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A committee of three little pigs today published their long-awaited report on the straw house disaster of 2017.
”It’s shocking that even now, new houses are being built of straw,” said Pinky. “Have we learned nothing from this tragedy? Or do the lives of little pigs just not matter compared to saving money?”
He went on to say that a proposed compromise, building houses of sticks, would also not be adequate to keep out the big bad wolf, and bricks were needed.
”Really, all this absurd talk of a big bad wolf,” smiled Housing Minister Fenrir Lupine, picking his teeth with his claws. “I can assure you no such creature exists. And frankly it doesn’t help to stigmatise a marginalised community who would be doing no harm at all even if they existed, which they don’t.”
He nevertheless agreed to further talks, even offering to visit the little pigs in their homes and bring apple sauce as a peace offering. This was condemned as treacherous by Little Red Riding Hood, before realising she was in the wrong story.
At 82 years of age, the American singer-songwriter, has admitted that he is no longer able to offer the same levels of inappropriate romance and rock’n’roll grooming. UNICEF estimates that 25 million child marriages have been prevented in the past decade, 90% of which are attributable to The Rolling Stones no longer touring.
World leaders have vowed to end child marriage by 2030, provided they can get Woody Allen’s agreement.
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