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Crew of the Titanic right not to issue life saving equipment to drowning passengers

“We don’t want to give them hopes of surviving the icy cold conditions,'' said a spokesperson for The White Star Line. They went on to defended the wait for policy announcements, saying, "it was right that whoever got the top job, after the Captain locked himself in the wheelhouse, would want to look at all of the options, properly costed" when they take charge.

"They will do more - you don't have long to wait," Tom the Cabin Boy told BBC Radio Four's Today programme, while slipping into a low cut evening gown and announcing, "Women and children first!” through a loud hailer. "It is clear that this will be absolutely at the top of their in tray," he went on, as he snatched a cork Life Preserver from a passing child.

The Ship's Pursers added“The company has already said that any passengers who drown will get a full refund on their tickets. Providing they present them to the New York Office, in person, with proof of death. Third Class and Steerage passengers will also receive a free pencil.

"Second Class Passengers are also likely to need with keeping afloat, but they should try using thicker pyjamas to form makeshift lifebelts as they learned in school”, the Purser also explained. "All the lifeboats are taken up by First Class Passengers and company representatives, who will also benefit from any life saving equipment available". He said the company was exploring "all the options" to help those people.

Both Liz Truss and Rishi Sunak, one of whom will be announced as the next Captain on 5 September, have pledged further support, though neither has given details. Until that time they have busied themselves rearranging the deck chairs

Speaking via the Telegraph, the Radio Operator said “Dot dot dot, dash dash dash, dot dot dot!!!|”

Photo by NOAA on Unsplash

Old Man Demonstrates how he used to do Texting in the Good Old Days

Winner: Sinnick

Runners-Up: "Fly, my children, and bring me more souls that I may thrust into my aching maw." (Lockjaw);

"Donald began to realise that "The Birds" would not easily translate into street theatre." (Flash Arry).

Special Mention for Services to Alliteration: "Portuguese Pigeons Prefer Peanuts to Popcorn." (higginson.chris)