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All children know the story of The Funktastic Prince - living with two ugly sisters (played by Rick James and George Clinton) and the seven dwarfs of the Revolution. Unfortunately squabbling over his inheritance has swelled the cast of characters to include hundreds of new fictitious relatives.
A state judge has ruled that 29 separate claims to musician’s estate have not met basic fairy-tale plausibility; involving a combination of frog kissing and the removal of a sword from stone. ‘We will be adopting the glass slipper metric, matching a DNA sample of foot fungal scrapings, taken from a paisley sneaker - size 4, circa 1985.’
Unable to wake him from his magical slumber, caused by the opioid Fentanyl, no claimant has yet squeezed into the Prince's uber-skinny lamé leggings. 'Who shall ever make this purple crop-top/chain-mask combo work, will be wed to $300m. And I'll bet five magic beans and a bag of Prince's magic fairy dust, that the balance will be in the red by midnight.’
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The government has denied it has allowed inflation to rise. 'The cause of inflation is clearly inflation, and we're not responsible for that,' said a government spokesperson. 'If there wasn't any inflation, it wouldn't cause any inflation and we'd have zero inflation, or less,' he added.
A minister accused the public for the inflation. 'They've been paying inflated prices for food and drink, that's the reason inflation has gone up. We haven't - in the House of Commons cooked meals have never been cheaper, and in the bar the booze is dirt cheap, whereas greedy poor people insist on using food banks stocked with inflated price foodstuffs and buying meths from Tesco. Ergo the poor are driving up inflation and it looks like it's only the government trying to keep it down,' he said while sipping a vintage wine in the Strangers Bar at a quarter of the normal retail price.
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