top of page
Search
As a direct result of Brexit, the people who commit murder on the Orient Express have decided to outsource their killing to the EU. 'You just can't get efficient killers in the UK these days,' said an Orient Express murder organiser, adding, 'of course you can get inefficient killers, people who kill through neglect and greed. Most Tory MPs would happily accept a free ticket for the Orient Express and then spend the whole journey not negotiating with nurses and doctors, or prevaricating over lockdowns when its blindingly obvious they're going to be needed, but getting them to murder someone in a sneaky, hard to crack case is a tough one.
'The other reason is the paucity of detectives to solve serious crimes. With cuts to the police over the last 13 years we've lost our Holmes, Poirots and Morses, but retained our Clouseaus. We've even deported Kato.'
Anjem Choudary has been jailed for five-and-a-half years, primarily on evidence surrounding his wayward son Billy-Ray. At the Old Bailey, Mrs Springfield provided a posthumous eyewitness account of being radicalized by Billy-Ray’s sweet-talkin commitment to a 60’s caliphate.
QC: Was Mr. Choudary’s son the only one who could reach you?
MRS SPRINGFIELD: Yes he was,
QC: Was he the son of a radicalized preacher?
MRS SPRINGFIELD: He was.
QC: And Billy-Ray was the only one to teach you?
MRS SPRINGFIELD: Ooh, yes he was
A MI5 spokeswoman said: ‘Don’t be fooled by someone kissing you and telling you everything is all right. If you encounter a son of a Preacher man, our advice is don’t look into his eyes and avoid the Liza Minnelli cover version’.
If you enjoyed this archive item, why not buy thousands of archive stories found in our eBooks, paperbacks and hardbacks?
bottom of page