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The G20 summit was surprised to find that Ivanka Trump had assumed the mantle of President of the United States and Protector of the Seven Kingdoms (all except Mexico). The similarities with Game of Thrones are remarkable; with one Queen replacing a despised man-child, who has all the self-restraint of wart-hog on methamphetamines and the other being Cersei Lannister. Ivanka is said to be an intimate of her father's inner circle but she has always denied such a euphemism.
Meanwhile Donald Trump had absented himself to meet with the Indonesian leader and to 'meat' with Miss Indonesian. This left Ivanka making executive decisions for the US, committing all G20 leaders to buy her Summer-range and an evening of canasta with Jared Kushner.
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It is thought that Israel is specifically attacking Hezbollah from the 1980s. One Mossad agent confirmed: 'If we go back in time, we can kill our enemies before they are even born. We got the idea from an episode of Quantum Leap.'
Citizens of Lebanon have been warned that their floppy discs could be poisoned and that their VHS machine could be packed with explosives. A Minister advised: 'Throw away your Sony Walkman. Not because it is dangerous, but because you look stupid. It's 2024, ffs!'
With thousands injured in the attacks, academics in the area are nervously packing away their overhead projectors. Wannabee rappers are discarding their boomboxes. Said one teenager: 'If I knew they were attacking old tech, I'd have never invested in the latest iTypewriter.'
Picture credit: Wix AI
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