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'I know I should care, he's got the nuclear codes, he's a fruitcake, he's destroying world alliances and it's pretty obvious he's manipulating financial markets for himself and his family,' said the leader of a major European country, 'but honestly, I couldn't give a flying f@ck anymore,' he added.


World leaders have come to realise that kow-towing to the Trump administration doesn't insulate their countries from his erratic herky-jerky mood swings.  Bucking him does result in enormous sanctions on products US citizens want or need to buy, making it harder for them.  For the countries impacted as an exporter it is becoming increasingly obvious that there is a queue of relatively stable countries waiting to take the US share, more if you include the relatively unstable but financially flush countries.  'So, no great shakes there,' said another world leader.


Assassination attempts have been discounted as they would probably trip over fake assassination attempts and someone could get hurt. The wrong person, presumably.  Not the person with the nuclear codes.   


'We can't kill him, but we can ignore him,' said a World leader.  'But I suppose we could release these Epstein files that I found on my desk this morning,' he suggested.





King Charles has been given a Blue Peter badge for protecting nature and the environment. But Blue Peter viewers are not sure that the award is deserved, and are concerned about the BBC's motivation.


'We're not stupid,' said Noah, aged 7. ' We've all done Key Stage 1 Media Studies. We know that charter renewal is coming up. And we know that there is a tension between the palace and the Beeb. The BBC has covered Andrew's childish behaviour extensively, and they've also given airtime to the American outcasts, Harry and Meghan. And the King had done a Christmas message for ITV, purely to annoy the BBC. So is this just the BBC sucking up to the King?'


Kacey, aged 6, is also sceptical. 'Did the King earn the badge on his own? Or did other people do all the hard work, as usual? Blue Peter badges really means something, and the BBC shouldn't devalue them by throwing them around like FIFA peace prizes.'


Travis, aged 8, says that the King has his own system of prizes, and that he's awarded himself and his family plenty of titles and medals already. 'He shouldn't be stealing a Blue Peter badge from a deserving child. He can just give himself another Garter or something.'


A Palace spokesman declined to comment, but said that, based on his research, Blue Peter has no process for rescinding a badge, and this could only be done by Act of Parliament. The badge is currently on display in the Tower of London.


An FA disciplinary panel has said hair pulling, Chinese burns and Kiss Chase should not be tolerated and will be considered a bookable offence during the 2026-27 season


The panel stopped short of banning other childish games and pastimes but warned playground pursuits such as British Bulldogs and Hop Scotch could eventually be included to the list if they started creeping into the game..


A spokesman for the FA said that the pulling of hair was an ‘infringement’ and players needed to get a grip and show bit more style.


‘It is curtains for hair pulling’ said Jason Beesley ‘we can’t just comb over the incident like some pageboy pompadour. Players need to shape up before they blow out….hair pulling used to be on the fringes but this season there seems to have been an extension.


We dread locks of hair being pulled out and ending up as highlights on Match of the Day.


Players need to mullet over before they are caught bangs to right….


Obviously there are exceptions….any player caught pulling Cole Palmers hair will automatically receive a free pudding of their choice.


If he finds that hairstyle acceptable then we at the FA think pulling it is acceptable.

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