I voted for this and I am happy with this, and I am not in a cult

Standing defiantly in their red, made in China hat, a MAGA political fanatic repeated some recently learned phrases about short/long term gainpain before rambling the following diatribe:

'I voted for new wars, higher prices, paying for tariffs and masked government officials shooting Americans. Trump said he was going to alienate us and undermine NATO, he said that, I voted for that, and now he is doing it. I really wanted a new war, really, really wanted billions of dollars spent on a new war and not spent on helping Americans. I really wanted that, I always said I did, Trump was always about new wars, Kar-marl-lah would have got us into World Peace Three by now. A new war in the Middle East is everything I wanted. I think he is always right all the time, and he can do nothing wrong, so how is that like a cult?

'No one said they’d lower prices, no one said that. That would be insane. Massive price increases on everything, then sometime in the future, he said he would lower prices. How can you not understand that? Are you stupid, piggy?

'I have always hated Canada so much that they need to be part of the USA. Trump campaigned on taking Greenland, I have said this for ages that we need Greenland, always a top priority. Even though Trump has stopped talking about that for a bit.

'Trump always said he was going to protect rich people from being investigated in the Epstein Files. He would not stop saying how much he was going to only release a few bits, and that we should be happy with that and move on. I wanted that and it has happened. Promises made and promise kept.

'Trump also said I that I don’t miss my family. He campaigned on that and I am happy with that. It's painful when your own family can't see the obvious truths. So, I've just been suffering the short term pain for ten years now….'

Image credit: perchance.org

More Epstein files released to distract from Iran

President Donald Trump is set to release a new tranche of documents from the Epstein files this week to distract the public from the war in Iran, which he initially started to distract the public from the Epstein files.

Despite their incriminating nature, including one image allegedly showing the President floating in Epstein's pool on an inflatable banana, it's hoped the latest release will bump the Middle Eastern blunders off the front pages, at least for a few days.

Speaking from Washington, Democratic senator Cory Booker was far from impressed: 'these looping distractions serve no purpose other than causing mass confusion amongst his loyal MAGA base, which is exactly what he wants.'

But not everyone on the right agrees, as local MAGA member Tyler Burke explained:

'It's the Democrats and the libtards who are confused, not us.

'I, for one, stand behind the bombing of the Epstein Islands to force the Islamic Republic of Venezuela to release the Iranian Files, or whatever it is that's happening.'

Image credit: Wix AI

New internet bank finds all the stupid names are taken

The newly launched app-based 'First UK Cyberbank' says that it could not find a sassy, wacky and cheeky name, because all the good ones had gone. And it isn't thrilled with its initials, either.

'People will still remember Goldfish, Egg and Smile,' said a spokes-suit. 'Online customers know about Starling and Atom and Zilch and Biscuit and Monzo and Revolut. We wanted a short, memorable and snappy name too, but it was not to be.

'Our preferred list of names included Zing, Bazooka, Blammo, Squirl, Spank, and Willy Wonga. Unbelievably, all these names had already been registered. So we moved down our list. Bread, Moolah, Do$h, Lolly, Wedge, Dough - all taken. Smackers, Ackers, Spondulicks, Shrapnel - all gone too. And it turns out that Snatch, Bajingo and Fandango are NSFW.

'So that's how we ended up as a bank with a really dull name. We're the Colin of banks.

'Incidentally, when we checked, we could have called ourselves Colin. But that was too wacky, even for us.

image credit: perchance.org