As winter arrives, Britain's trains enter hibernation

Beautiful scenes today, with winter becoming imminent, as the nation's train began their annual journey to hibernation.

As the first frosts of the season begin to bite, the majestic trains sense that now is the time to start their slumber-like inoperability and head for their home sheds. You can almost hear their diesel and electric yawns whilst they slowly shunt towards their well-earned sleep, stopping only to wait for their patient drivers to sweep leaves from the track to save the sensitive rolling stock. We won't see the vast majority of them now until early April when the temperature begins it's uptick and commuters threaten a bloody revolution.

Some of these trains have been being used solidly for more than a month with some even arriving at their destinations on-time on the right day. A incredible feat of great ambition. It's difficult not to be emotional as the train drivers shed a solitary tear as their charges are tucked up, comfortable and warm, moments before turning from them and heading to join yet another picket line.

Image: Bart Christiaanse (@bartchristiaanse) | Unsplash Photo Community

Calls to pardon the Spice Girls.

The Home Secretary said she would look at their conviction for crimes against music, but was unlikely that Scary, Beaky, Harpo, Sleepy and Doc would be forgiven for ‘Spice World’ the movie. She said: ‘We are approaching the centenary of women's votes and, more importantly, it is twenty years since ‘Viva Forever’. Who can forget Emmeline Pankhurst’s jugs popping out during her civil rights speech at the Brit Awards?’

Most academics agree that the struggle for women’s rights was symbolized by Emily Davison, when she threw herself under a horse after hearing Posh Spice sing with Dane Bowers. Later the suffragette’s 1918 ‘Representation of the People Act’ would be eclipsed by the more comprehensive 1998 ‘Girl Power Act’.

Previously crowds had turned out to see the Spice Girls released from Holloway Prison and their contract with Simon Fuller. A spokeswoman said: ‘It’s time to forgive and forget. Like forgiving the Spice Girls’ Musical, while forgetting the real ages of the band. The Spice Girls are Feminism - provided you don’t mind lip-syncing to some words a guy wrote’.

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Tory MPs sorted into ‘rape suspects’, ‘quitters’ and ‘candidates’

In a move designed to help voters know who not to vote for, all Conservative MPs are to be categorised according to whether they have been charged with a sexual offence, have thrown in the towel or wish to be considered for re-election. Some will be in two categories i.e. arrested for rape but decided to stand anyway.

‘An MP is innocent until proven guilty’, a spokesman reminded us. ‘Just because a person has been arrested on suspicion of (checks notes) rape and drug offences, doesn’t mean they’ve done anything wrong’.

The Party will produce a slimmed-down list of ‘sitting MPs who have not yet been found out or given up’ so that voters know who to ignore when the General Election finally comes.

Plans to include a category of ‘corruption and/or selling access to Parliament’ was rejected on the basis that it might be considered ‘entrepreneurial’ and therefore good for the economy.

Image: stablediffusionweb.com