Norfolk pub quiz team continues search for funny name

A local pub team from Norfolk are continuing their search for a funny team name, after months of an exasperating, fruitless weekly search.

The 4 earnest quizzers, led by their team captain, Eddie, 56, are mainstays at the Thursday quiz at the Prince Albert in King’s Lynn, and do well in the quiz but continue to be frustrated with their efforts to come up with a humorous or pithy name for their team.

‘Everyone knows the name of the team is just as important as your performance in the quiz’, said Eddie. ‘When Dave the quizmaster reads out your team name, it can make or break your week depending on whether you get a little cheer, a few laughs, or whether it’s just met with tumbleweed and total silence’.

‘Our problem seems to be we just go for quite factual names with no attempt at humour. Our team is all made up of wholesale fishmongers at King’s Lynn fish market, so we went with ‘Norfolk and Weigh’ - factually correct, I suppose , but no-one’s laughing at that are they?’.

‘The week after, we had a friend join us - Elizabeth Swallocks, we call her Betty’, continued Eddie. She juggles in her spare time, so we went with ‘Juggling with our Betty Swallocks’ that week. Again, it said who we were, but it’s not exactly funny is it.

‘A couple of weeks ago, another mate of mine joined the team - Peter York-Hunt, as he was down in King’s Lynn playing Aladdin in the annual panto. Our team name that week - suggested by Stan, was Aladdin York-Hunt. I told Stan we needed to try and find some humorous angle rather than just describe our guest team member, but there you go’.

‘This week I don’t know what we’re going to do for a name’, continued Eddie. ‘None of the regular team can make it this week, so I’ve asked my mate Mike Candells to step in. He’s bringing his 3 brothers with him too. They’re all fanatics of the Two Ronnies. All four of them. All four Candells, would you believe!’

‘I was thinking of some Two Ronnies related pun or gag - ‘The Worm that Turned’, or ‘it’s good night from me, and it’s good night from us’, something like that. What do you think?.’

Starmer shows Trump how Churchillian he is

Rattled by Donald Trump's jibe that he is "no Churchill", Starmer appeared in the Commons wearing a bowler hat and bowtie and smoking a large cigar.

"We will fight them on the beaches!" growled Sir Keir from the despatch box.

'Subject to the restrictions on military activity in Section 46 of the Coastal Amenities Act, 1972,' he added, inadvertently returning to his default setting of pettifogging, rules-bound lawyer.

Going back to bulldog Churchill mode, he barked out: 'Some chicken! Some neck!' before saying: 'Please don't hurt me, Mr Trump.'

To groans and catcalls from both sides of the House, Sir Keir shouted out desperately: 'Now we are masters of our own destiny!

'And that's why this government will never again dare to refuse a demand from the US presidency," squeaked the latter-day Churchill, "no matter how blitheringly idiotic it might be.'

Hat-tip to lockjaw for the image

Government bans jigsaws

Journalists have noticed a new measure that didn’t make it into Rachel Reeve’s Spring Statement speech today.  In the small print of the accompanying documents, that only the accountants and tax lawyers read, there is a dramatic new initiative to ban jigsaws.

Jigsaws – basically cut up pictures that you have to reassemble – will be banned for everyone between 16 and state pension age, which currently 66 - at least for a few more weeks. The government describes the new ban as a bold move to address economic inactivity. In other words, too many people of working age are spending too much time trying to complete 5,000 piece jigsaws of baked beans, or kittens, or thatched cottages.

‘The economic impact is huge,’ said a spokesman.  ‘The time wasted on doing jigsaws is the equivalent to 2.355% of GDP.’  Everyone listening mentally added ‘FACT’ to the end of that sentence.  ‘Banning the sale of new and used jigsaws to people of working age is estimated to increase the numbers in employment by 2.344%, which would be welcome news to Mondeo Man, the Just-About-Managing group and hard-working Britons.

‘Exemptions will be allowed for children’s jigsaws that do not exceed 100 pieces, and for tourist jigsaws.  A tourist jigsaw must have a picture of an important British figure (yes to Churchill, Starmer, Thatcher, Robert Peel, Isaac Newton, no to Noel Gallagher, Jimmy Saville, Mr Blobby, Fred West, Yaxley-Lennon), or a British Landmark (yes to Stonehenge, the Cenotaph, Heathrow, Felixstowe Docks, the M25, no to the Bibby Stockholm, the encampment at Greenham Common, the felled Sycamore Gap tree, turds on the beach).  In addition, a tourist jigsaw must be made from recycled cardboard, have a union flag on the box, and be priced at £49.95 or more.

Charity shops estimate that not being able to sell jigsaws will cost them around 2.322% of turnover, and have asked the government for extra money to fill the gap.

The spokesman concluded by saying that ‘this government will take the tough decisions necessary to get the economy back on its feet and to boost growth.  It’s a long process.  We’re fighting Britain’s corner, and we’re taking it one piece at a time.’

Photo by Ryoji Iwata on Unsplash