Self-declared winner of the Venezuelan Presidential elections Nicolas Maduro has allegedly declared counting votes as 'old fashioned', 'too complicated' and 'booooring', adding that he had won the vote 'mainly on vibes', and noting that there’s no point stacking Venezuela’s National Electoral Council with close allies unless you can get the result you prefer.
A spokesperson added 'President Maduro has been practising his surprised face for when the result is whatever we need it to be. We look forward to definitely not imprisoning more of his political opponents. And definitely not fiddling the election receipts so it eventually looks legit when we finally allow people access.'
Addressing American criticism of the obvious fraud, the spokesperson responded by saying, 'Oh yeah, how’s it going having Donald Trump as a viable candidate in 2024, despite, you know, everything.'
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