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Buck House admits King uses same accountant as Derek Trotter


A representative of King Charles has admitted the monarch uses the same accountancy firm as Peckham entrepreneur Derek 'Del Boy' Trotter.


Accounts show the monarch paid £12.9m in taxes from income largely generated by strong sales of Trevor Francis track suits and discount carpet tiles.


King Charles is thought to be worth around £1.6bn, but annual royal reports reveal that deductions for overheads and expenses reduce his income tax bill to that of someone on income support.


A spokesperson told us that helicopter trips alone cost the Royal Family £733,063 in 2025, although that was offset against the king’s role as environmental ambassador for the UK


Buck House says supplies from a gentleman in Shepherd’s Bush have helped bolster sales across all Royal outlets with sales of David Bowie LPs proving a particular favourite among millennials and vinyl collectors looking for a bargain.


The king’s range of Hooky Street shops is thought to generate profits of £50m alone.


Royal Trustees say that the £11m tax-free gift earmarked to replace old boilers at Windsor Castle was a necessary expense, but assured royal watchers that this would not impact on Queen Camilla’s role as queen consort.



Image: ChatGPT

Thikipedia: Andy Burnham


Andrew Murray Burnham, aka Andy Murray or Andy Burnham, is a British Labour politician.


He was born in 1970 in Aintree, Lancashire, more famous for the Grand National.  Although already English, he studied English again at Fitzwilliam College, Cambridge, which makes him a proper toff.  He is marred to Mandy Burnham, who he met at uni.  They have three children, Candy, Sandy and Randy.


He has worked for many famous Labour failures including Tessa Jowell, Chris Smith, Tony Blair and Gordon Brown.  In his spare time he invented Murray Mints and made his first million by selling the brand to a multinational.


Burnham held several secretarial jobs, including at the Treasury, DCMS and Health. He is reputed to type at 45wpm and to make a good cup of northern tea.  He doesn’t hold with southern drinks like coffee, matcha or kefir.


He was always keen to focus on other people's mistakes, and campaigned for a second whitewash into the Hillsborough disaster.  He also proposed a free National Care Service, but plans were abandoned when it became clear that nobody cared about it.


Burnham has twice failed to get the Labour leadership, in 2010 and 2015, but hey – third time lucky!  He was forced to leave several shadow cabinet roles when it was noticed that he didn’t have a shadow.


Disillusioned, he left Parliament to become the first elected King of the North in 2017. He focused heavily on annoying the national government by actually doing stuff on homelessness, transport and the economy, His flagship achievement was making all the buses in Manchester yellow.


Andy Burnham becomes Prime Minister in 2026 (date tbc), after Keir Starmer admitted institutionalised anti-Semitism and anti-Northism in his cabinet. He was ousted in early 2027 after a dramatic coup led by Wesley (‘Wes’) Streeting.


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Rachel Reeves transforms UK's gold reserves into lead



The Bank of England has released the shock news that chancellor of the exchequer Rachel Reeves accidentally turned all the 310 tons of gold in its vaults into lead, damp leaves and slime.


"We should never have let her near it," sobbed a spokes-cashier for the Bank. "She said she just wanted to pop her head round the door and see how much of Britain's wealth was left for the government to squander. I swear she was down there for less than two minutes.


"But when we went to lock up, we found that every one our 400,000 bars of gold had disappeared and been replaced with total dross."


"We knew all along that Rachel Reeves has got this weird reverse Midas touch," the spokes-cheque continued, kicking itself angrily in the shins. "After all, her two budgets had managed to freeze UK economic growth, collapse the value of government bonds and send youth unemployment soaring. We were just waiting for her next disaster to happen."


"I am confident that Rachel will recoup a great deal of the riches she unfortunately destroyed by selling off the lead for pencils and the leaves and slime for mulch," said Sir Keir Starmer, "and her job as chancellor is totally safe for as long as I'm Prime Minister.


"Oh, is that the removals van?"



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