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Unlike Johnny Depp, who was forced to save his best performance for court, this year’s most impressive acting has come from everyone else deliberately feigning concern for something they could not give a flying fig about.
Be it Boris Johnson arguing for Brexit, Keir Starmer calling for Unity or Vlad the Impaler demanding less stake-based insertions - it’s clear that none of these positions are genuinely felt. Bad Faith Actors deliberately fake sincerity in order further than own agenda and all without the need for an Equity Card.
While the world attempts to tackle issues surrounding racism and sexuality, others see it as a perfect opportunity to advance their career or appear on Loose Women – which is the opposite of improving your job prospects.
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As a tentative hostage exchange is agreed in Gaza, the Labour Party have been backpedalling like a unicyclist rolling down The Alps. Smiling through gritted teeth, the Shadow Cabinet look as happy about peace as Ghengis Kahn's arrow supplier.
Hastily re-writing history with Tipp-ex and a crayon, Sir Keir now claims he sacked pro-peace members of his party due to an admin error. This is known as 'Schrodinger's Starmer' simultaneously lying to your face and talking out his arse.
He has even been forced to bin 1000 t-shirts printed with 'We don't negotiate with terrorists'. A spokeswoman curtly explained: 'We will tell you our position, just as soon as the US has told us what it is.'
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