T
he government has admitted they feel under some pressure to maintain the high standard of scandals that the public have come to expect.
A Downing Street spokesman explained, "Corruption, indifference, sex, incompetence, porn, it feels like we've done everything, so we've set up a committee to plan the next one. It will be chaired by Chris Grayling. Ah."
Luke Lyle should have put up some shelves over the bank holiday weekend, but became hypnotised by coverage of the World Snooker Championship.
'I only switched it on to check the latest scores. The next thing I knew it was Monday night, John Virgo was narrating my inner monologue and I was surrounded by take away containers, empty beer cans and a sense of melancholy at what might have been. Where is the cue ball going?'
Girlfriend Tara Taylor was disappointed but not surprised. 'Our relationship was as rocky as Judd Trump's long game at the start of the final. Oh my god, a snooker analogy? What have I become? I'm going to end things with Luke, go outside, get some daylight. Metaphorically, that set of unbuilt shelves is doing some heavy lifting.'
photo: https://pixabay.com/users/mastertux-470906/
