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Trigonometry has been rocked by a dispute over preferential treatment afforded to triangles with sides of equal length.
Self-proclaimed leader of the isosceles triangles, Trigger Broom, has today launched a campaign to raise awareness for the plight of triangles which are not equilateral. 'We need society to view this from the right angle,' announced Broom at a convention for those of three sides.
'Just because some bisectors of society all meet in the middle, why should that exclude a cute isosceles shape like me? This is a warning sign to those with aesthetic prejudices, and it's long past time this thinking was turned on its head: they must give way.
'There's no rational reason why we can't also be included in box girder bridges. It's just because of age old structures which promote equilaterals to the apex of society. It's an ancient pyramid scheme which is obtuse.
'These demands apply to all triangles, no matter their background. Except those ugly scalene f*ckers.'
The conference was brought to an abrupt end due to a heated debate which was measured at 180 degrees inside.
Photo by the blowup on Unsplash
Grandstanding at his bi-monthly meeting, Sam Goater (35) declared he would go the extra mile - while keeping both fingers firmly crossed. In fact, he has no plans to do anything that will involve extra effort, a millisecond of inconvenience or the slimmest possibility that he might help someone.
One tearful colleague spoke of how impressed they were by Sam's sacrifice: 'You just don't often see acts of generosity like that'. Which is true. They hadn't. Sadly, 'taking one for the team' has become code for 'I'm ruthlessly ambitious and at the first opportunity I'll backstab the lot of you for a promotion.'
Said Sam: 'Last month I promised to 'leave no stone unturned' and to give '110 %' - in reality I just sat at my desk and played solitaire. I'm going to have these guys for breakfast. There may be no 'I' in Team, but there is plenty of meat.'
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