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The Duke, the scourge of political correctness, will no longer be touring working men’s clubs with his Bernard Manning tribute act. He was always a firm favourite at the Royal Variety Performance, with ribald songs, ethnic stereotypes and saucy ‘Queen Mother-in-law’ jokes. Currently his Royal Duties will be limited to measuring the ‘slitty-eyed-ness’ of foreign dignitaries and paying hush money to Diana’s security guards.
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The mushroom foraging literature sector has been flooded with free books written entirely by Artificial Intelligences, it has been discovered.
Professor of Doom at Westward Ho! University, James Cameroon confirmed, 'Those sneaky bastard A.I.s have done for us in the most elegant and Machiavellian of manners. We were all expecting them to take control of computer defence systems and nuke us out of existence. But instead, they cunningly wrote and published a load of fungi foraging guides with the other type of deadly mushroom slipped in.
'It's just so dastardly. They calculated that every community contains precisely the right number of secret food foragers, and that following the August blackberrying rampage, they would scour local woodlands for species of edible shrooms. Who doesn't like a free bit of grub provided by nature? Craftily, they included harmless varieties, interspersed with ones which would finish us off.
'I myself provided some tasty looking toadstools for the Sunday family dinner, and now we all have terminal kidney failure. Luckily, I've found a series of books on Amazon which show you how to do your own organ transplants, so we're going to survive.'
Photo by Andrew Ridley on Unsplash
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