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Bird-nets secretly hiding premature baldness.
Netting said to be preventing birds from settling in trees, is covering a follicle secret, with a ratio of ten shrubberies to one Ross Kemp. Farmers have long used topiary to provide a comb-over for arable land during fallow seasons. In the 16th century ladies of the court would often wear a privet hedge upon their head to signify their secret desires, hence the phrase ‘Privy to the Privet’. Even famous, bald musician, Seal, is said to wear one – which he calls the ‘Privet Seal’.
Remarked one outraged ornithologist: ‘Does anyone else think it’s wrong to put a hawthorn on top of Vin Diesel? We shouldn’t be coppicing Bruce Willis. I remember when Birdsnet was just what misogynists called Mumsnet.’
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The Chinese have released an Artificial Intelligence app called DeepSeek that has been created for a fraction of the costs of the frontrunning AI apps produced so far.Â
AI has been under fire for scraping intellectual property (IP) from books, research, music and images without adequately compensating the original authors or providing them with a suitable opt-out. It is understood that DeepSeek has scraped the existing AI engines and has been able to cut development costs enormously. Google, X and Microsoft are livid that they haven't been adequately compensated or provided with a suitable opt-out.
A spokesman for DeepSeek refused to confirm or deny the allegations, but hinted that the I in their AI stands for Irony.
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