Laura Kuenssberg accused of being too lenient on Labour

Conservative MPs past and present have rounded on the BBCs political correspondent who they believe has been treating Labour too lightly lately.

'She didn't press the Prime Minister on how many after dinner mints he was given at the last meal he had,' said one Tory MP.  'Sure, she mentioned he'd had some football tickets to matches he'd already paid to see, but she didn't ask if he paid for the programme,' he thundered while denying his own paid-for attendance at a Premier League team for the last four seasons was grift but instead was 'research into the sporting opportunities for constituents' admitting that the team in question was one hundred miles from his constituency.

'She didn't go in hard enough over that caravan holiday in West Wales,' shouted another MP, who denied his fully paid-for holidays in Mustique with all food and drink thrown in was comparable.  'I was effectively trapped on the island every bloody time they sent me there - Starmer could have just hitched the caravan up and gone to a different location any time he wanted,' he alleged.  'And did he pay for the towing bracket?  She didn't ask that either,' he said.

A BBC spokesman denied Ms Kuenssberg was going soft on Labour after fourteen years of slapping Conservative MPs on the back and publicly bigging them up.  'Someone had to boost their ego, otherwise they would have been left with only the Daily Mail, The Sun, GB News and Talk TV,' he said.

image from pixabay

Amal Clooney admits to being clickbait for dyslexics.

Despite being a distinguished human rights lawyer, Mrs Clooney has expressed frustration at the online attention she has received, since her marriage, from those looking for ‘backdoor action’ involving her heartthrob husband. Other celebrities have complained that their names are too similar to notorious sexual acts; with Benedict Cumberbatch long associated with an obscene pursuit involving a marmoset’s urethra, a bowl of jelly and Wisden Cricketers' Almanack. Although Gay Search, the Radio Times Gardening Editor, admitted to earning millions from dating apps and Pokémon Go.

A spokesman for the British Dyslexia Association explained his dubious browsing history: ‘It’s easy to led astray on the internet. Who hasn’t mistyped ‘Google Maps’ and inadvertently entered ‘Bukaki Goat’?’  Others have expressed sympathy for her position, as retired German footballer Stefan Kuntz spoke of the humiliation of being constantly confused with James Corden.

www.newsbiscuit.com

If you enjoyed this archive item, why not buy thousands of archive stories found in our eBooks, paperbacks and hardbacks?

Earth to be Recycled

Five go Dobbing in the Neighbours

15 Years of Typos

Starmer accepts magic ring from Sauron

The PM's office explained: 'It's a gift. At no point did the Dark Lord say he expected anything in exchange, other than Keir's eternal soul. The Prime Minister is under no obligation, other than to chase hobbits all over Middle Earth.

'Everything was declared in the appendices to The Silmarillion. Being a Ring Wraith will not prevent his work as PM, if anything it makes him more likeable.' Sadly this is true, as Starmer's popularity is lower than Rings of Power Season 2. He insisted it was not a bribe, but was not helped by referring to the ring as 'my precious'. Friends have said he should avoid the appearance of sleaze by casting the Ring into the Cracks of Doom, or as Tolkien called it, 'Boris Johnson's arse'.

image from pixabay