Deskpilot has stormed the table again, but thanks to Wren's rule he can't win WOTM two months on the bounce so Doctor Chutney (on an impressive 40 points) takes the crown this month.
Cartoon of the month is below the leaderboard and the full list of headlines (140!) are posted below.
Front Page, News in Brief and Features
billclay
Chipchase
Deskpilot
Doctor Chutney
eppursimuove
humperscrump
ian searle
Dodgy moment during Clarkson heart operation as the surgeon’s hand slipped and Jeremy’s nose lit up.
James_doc
jeremynh
Lockjaw
mcdabble
Midfield Diamond
Modelmaker
MacDonalds branch closes after elderly, insanitary, unqualified chip fryer found found working there
Robowurzel
scribbles
Sir Lupus
SteveB
Stewartbarclay
Sydalg
tacitus
Throngsman
Titus
Walter Eagle
Will
Wrenfoe
Cartoon of the month goes to Modelmaker for When grandchildren don't realise what the cost of living is these days
Headlines
Adrian Bamforth
Church opposes assisted dying, except for Jesus
apepper
Are you wasting your time online? Take our quiz to find out
Lettuce makes late bid for Tory leadership
bigbadbob
After brain surgery bear with a sore head is not out of the woods
Boxer knocked out in final round is a sore loser
billclay
ICC rules selling Mince Pies with an October Sell By Date a war crime
Deskpilot
After attacking UN, Israel to start stomping on kittens
Australian protester to be tried in kangaroo court
Bankrupt french accordion maker feels the squeeze
Barefoot man finally realises Socktober is not a thing
Batik experts argue against assisted dyeing
Burning rubbish overtakes politics as dirtiest form of power
Charity regrets its slogan 'Let's help bone cancer patients'
Cleverly claims election was stolen from him
Dog mess remover illegally claimed Jobseekers Allowance
Gen Z and Gen Alpha reject GenRick
General Dental Council criticised as 'toothless'
Grateful nation thanks Laura Kuenssberg for getting That Interview cancelled
Horological thief told to put the clocks back
I gave my girl a digital watch. Her face lit up
Jeremy Clarkson nearly bought the farm
No tax rises - but bus fares just went up by 50%
Pelican buyer didn't expect such an enormous bill
Sewing Bee contestant claims it's a stitch up
Singing polisher waxes lyrical
Special episode of Little Britain to feature Badenoch & Jenrick
Today's Tory leaders race event: eating a bacon sandwich
Tory conference: Rishi gives a short speech
Tory party to vote in favour of assisted dying
Town Crier finds his calling
Unsuccessful wedding goes off without a hitch
Doctor Chutney
Are transparent urns the future? Remains to be seen
Earthquake science on shaky ground
Labour MP promotes winter jabs
Local selling Cuban food, drink and cigars becomes Castro pub
Millions still without power in Russia
Rebekah Vardy says "Best of five?"
Tugendhat's out of the ring
UK sperm still mostly produced by hand
dominic_mcg
Not my King! But I like the look of those sausages!
Starmer: I won't raise taxes for working people... but Rachel will...
eppursimuove
American storm alert upgraded to “Whoa, dude”
Shock as Scottish man lives to 69
Granger
For you, Tommy, ze war is just starting, says Lampard
I ain't done with those bits yet, says Kentucky 'Lararus'
Speech free, for all who agree with me, says Musk
Hokeyloki
US Election: both parties concerned about floating voters in Florida
ian searle
BBC apologises to Davros for his treatment by Dr. Who
Inventor of the rotisserie is turning in their grave
Tory party rethink support for Israel after they start bombing banks
jim Skinz
Elderly nuns to star in action movie Old Habits Die Hard
Had Haigh been on the whisky?
Have I Shot News For You
Keyboard-maker praised for putting in a shift
New Book on the history of Crisps reviewed: There's not much in it
Prisoner with premature-ejaculation qualifies for Early Release Scheme
Shifty Aides of Gray
Joe
Red tape scrapped. It’s all CD’s now
Storm blown out of proportion
leeboy007
Classic 60's spy movie gets vegetarian remake - The Eat Cress File
Lockjaw
Cheddar thieves are currently gorging themselves
Retired ventriloquist still likes to keep his hand in
Sooty and Sue have an open marriage. No strings attached
Strictly sponsored by Go Compare
Who is Amber Warnings, and what has she got against Britain?
mcdabble
'Feels like 14 years already' says Starmer
Giant pumpkin arrested for stalking
Harris challenges Trump to an IQ test
Makers of obesity drug expect fat profit
'Not worth doin a crime any more' says homeless man, 'You're out in no time'
Smart TV refuses to show Love Island
Micca
Illegal Peruvian immigrant discovered in London station is handed UK passport
Modelmaker
Invitation to Tory reunion party. Bring your own boos
Kris Kristofferson doesn't make it through the night
Kwikipedia: A comprehensive guide to the world's red light districts
Only one direction for Liam Payne after balcony fall
With Tugendhat gone, Badenoch and Jenrick team up to box Cleverly
MrQ
All of Starmer's decisions so far described as complete no-brainers
Builder gets spanner lodged in throat after downing tools
Convict thrown from van on way to prison in record breaking early release
Interest rates drop to 0%... In Tory leadership race
Local dog-sitter flattened hundreds of pups
Man with a chip on his shoulder attacked by seagulls
Pickpocket claims he was crowdfunded
Reeves sets up GoFundMe page
Sadistic cult hold an open Mike night
Thousands expected to attend march against marches
Thousands of kids with special knees may have been mis-diagnosed
Toddler claims front crawl title
Trapeze artist sick of drawing the same thing
Trump vows to protect women whether they like it or not
UK's leading ologist has no idea what he specialises in
Woman who wants to have her cake and eat it buys two cakes
Woman with ladder in her tights nicked for shoplifting in B&Q
Not Titus
Peace keeping - what's that? asks Netanyahu
Scribbles
Amnesiac can’t remember what his hobby is, but campanologist rings a bell
Archaeologist's career is in ruins
At the World Invisibility Championship, there was only one clear winner
Comedian admitted to hospital after a funny turn
Could Matthew Perry’s doctor BE any more guilty?
Cow complains of sexual assault. Police believe local vet may have had a hand in it.
Criminal with Velcro flies says he fears getting caught by the fuzz
Cutting OAP’s heating allowance was 'green initiative to reduce carbon emissions', says Starmer
Explorer who visited North and South Pole is diagnosed as bipolar
Flamboyant waistcoat maker says his designs go over the top
Gay man who caught elasticated braces on closet door came out 57 times
GP who diagnoses based on 1st letter of patient’s name says it’s only an initial assessment
Man enters 11th hour of 5-minute DIY task
Man says working as a carpet fitter brought him to his knees
Man who ‘always goes the extra mile’ sacked from taxi driver job
Man who fights fire with fire sacked from the Fire Service
Man who slept with baby goats charged with kidnapping
Onanist arrested after coming under police scrutiny
Onanist gardener says his hobby is coming up roses
Onanist MP says he often comes up against members of the opposition
Printer admits it hasn’t run out of ink, it’s just taking the p!ss
Reports of gang of elderly men repairing shoes turned out to be a load of old cobblers
Scientists combine Viagra with Mr Sheen, for men who want to rise and shine
Sexually frustrated baker was fired for using his loaf
Shock as medical procedure reveals Jeremy Clarkson has a heart
Shock as Mrs Brown’s Boys star attempts comedy
Woman can’t decide between holiday in Monaco, or a boob job. Monte-Carlo or bust?
Sketchly
Alex Salmond’s body has returned to Glasgow ahead of a private battering
Matchstick makers petition for right to strike
Referee blacklisted by FA for whistle-blowing
Russia fines Google ALL of the money
Strange drone over the Pentagon revealed to be a broadcast of Keir Starmer’s speech
Trump already demanding a recount and a second election
Where to look to see the comet passing by for the first time in 800,000 years. Up
SteveB
An eye for an eye, a tooth for 11,000 children
Flannelling world champion throws in the towel
Hamas leader Yahya Sinwar accidentally killed during military campaign against Gazan children
'I would bite King Charles' hand off' says sausage lover
London Eye 'on the blink'
Mount Everest loses 1 foot in 1 day
New Chelsea formation includes two players pre-sent-off
Think tank accused of Thoughtcrime
Titus
Hawk-Eye to replace line judges? You can NOT be serious!!
New fiscal rules - debt isn't debt, if you're a Labour government
Tory party lumbered with choice between two Liz-Truss-calibre leadership candidates