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Bayeux Tapestry subject to VAR review

stewartbarclay
Jul 14

The Bayeux Tapestry is set to go on display in the UK at the British Museum - a risky move from France as most foreign-owned items on display there are never returned.

A French spokesman shrugged. 'We will need to make room for the World Cup trophy, so we're getting rid of this massive 1,000 year old carpet.'

Historians have expressed excitement as VAR may now be used to review the Battle of Hastings and potentially overturn the result, with one noting 'A few of the figures on the Tapestry are making the shape of a TV with their fingers. Tapestry? Tap in, more like. This is one in the eye for historical revisionism.'

A statement from the office of King Harold on parchment read 'Forsooth, some of ye Norman archers are interfering with play and so they are offside, Gary, verily 110%.'

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Iran may be lying to us, whisper nervous Trump aides

Jeremynh
Jul 13

"We're beginning to suspect that when it comes to the Strait of Hormuz, Iran may be promising us one thing and doing another," a White House aide confided in a low voice.

"They promise they'll open it up but then terrorise ships into not crossing it without its permission, by blowing a few up.

"Now we have to find a way of breaking it to President Trump that Iran's leaders may have been pulling the wool over his eyes for several weeks on the trot.

"He hates that. He's always considered himself to be the biggest, fattest liar in the whole wide world. The slightest suggestion that someone might be out-goofing him is guaranteed to drive him crazy.

"What we're going to do is sign a new Memorandum of Understanding every time they break the last one. Every time we do, we'll tell Trump that he's cheated the Iranians real good this time.

"Our President loves been called a lying, cheating fraud, " said the aide, marching confidently towards the Oval Office. "He takes it as a compliment."

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Recap at start of TV crime drama bears no relation to plot at all

ChrisF
Jul 12

The 'Previously..' segment at the start of episode 4 of an ITV crime drama bears frustratingly little connection to what you've watched over the last 3 episodes, and is actually making you question your memory and sanity, it has been confirmed.

The plot of 'Gone for Good' seems relatively straightforward and you were quite enjoying it - a slow-burning 6 parter, about a seemingly sociopathic doctor who is the prime suspect in the murder of his wife and the guy she was having an affair with.

Featuring a dogged female detective with problems of her own in her personal life, but who develops a begrudging respect for the beleaguered doctor and his wayward son, you have been wondering, like the detective - maybe he isn't guilty after all, despite what the rest of the CID team think, as well as the dryly humorous pathologist, and wacky IT specialist.

Yet the recaps at the start of each episode are annoyingly missing out a lot of the key details about the story so far, and - hold on, that snippet of conversation they've just replayed was actually said in a different way in episode 3 wasn't it? And the doctor actually said 'you need a long rest, mate' to one of his patients in episode 1, not dubbed over the footage of him standing over his best mate in episode 2 after discovering him lying in a pool of blood with an axe in his head.

And, haven't they just mixed up the order of things - that restaurant scene with the detective and the slightly odd GP's receptionist that she's known for years was in episode 2, and yet the brick being thrown through the police detective's window that they cut to straight after the restaurant in the recap - that was in the opening episode wasn't it?

And why the hell are they focusing for 30 seconds in this recap on some random guy that was only in episode 2 in the background scene digging a big hole in the woods in the dark of night and looking really pained, can they not just focus on things that are important to know!

image from Google Gemini

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