Trump tells Fox: 'I am your father‏'

In a surprise plot twist the Republican front-runner has revealed a symbiotic relationship with the news corporation; shortly before chopping off Megyn Kelly's hand and throwing her down an abyss. Having spent so long looking for a Republican father figure, Fox had never considered the possibility that Trump was Anakin Skywalker, but with more of an irrational fear of Islamic Ewoks.

Having fronted the show ‘Sith Apprentice’, being voiced by James Earl Jones and creepily talking about how shaggable Princess Leia is, all the clues were there. In a perfect example of 'be careful what you wish for', Fox had spent years demonizing President Obama, only to now discover what a real demon can act like. One journalist commented: ‘If you keep playing the bigotry card long enough you end up with the Trump card. Basically, Fox got out-foxed'

All advent calendar doors have a landlord behind them

Unbeknownst to most children, private landlords have acquired all Xmas property, designating the stable in Nazareth as a luxury family size apartment, with parking for one donkey. Spiralling energy costs have been passed directly to renters, meaning the average monthly advent calendar costs £2754.

Said one dispirited child: 'Behind one door was a leaking boiler, that the landlord refused to repair. Another had black mould. Whereas three doors were already occupied, before I even knew they had gone on the market.'

The final advent door has a spurious invoice for damage done to the other doors, meaning not only is there no Santa but you also lose your deposit.

www.newsbiscuit.com

Image: blende12 | Pixabay

Bankman-Fried: I hope to repay crypto losses. And cure cancer. And land on Mars

.