It is Windy

It is windy, which is weather and not news.

However, storms in January have come as a relief to beleaguered news editors, desperate for something to cover that isn't the bombing of civilians. One said 'Storms give good visuals. Do you think tabloids and TV news prefer pictures of dead Palestinians or waves crashing over a sea wall? Exactly. Maybe if a Russian rocket hits a Kiev apartment building and it falls down in a funny way?'

Travel reporters have described feeling amazing as wild storms are second only to when it snows, for making people actually listen to them.

Elsewhere, imbecilic blowhards with zero scientific knowledge or understanding will get a mysteriously large amount of air time/column inches on right-wing outlets 'for balance'.

Weather forecasters have been criticised for naming storms, as if you name them, you risk getting attached.

Image: Pixabay/TanteTati

Doomsday Clock reset for British Summer Time

Previously scientists had assumed we were 90 seconds from total annihilation, but instead we have an extra hour in bed. Said one boffin: 'I'd kissed goodbye to my loved ones and sold my worldly posessions but now I get a lie in.

'Further examination of the clock shows someone had also confused AM for PM, so everything is actually hunky dory. By contrast, our oven clock has not been reset for years and is on the verge of nuclear armageddon.'

Meanwhile another group of scientists using a different metric says the Doomsday Wheelie Bin should have been put out last Thursday.

Image: Pixabay/ geralt

Meanwhile, down the Wildlife Park ...