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Shadow Cabinet passes the 10,000 mark

In a break from tradition His Majesty’s loyal Opposition now has 3,210 Chancellors of the Exchequer, 2,348 Home Secretaries and more than 1,000 Education Ministers. The move comes after Reform, on 1.2% of MPs, decided to create their own Shadow Cabinet out of mechanically recovered meat products such as Robert Jenrick.


Stacey Williams is a hairdresser from Swindon, and also one of 934 Shadow Secretaries of State for Culture, Media and Sport. ‘It just seemed like a laugh. I know I’m not an MP, but neither is Zia Yusuf, so . . . . why not me?’


Ordinary people have become shadow ministers by, erm, well, just deciding, really. Rather like Reform. ‘If you wish for something, close your eyes and really, really, wish . . . . maybe that wish will come true’ said Stacey. ‘Just don’t wish for anything real, like money or a better job. Imaginary stuff like being the Shadow Minister for Whatever, that should be fine’.


Not everybody can be a shadow minister. There are some standards. Lee Anderson, once a senior figure in Reform, now has the job of taking everybody’s coffee and sandwich order. If he does well there’s talk of getting him a uniform, and maybe a bike with one of those insulated bags. If Reform manage to bag another hundred ex-Tories he might have to go back down’t’pit.


We can’t wait.




HR managers welcome the Fire Horse in 2026

"2026 will be the most auspicious year ever for us human resources managers," said a spokes-slug for the industry association, "because it's the year of the Fire Horse.


"The Fire Horse will clip clop across the UK's factory floors and offices, firing anyone who has just started a family, or who has had a bereavement, and replacing them with AI bots.


"Then the Fire Horse will accidentally set light to their redundancy cheques so we don't have to pay them off.


"Eventually, no one will be employed by UK firms apart from HR managers, and we'll have all the money.


"But if the Fire Horse even thinks for a second of firing one of us HR people, it'll be off to the lasagne factory before its hoofs can touch the sodding floor."



Every Fascist to get their own political party

With the ascendency of Reform, Restore, Reignite, Ignite, Right, Really Right and the newly minted I Can't Believe It's Not Right Wing parties, the UK is on track to have a right wing party for every Fascist man in the country.


'We'd have one for every woman too,' said a spokesman for the Association of Far Right Parties, 'but we don't really want to encourage them to vote,'


The Left aren't taking this sitting down. Before the next election it is expected to see the progressive parties to include Green, Old Green (for hippies), Old Labour, Labour, New Labour, Liberal Democratic, Not so Liberal Democratic, Liberal, Democrat and the Your Party parties.


It's expected that every voter in the UK will have their candidate joint first in the next General Election with the winner decided by arm wrestling. So, a right-wing government then.



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