New Space Invaders style game for Reform MPs, councillors and Sennedd leaders

Following on from the arcade-style game released earlier this week that let Fascists Reform members pretend they were in charge of the Royal Navy performing illegal manoeuvres at sea to sink migrant boats, a new game has emerged.

In the new game the player has to wield a gaming dart and throw it at the Reform leadership*.  Hit a councillor and he/she will resign/defect/become an independent.  Hit three councillors on the same council and you've just won a bonus seat at Durham and get to hand Crafty Darren a pack of Kleenex.

Throw a Welsh shaped dart and score points for getting Reform Sennedd representatives to bail, or better still, hit a bullseye and get the leader to stand down (apparently not as difficult as it sounds, but be prepared for some coercive behaviour from them.

If you're throwing for the bullseye you might get an MP to change party, stand down or just admit that taking a £36M bribe is downright dodgy - don't expect to achieve a bullseye on your first game, but don't give up. 

Your game only provides credits for throwing darts whenever Reform leaders are lying or just spreading BS.  Otherwise known as unlimited throws.

photo: Newsbiscuit Archive

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Burnham 'If charity could sort everything out, that would be grand'

Without a twinge of irony, the PM helped raise money for a cause he could solve in one day. Rather than end rough sleeping, Mr. Burnham thought the appropriate action was to get all sweaty for a charity that was doing his job for him. He was alleged to have mumbled in a northern dialect, ‘I could help but I'd rather jog off’.

With nipples chaffing, the Prime Minister celebrated his victory against homeliness by high-fiving a tramp. Asked why he doesn't volunteer at the shelter, Burnham explained that running past the shelter at speed creates a powerful crosswind of compassion. Every time somebody suggested tackling the root cause of the problem, an aide pointed at his medal and said, ‘Andy prefers to tackle the route cause.’

He also spent six months training for a sponsored 5K to combat world hunger, then celebrated crossing the finish line by eating seventeen pastries. He insisted that the true cure for homelessness was watching 4,000 office workers dressed as bananas jog through a city centre on a Sunday morning. Staff began referring to him as a ‘frontline responder’ because he overtook a man dressed as a giraffe.

Years later, the problem will still exist, but Burnham will have a drawer full of participation T-shirts as tangible proof that something very energetic was definitely done about it.

photo: Wikimedia Commons https://rb.gy/olqqwg

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UK train companies suspend all services after Russia's drone strike targeting Boris in Ukraine

'Russia's strike on a train which was reportedly meant to get Boris Johnson," said a spokes-Diesel Multiple Unit for the UK's rail companies, "has come as a wake up call to all us about the risks of carrying eminent former statesmen as passengers... and clowns like Boris.

'We are therefore suspending all passenger and freight services across the UK, with immediate effect, while we assess the possibility that Russia might be planning to strike trains carrying Sir Keir Starmer, Liz Truss, Theresa May or Harold MacMillan. Yep, the sleeper service carrying him from King's Cross to Inverness has still not arrived.

'Rail staff will be kept on full pay and high alert, playing cards in the canteen, until we have competed this exhaustive analysis and decided to get back to work again. There will be no refunds on tickets for cancelled services. 

'As you probably noticed, we don't actually like running trains and incidents this like give us a perfect pretext not to bother.' 

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