top of page
Search

Allied WW2 chat finally declassified



Messages exchanged between Allied leaders on Bakelite, a 1940s precursor of modern messaging apps, have finally been declassified under Home Office rules. 


The messages reveal that the D-Day landings were almost called off due to security concerns.


CHURCHILL: So we’re all set for Normandy?


MONTY: Provided the weather holds, yes sir.


HITLER: Normandy! Gott in Himmel, I almost said Normandy!


CHURCHILL: What the actual… is that Hitler?


HITLER: You know it, baby 😆


CHURCHILL: You added Hitler to the group chat?!?


MONTY: Sorry sir, I didn’t know it was him. His username just said “Reich Reich Baby”.


ROOSEVELT: Jeez, I knew I shouldn’t have left this to a bunch of limeys.


MONTY: Don’t worry Mr President, he still doesn’t know it’s June 6th.


CHURCHILL: Monty, I swear to god…


HITLER: Right, who had Normandy on June 6th?


GOERING: Me! Pay up, losers!


HIMMLER: No you didn’t, you said Brittany. That’s a totally different place.


GOERING: It’s the same place, that’s just the French name for it.


HIMMLER: Christ, no wonder we lost the Battle of Britain…


GOERING: You can talk, you said the Dordogne. That’s not even on the bloody coast!


ROOSEVELT: What the f… you added the whole Nazi High Command?


MONTY: Well unfortunately sir, once Hitler was in, he was able to invite other people...


ROOSEVELT: Goddammit! I oughta come over there and sort you guys out but good.


CHURCHILL: Oh yeah? You and whose wheelchair access ramp?


MONTY: Now now, chaps, let’s not go there…


GOEBBELS: Don’t tell me Mussolini’s on here as well?


HITLER: Don’t worry, I created another chat just for him and me, so he feels like he’s involved. So, you were saying about Normandy?


CHURCHILL: Monty, don’t you say another bloody word!


HITLER: Come on Monty, tell uncle Dolfi 😋


CHURCHILL: Makes no difference anyway. Whatever you send against us, we will fight you on the beaches, on the landing grounds and in the streets.


MONTY: Oh Lord, he’s off again…


STALIN: Gee, sounds like a nice day at the beach, guys. Remind me to tell you about Stalingrad one day.


TUKHACHEVSKY: To be fair, that was partly your fault for not…


TUKHACHEVSKY has left the chat very suddenly.


STALIN: Dude, how many times? Never in public. Or in private, for that matter.


TROTSKY: Dear me, looks like poor old Uncle Joe doesn’t have too many friends left!


STALIN: Trotsky! Enjoying life in Mexico? (Yes, I know where you are)


TROTSKY: Very much, thank you! Must be annoying for you to have a critic you can’t silence?


STALIN: Oh, I have plenty of ways to get to you, old friend. And when the time comes, I’ll take my pick 😜


TROTSKY: Hmm, guess it was funnier in your head.


STALIN: Not as funny as it’ll be in yours. Oh and Dolfi, since we’re talking… you missed a bit under your nose when you were shaving.


HITLER: Thanks, dude. Gets funnier every time.


DE GAULLE: Sorry to interrupt, but… is it safe to come out yet?



bottom of page