English reaction to Welsh independence reaches new levels of indifference

A survey carried out in England has revealed unprecedented levels of indifference to the idea of Welsh independence.

”In previous surveys, the majority of responses to the question have been ‘Really?’ or ‘You’re kidding, right?’” said a spokesman for the survey company, Idlewind.

”This is the first time the third option, ‘OK, well… whatever’ has been in the majority. This denotes a marked shift from outright incredulity to accepting the possibility, but not giving a toss either way.”

Some respondents selected a fourth option, which suggested Welsh independence might already have happened but hadn’t made the news.

Mark Drakeford, the First Minister (or Whiny Dog) of Wales, said he was pleased the English weren’t more strongly in favour, as it might lead the Welsh to vote against it out of spite.

The result stands in marked contrast to English attitudes to Scots independence, which range from wild enthusiasm to making concrete plans for what to do with the money saved.

Image: Pixabay/ terinakasih0

Mark Francois "ready to serve" says Army chief

Brexit Commando Captain Mark "Don't Call Me Frenchy" François has taken the coveted (by him) place at the front of the queue to join Britain's new citizen army, even though it doesn't actually exist yet.

In a radical step for the Head of the Army, General (formerly Colonel) Sanders told "an armoured vehicle conference" that the army should be bigger. Citing Russia's invasion of Ukraine as an "attack on our system", he called for citizens to be trained in ground warfare, takeaway delivery and Netflix account navigation in order to preserve our cherished way of life.

The armoured vehicles at the conference did not comment, beyond a low appreciative throbbing of their engines, but reservists and fantasists across the land leapt to attention and began to stream to the nearest recruiting office in their tens. Given that there are no recruiting offices, many decided to settle for their local post office instead, where they collected their pension, pledge loyalty to General Bates, and bought some parcel tape to fix camouflage to their bobble hats. And at their head, M Francois MP, with a note from the Prime Minister himself encouraging him to sign up for "as long as it takes" and "see if you can persuade some of the other backbench nutters to join you."

Image: Pixabay/7144605

Adapting to the modern times