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writer: jonnyjp
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The Leader of the House of Commons has defended the scrapping of the winter fuel payment:-
“If we had not used this to get to grips with the public finances deficit, there would have been a run on the pound, the economy would crash, Putin would spot a weakness and invade, the resultant nuclear war would kill all life on earth, knock the Earth out of its’ orbit and make it spiral into the sun.
And all because a handful of whinging greedy coffin dodgers can’t be arsed to dress sensibly and cut down on the weekly Waitrose shopping. Do they not realise the sacrifices others are making? Our beloved leader Kim Jong Starmer has given up his summer holiday! Whereas I, whereas I......
Anyway a lot of them won’t realise anything different as they can’t afford TV licences. And the next general election is nearly five years away. Long enough for the issue to ‘die down’ – most likely from hypothermia”
The department chain has declared that they will be closing down 31 stores throughout the Kingdom of Westeros. As many as 2,000 employees will be made redundant and forced to wear ‘the black’ – a surplus line of monochrome underwear.
170 years ago, the House of Fraser began with one shop in an ungodly wilderness ravaged by dragon fire and white-walkers, called Glasgow. The story of the House of Fraser is one of brutal medieval warfare and dynastic murder – or ‘high street retail’ as most know it.
Fans of George.R.R.Martin will have to wait to see how the series ends for The House of Fraser but creditors have promised that heads will roll. Said one shop assistant: ‘Winter is coming but we should probably have stuck with our Summer range a little longer.’
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