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Having announced a multi-billion pound plan that promised tax cuts for those who avoid paying any tax, the Tory party has been left in an embarrassing position, not dissimilar to that of a man who took his entire family our for a slap up meal, only to find that having told them to eat and drink whatever they wanted, his credit card was declined.
It appears the chancellor was unaware of how just much his predecessor had been asked by the previous Prime Minister to spaff away on the nation's credit card, which is now maxed out. Having made his fiscal statement in the Commons and ensured it received maximum publicity, the Chancellor has been forced to ask his fellow MPs if they can help him out with the bill.
After emptying their pockets, Tory MPs have so far donated a dozen betting slips, seven unused condoms, two thrupenny bits and three farthings.
A General remarked: ‘We’re here to navigate the difficult path from conflict to peace, and to decide whether it’s this week that the garden waste bin goes out. Marital lines have been crossed, with both homeowners blaming the other for atrocities, such as trying to sneak pizza boxes in with the recycling.
‘We’ve seen examples of war crimes, with bin bags not being tied up and someone leaving week-old prawns uncovered. Neighbours have taken collateral damage, with unattended polystyrene packaging blowing up and down the cul-de-sac. We’ve even had reports of flowerbed border incursions and what looks to be a child’s mattress dumped on a lawn.
‘You’re going to see a lot of blue helmets on the ground – which will probably be filled with old tea bags’.
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