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Beach pebble amnesty goes horribly wrong



It seemed a good idea. Many people who visit Chesil Beach take home a pebble or two as a souvenir. Over time this significantly weakens the flood defences and threatens the local habitat. So the Environment Agency offered an amnesty to anyone returning pebbles to the beach, telling them that there would be no fines or further action.


What actually happened was a nightmare.


A spokesman said, 'We’ve had lorryloads of rubble dumped on Chesil Beach. Most of the stones were not from Chesil Beach in the first place, and the brickwork, reinforced concrete, asbestos and steel girders definitely didn’t originate from here.'


The member staff who came up with the scheme has been redeployed to Chesil Beach and will stay there until he has cleared up the mess. He will also have to repay a staff suggestion scheme award of £50.


Hunt ensures smoke-free generation is also triple-lock-pension-free generation



Chancellor of the Exchequer and spouse to someone Chinese or Japanese, Jeremy Hunt, has now muddled up his generations as well as the nationality of someone he married.


Young voter, Frank Woth explained, 'What he wanted to do was triple lock my granny right up. What he has actually done is bang the last nail in the coffin of the smoke-free generation, ensuring it will also be the pension-free generation.


'Rishi Sunak's Artificial Intelligence plan will mean that mum and dad and most of their generation will be out of their jobs by next year. Which is an interesting way to make work pay.


'So with no income tax or national insurance to cover granny's pension pegged to sky-rocketing inflation as corporate directors stretch their last profit margins past breaking point.'


'The rest of us will be able to huddle together homelessly in a hole where the NHS used to be and watch the fossil fuel extractors fight over the last penny in the taxpayer pot.'


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