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Prince Andrew has announced that he will be spending Christmas at his beloved bedsit "Andringham" in Peckham.
"I asked if the the King and his wider family would care to join me for a Christmas Day fry-up at Johnnie's Cafe on Peckham High Street. Although unable to attend, his majesty did express regret and included the term "king" many times in his response."
Royal correspondents have been given access to the exclusive range of vapes, fake tattoos, power pre-payment cards and ethanol-based cocktails that will be available to attendees, and Ghislaine Maxwell is expected to join for a short Zoom call from her straitjacket in the US.
The Prince's representative confirmed that he is expected to celebrate the new year at his other regal residence, Immoral, in Scotland, and us looking-forward to engaging in his favourite pastime, Trainspotting.
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