BBC still hasn't reported on BBC not reporting anything

Social media is on fire with allegations that the BBC hasn't reported anything about the crisis in Iran, despite running several separate news articles every day since the demonstrations started.  They are also accused of not reporting anything about the situation in Gaza, despite running articles daily since last year.

'We admit that some reporting is difficult,' said a BBC spokesman, adding, 'as both Iran and Israel won't allow correspondents in, and those that do sneak in tend to get shot', he said. 'I ran to tell you because is real.'

Critics grudgingly agree, but point out that the BBC hasn't announced the upcoming General Election, to be debated next week where the government, despite having a huge majority, is going to roll over and vote to pull the General Election forward by at least three years.  The BBC agree that they haven't reported that piece of news but defended themselves by pointing out that whenever the next election does occur they have told the country who to vote for. Repeatedly.

Image: Luismi Sánchez (@luismisanchez) | Unsplash Photo Community

Trump eager to take over running of Venezuela's dictatorship

'President Trump is really looking forward to misgoverning another country,' said a spokes-anschluss for the White House.

'Venezuela was already a cruel and repressive dictatorship run for the ruler's benefit, so in many ways his work there is done.

'All that remains is to rebrand the presidential palace as the 'Trump Caracas' and call the capital's grimmest shanty town 'Trump Favela', and then the President will lose interest and give up.

'But if that liberal snowflake opposition leader Maria Corina Machado ever dares return to Venezuela from Norway, he'll jail her for beating him to the Nobel Peace Prize and blame Obama.

'Why does Trump want to be the autocratic ruler of every country he can annex?' continued the spokes-camp guard, in answer to a question from Colditz News Network.

'We believe it's because he never had a train set as a kid and since then, he's wanted to be the Fat Controller of everything he can lay his tiny fingers on - women and countries.'

A statement from the nonsensically miffed Nicolas Maduro said 'I thought dictatorship and election-rigging, crude oil and cocaine were things Trump and I both loved. The ex-President of Honduras just got a pardon for the same thing that I'm clearly going to be Epstein-ed for. If Trump wanted a play date, why didn't he just ask.'

Image: Leonardo Guillen (@leoguillen) | Unsplash Photo Community

Britain’s greatest unsolved mystery: men who wear shorts in winter

Each winter, as the UK endures months of cold, damp misery, something extraordinary happens. While most of us wear scarves, jumpers and an air of quiet resentment, an increasingly common yet baffling creature emerges from the sleet: the British Man in Knee-Length Shorts. It's -2°C, it's frosty and somewhere, a car won't start. Yet there he is.

He strides through frostbitten streets, calves glowing bright pink, while the rest of us resemble bundled laundry. Sometimes the shorts are teamed with footwear that is even less winter-appropriate – a pair of flip flops. They slap against icy pavements like a metronome counting down to hypothermia. Toes go numb. Ankles turn blue. But still he persists, because changing shoes would mean admitting weakness.

At first you think it must be a mistake. Maybe he's taking the bins out, or he's been locked out. But no, he's walking with purpose. Sometimes to Tesco, or the pub. Occasionally, and most alarmingly, to work.

What truly unsettles observers, however, is not the shorts alone. It's the contradiction. For while his legs are boldly exposed to sub-zero winds, the upper half is dressed for an Antarctic expedition. A padded coat the size of a duvet, a woolly hat pulled down to the eyebrows, suggesting that he does understand the concept of cold - just not below the waist.

Asked if he's cold, Winter Shorts Man will reply, 'Nah, not really,' while visibly vibrating like a phone on silent. He may add, 'It's not that bad,' as a gritting lorry drives past, peppering his bare shins with rock salt. The shorts, we're told, are 'more comfortable,' which is British for 'I made a decision once and now it's my whole personality'.

Scientists have proposed several theories. One is that the legs of some British men are governed by a separate climate system. Another is that the shorts are not about temperature at all, but about identity - a quiet declaration of resilience and masculinity. As for the flip flops, no one knows - possibly a cry for help?

And so, the mystery endures. If these men truly 'don't feel the cold', why the coat? Why the hat? Why the frost-bitten ankles? Perhaps it is best not to ask.

We watch as he disappears into the freezing fog, his knees numb, his padded coat and shorts defying logic and basic trouser etiquette. The inexplicable sight of a man dressed for three seasons at once in winter has become a part of the British identity, like our love of tea, queueing and complaining about potholes.

Image: WixAI