Facebook posts reveal that air fryers gave some their best Christmas ever

Some Facebook posts today have been discussing how an investment in an air fryer to cook their Christmas dinner in, was the best thing they ever got from Asda.

In one post, an excited selfie-taker said “It was brilliant! My parents made excuses and left while I was serving up, even before they’d got round to starting the traditional Christmas Day arguments!”

Other posts described how, having purchased their turkey and realised it wouldn’t fit in the air fryer, they rushed out to buy another half dozen of them so they could cut the turkey into quarters and be able to roast spuds and parsnips to go with the meal.

Hospital A&E depts are reporting an increase in the number of patients with food poisoning; and the Samaritans needed to add a message to their phone lines, saying they are experiencing a higher than usual number of calls, and your call is important to them, but advise on how to deal with slit wrists can be found on their website.

Professor M.Oldermaker told Newsbiscuit, “Pensioners have been falsely advised that air fryers can cut their energy costs whilst they aren’t getting the winter fuel allowance, which may be true if they live on their own, but the cost of running half a dozen of them to cook a Christmas dinner in, far exceeds the cost of using a conventional oven.

Newsbiscuit examined a manual for a Korean air fryer which gave the helpful recipe advice of “Dog not just for Christmas. Follow recipe so dog last for Boxing Day as well."

Image: Kawê Rodrigues (@kawerodriguess) | Unsplash Photo Community

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King's Speech likely to be watched by up to four people

The BBC has announced that they fully expect up to four people will watch the King's Speech this year, two up on last Christmas.  'It's a fine use of taxpayers' money,' claimed a spokesperson.  The money spent on recording and broadcasting the speech is thought to be less than a sausage finger's worth of a Royal statue, the cost of which has increased dramatically in recent years.

'We will repeat it several times and will naturally fill the news bulletins with the highlights, for the sixty million or so people too disinterested or, frankly, pissed to watch' said the spokesman.

The King's Speech will be broadcast on BBC1, ITV and, for smug bastards with money to waste, on Sky at 3pm if anyone wants a reason to pop down the shed, open another bottle of brown ale or extricate themselves away from building a Millennium Falcon in Lego in front of the telly, especially when they realise seven critical pieces were lost to the Hoover at the ten am emergency vacuum of the living room.

For balance, the BBC has pointed out there is other shit on the other channels.  Or you could just resume the family argument.

Image: Pexels - Pixabay

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The Grauniad Christmas Appeal

This Christmas, we are appealing for money for a very important and most deserving cause.  It is a cause that we know is close to our readers hearts.

All around the world democracy is under threat from dictators, despots and desperadoes who spread their lies, half-lies and half-truths using dodgy social media sites, spam email and partisan, corrupt and biased media. There are broadcasters and newspapers controlled by shadowy conspiracy theorists, right wing think tanks, oligarchs, monopolists, fascists, misogynists, capitalists and nihilists.  But there is some good news.  This Christmas, YOU can help to stop the madness.

This Christmas, YOU can help to secure an impartial, independent and free press.  Please send your cheques, large or small, to The Guardian Christmas Appeal For The Guardian.

If you are considering leaving us a gift in your will, then please don't, unless you're already quite ill.  We can't wait for you to croak to get the money.

A gift of three pounds can buy a weekday copy of The Guardian to help wean someone off GB News.  Five pounds can pay to recycle a 'Save The Observer' placard.  Ten pounds can provide a journalist with software to check spellings.   Fifty pounds can subsidise a place at a Guardian lunch for a retired university vice chancellor.  And five million pounds could help to pay off the loans we took out for the printing press we bought to print The Guardian in that weird European Berliner size.

Your generosity can help teachers, civil servants, professors, local government workers, academics, social workers and lecturers everywhere, by providing a warm, fuzzy, left wing echo chamber for these marginalised groups.

Please help. A free press isn't free, so please give genetically. Thank you.

The Guardian

*The Guardian is registered as a charity and is regulated by the Charity Commission. The Guardian complies with the Fundraising Regulator’s code of practice on begging.

Image Pexels - Pixabay

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