.
top of page
Search
Statistics show that the majority of owners have spell like abilities and are waiting for the 'chosen one' to accidently walk into their store. The witch/wizard will then reveal to the chosen one the prophecy and the series of magical tasks they must complete.
Said one berobed owner: 'I deliberately extend my opening hours to midnight, to allow for adventurers to visit. I'll then lurk around the occult and self-help section, only revealing myself at the creepiest moment'.
The report concludes that of these owners most look to be over 100 years old, are curmudgeonly and have eyebrows that defy all logic. All will greet visitors with the phrase 'found what you're looking for?', all have half moon spectacles and everyone will insist that any grimoire is only available in hardback, to bump up the price.
photo: https://pixabay.com/users/djedj-59194/
The White House Press Secretary has admitted that Joe Biden was cremated in an "unfortunate error" this morning. After a whole week without autocue gaffes or bicycle incidents, the President was assumed to be dead.
'In hindsight, we should have sought a doctor's opinion,' admits Vice-President Harris. 'But due to the President having COVID, health and safety rules meant doctors are only allowed to stand outside the White House window and peek in at him.'
This is believed to be the biggest embarrassment for the White House since Ronald Reagan was accidentally buried alive in 1988, when he was mistaken for dead after a week-long siesta.
However, constitutional experts believe Biden can still discharge his duties, and there can be "no serious objection" to sending his ashes to represent America at the next G7 summit.
'It introduces a new level of diversity to the office", said a White House spokesman. 'Mr Biden is our first Combustion-American President.'
bottom of page