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In front of an audience of millions, a frail 56-year old woman collapsed onto a nubile dancer - impaling him on a pair of spiked breasts. While the O2 crowd were shocked to see the young dancer bleed to death, the elderly Madonna Louise Ciccone survived the incident thanks to the elasticity of a body, made solely from silicone.
Descending on a diamond encrusted Stannah stair-lift, Madonna put on a brave face – which involved several collagen injections. She reassured fans that she would not let the incident change her lifestyle but would not be opening the front door to strangers any time soon. A spokesman for Age Concern said: ‘Nobody wants to see a quinquagenarian dry-humping a Zimmer frame. They deserve dignity, not choreography involving mobility scooters and bondage gear’.
https://pixabay.com/photos/stair-lift-lame-help-tools-1230595
After five days and with the light fading, Gloucestershire Police conceded that the ball has vanished without a trace. Over one hundred officers were drafted in from neighbouring constabularies. With the help of helicopters and bloodhounds, they covered a twenty-mile radius,
Said the golfer: ‘I’d only hit the ball 500 yards into thick jungle, so I fully expected to find it. After a cursory five-minute search, I notified missing persons and the coast guard – just to be on the safe side.
‘I haven’t ruled out kidnapping by international sex traffickers or it might have fallen down a rabbit hole, you just don’t know. I’ll never give up hope of finding it or of getting a birdy on the 16th.’
The golfer’s next of kin has been notified. Although his wife said, that since he took up golf, he had also been missing for the last ten years.
Image: halodesigner | Pixabay
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