top of page
Search
After criticism for shortcomings in protecting Donald Trump, the Secret Service has upped its game regarding President Biden.
An insider said that the Secret Service has already prevented three assassination attempts this week. Despite the obvious publicity value to the Democrats, the incidents are being hushed up, with the special security classification ‘Restricted - Roswell’.
The first incident involved an accident with an office stapler. It was later downgraded from an assassination attempt as no third party was involved. Joe Biden has been encouraged to let his admin staff do the stapling in future.
The second incident happened at lunchtime. The danger to the President was averted when a lifeguard rescued Joe Biden from the shallow end of a tomato soup. This followed an attempted stabbing with a very sharp sardine tin lid.
Finally, at bed-time, a highly trained Secret Service agent was able to rescue the President from a strangulation attempt. A flannelette pyjama top was taken away for questioning.
The insider told us that all agents remain on high alert, as there are dangers around every corner. Not least because Joe insists on keeping his dark glasses on indoors.
image from pixabay
hat tip to Steve B
bottom of page