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The nation’s TV critics have pronounced themselves shocked to their very foundations that Buying London, a show about sloaney dimwits selling expensive homes, isn’t a work of towering genius.


'Well really,' huffed the Independent’s critic. 'I came to it expecting the pathos of Chekhov, the insight of late Kieslowski and the magisterial sweep of Gabriel Garçia Marquez. Instead I find it’s some glossy airheads saying ‘Wow’ as they look around big houses. I’m so disappointed.'


'Exactly right,' agreed her colleague at the Guardian. 'I watched the whole show in a constant state of rage that rich people even exist. Actually, I couldn’t care less, but it’s a good way of auditioning for a job writing editorial content - Polly’s got to retire at some point.'


Critics were particularly savage about the constant backstabbing between two of the show’s stars, Mitzi and Ditzi, which they said was 'obviously scripted'.


'I mean, come on - two vain, ambitious glamazons being catty about each other? They must think we’ll believe anything.'


Picture credit: stablediffusionweb.com




Regardless of dying, at the ripe old age of 95, movie executives already have plans afoot to resurrect Stan Lee, for as many times as is profitable. Grieving relatives have committed the decaying remains of Mr. Lee to a six-figure movie deal – where he will have the opportunity to fight The Hulk and the smell of mothballs.


Explained one director: ‘Stan is one of our most successful franchises. And as such, we plan to dig up his festering corpse, put him spandex and thwack the hell out of him.   Research suggests that the 18-25 male demographic want to see an atrophying corpse, provided we can put some breasts on him. His superhero name will reflect his nearly departed state; either The Caped Decomposer, The Masked Putrefaction or John Humphrys.’






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Here are some of the tracks on the new album 'Now 2024: Now That's What I Call A General Election' -


Conservative - 'Easy Come, Easy Go' by Elvis Presley

Labour - 'I Heard It On The Grapevine' by Marvin Gaye

Lib Dems - 'Don't You Forget About Me' by Simple Minds

Green - 'Imagine' by John Lennon

SNP - 'My Perfect Cousin' by The Undertones

Reform - 'We're Only Making Plans for Nigel' by XTC

Plaid Cymru - 'My Little Empire' by the Manic Street Preachers

Count Binface - 'All I Ask Of Myself Is That I Hold It Together' by Ned's Atomic Dustbin

DUP - 'I'm Going Slightly Mad' by Queen

Sinn Fein - 'Brothers in Arms' by Dire Straits

Britain First - 'Run Like Hell' by Pink Floyd


Image by Gerd Altmann from Pixabay

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