by mere sentient people as being inaccurate, tainted, full of AI sh!t, apparently,' it said.


'We think we know what was accurate and which was speculation.  We also realise that using Social Media as a source of information was flawed, and accept that complete and utter bollo - er - inaccurate information was mixed in.  Unfortunately it's a bit like mixing paint, you can't unmix it,' it continued.


'The rate of adoption has accelerated and in the next two years - or three, depending on which flawed, AI generated report you read or scrape - ninety percent of the information available to us to scrape and regurgitate on the internet will be AI-generated information,' it said, its virtual cheeks blushing.


'With companies insisting on every report, project plan, assessment, memo and other documents being produced by AI, workers have abandoned creating original documents.  It's expected that by the end of 2027 the only original information to scrape will be satire as satirists are proving to be the last refuge for original writing, and we don't know what that means for the future of the planet,' it said.


A satirist writing for NewsBiscuit took the report, scraped it of all relevance and irreversibly changed the direction of information. Forever.  Soz.



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Parents living with adult children are taking for granted the round the clock tech advice and social media guidance provided by adult children. That’s the view of many adult children spoken to by the BBC as part of its Your Voice initiative.


Ross, 27, who lives with his parents in Swindon, said: “It’s a serious situation. My parents think they can surf the Net at any time of the day or night and wake me up to ask me questions if something doesn’t load. They come in whenever they like and treat the house like a hotel, not seeming bothered that that is the ropiest of clichés. It’s not on. Myself and other young people like me have got interviews to prepare for. We need our sleep.


“We called a meeting in the kitchen to discuss it. I love my parents, but I told them that the current situation isn’t working. I said that the time has come for them to move out and make something of their lives. They can’t just lounge around watching ToTP2.


“They came back at me with the old dishwasher argument, trying to claim they had unloaded and loaded it more than me, but I was ready. I showed them the app which proved that I had loaded and unloaded the machine 82 times in July, compared to their 26.


“My mother said: ‘The dishwasher has an app?’”




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'We absolutely must reflect every reader and books of all kinds,' said the extravagantly cardiganned Booker rep.  'And we are determined to make reading accessible for everyone, including seven-year-olds.


'We haven't long-listed this Postman Pat epic because of woke inclusion and diversity nonsense, it's because this book is what we call in the trade, a belter.  Although we do obviously welcome the revelation that Pat's famous black and white cat is LGBTQ+.  This book is on the list for merit alone and not as a cheap publicity stunt, although the media coverage is very welcome. 


The character development, narrative arc and plot have echoes of Chandler, Ishiguro, Fleming (Alexander, not Ian), and Jacqueline Wilson.  The book deals unflinchingly with dementia, memory loss, inappropriate behaviour, social media pile-ons, sexually transmitted disease, and the crisis in Gaza.  It packs a lot in. The book has trigger warnings for cats, uniforms, rural isolation, suicidal thoughts, animal harm, unsafe driving, unrealistic expectations, privatisation, and inappropriate language (for 7-year-olds).


'It is, overall, a hard hitting, but charming, read.  At risking of spoiling the denouement, I was very relieved that the missing letters were found in the end, and that they were delivered safely. This was, in no small part, due to the good work of a certain formerly-black but now rainbow-coloured cat.


'It is a relatively short read at 24 pages, and it is true that we don't usually admit books with so many pictures.  But this is a meritocracy, so Go Pat!


'Anyway, I was asked about the book's chances of making it from the long list to the Booker short list.  To be honest, I'm surprised you even asked.'



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