Dear Heavenly Beings and Sales Team,
I hope we can avoid some of the issues we had with last year's exuberant and spirited (no pun intended) gathering. We can all agree we had one Hell of a time – and that, I think, is part of the problem. I fear, in the aftermath of all that merrymaking, we may have broken one or two commandments. Remember...
1. Thou shalt be patient: I know 40 years is a long time to wait for nibbles, but I do not appreciate Moses heckling the kitchen staff.
2. Thou shalt avoid inappropriate comments: Asking Jesus when his birthday is, is not funny. And is not funny the twentieth time.
3. Thou shalt not steal office supplies: It took a dozen knights to find the pilfered Holy Grail. And I like a joke as much as the next man, but where have you put the Holy Ghost?
4. Thou shalt maintain confidentiality: If someone confesses their sins, even after a dozen pints, that does not give you the right to scrawl it on a toilet walls. I'm looking at you, Peter.
5. Thou shalt refrain from excessive revelry: We are now out of Altar wine and have been forced to use the Sacramental Cider.
6. Thou shalt not engage in workplace relationships: I know Mary was 14, but that does not give you the right to chase the cherubs.
7. Thou shalt enjoy the Quiz: But I do not appreciate the team name – 'Quiz on God's T$ts'
8. Thou shalt wear a festive jumper: I know, it's technically Satan's invention, but let's just power through, okay?
9. Thou shalt not ruin Secret Santa. By telling everyone who St. Nick is. Please.
10. Thou shalt be dignified: Not all souls need to be ar-souls.
Thank you for your attention and cooperation.
Sincerely,
God
cc Buddha
Picture credit: Wix AI