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A family of 14, including two great-grandparents, have been evicted from a high-tech warehouse in Sunderland.
The warehouse is owned and operated by a well-known on-line retailer who has, amazingly, asked not to be named. We are able to say, however, that the warehouse is in a prime location.
The retailer said that the family had got in by mailing themselves to the warehouse, pretending to be returned goods. Once inside, they hacked the stock control system to make certain racks unavailable for use. They then lived in the racking, unnoticed, hiding behind dusty pallets of unsold Boris Johnson books. They survived by eating cardboard and returned corn-and-potato based snacks. For entertainment, they challenged each other to wear a blindfold and work out which was which.
Six members of the family were subsequently hired by the retailer, even though they gave their home address as that of the warehouse. They worked regular shifts for over a year, and one of them won employee of the month three times. Despite this, the family was made to leave, and all six employees were sacked. Two family members escaped the eviction process by despatching themselves to a pick-up locker nearby.
The retailer said that it would not prosecute the family as company policies didn’t directly cover the circumstances. A spokesman confirmed that IT security would be tightened and company policies updated.
Although there was some damage to copies of ‘Unleashed’ there was no financial loss as they were already unsaleable and worthless.
Following the brilliant insight that accompanied President Trump’s 5am bowel movement on Sunday, that Middle East tensions could be solved simply by moving Gazans to neighbouring countries, he has now decided that the California wildfires can be tackled the same way.
'It’s a really dumb place to build a city, I would never have built there,” ran the President’s tweet. “No wonder it catches fire all the time, especially with lesbians running the fire department - and not the good looking ones you see in pornos. Sad.'
Under the plan, Californians will simply be moved to Oregon, Nevada and Arizona, though characteristically the governments of those states were neither consulted nor even informed of the plan until they saw it on the news.
However, Trump’s political opponents have questioned whether his aim isn’t really to clear out Hollywood, which he sees as a hotbed of liberalism and home of his natural critics. Fears were prompted by a leaked memo in which Trump, Elon Musk and Steve Bannon discuss what kind of natural disaster could be used as a pretext to demolish the studios of Saturday Night Live.
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