Transport for London turn down heating on buses to reduce crowding

The government has welcomed an initiative to keep "wrinklies" off the buses by turning off the heating and leaving the doors open.

'This is the kind of initiative that the country needs, enthused Minister of Transport, Grant Shapps, 'If poor people have to travel, why not make some room on the bus? Although Transport for London introduced the policy, I can reveal that the idea came from the Prime-Minister himself.'

There are also plans not stop at bus stops if the people queuing "look like scroungers".

photo: https://pixabay.com/users/jplenio-7645255/

Soldiers agree to 20% pay cut to work from home

Following an initiative from a London law firm, the Ministry of Defence has said many soldiers have agreed to take a pay cut to work from home. They denied the decision by squaddies is to avoid having to work from the Polish border instead.

'The army is full of resourceful people and we believe it is possible to practice marching in step with a couple of hundred virtual avatars on a Peloton and Call of Duty is a perfect way to practise tactics and weapon drills,' said a MoD spokesperson today. Critics have pointed out that people parking tanks in suburban areas was already a problem, and if they have to move their BMW SUVs so that the army workers can park at home the situation will likely become worse.

photo: https://pixabay.com/users/thepixelman-406384/

'Pro-life' US Supreme Court considers rights of fetus to bear arms