top of page


Elon Musk – a high tech version of Dickens’ Scrooge – has said that blue ticks on Twitter accounts will now cost $8/month as that is the amount that Musk believes the identities of peasants are truly worth. Many Twitter employees will now not only be sacked, but also blasted into space in a Tesla.


Musk has a history of making unusual and outrageous claims, including that Elon is a normal name. He recently confirmed that he was an arsehole having a mid-life crisis by wearing a leather jacket and saying he would vote Republican. Musk was recently voted the billionaire most likely to become a Bond villain, one #HollowedOutVolcano at a time.



image form pixabay



With the intention of proving he is a man of his word, the Prime Minister intends to make a statement to the nation about how he intends to improve the reputation of his party; and by definition, the British government.


Newsbiscuit understands the statement will begin by outlining the massive task ahead is one that needs to be taken a step at a time and with this in mind, expects the PM to announce that corrupt ministers will be sacked on days that don't include a Y. It is hoped that February will have fewer government cock ups than anticipated in December and January.



image from pixabay

bottom of page