Chelsea Pensioners to be taken over by LA Coffin Dodgers

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Polling staff request dogs tied to railings outside of polling stations are removed

As the polls closed the staff at polling stations have realised the statistically improbable average of 2.7 mongrel dogs tethered to the railings outside polling stations aren't going to be collected.

'It was great when the photographers were here,' said one polling station manager, 'because the press aren't allowed to photograph members of the public so it gives them something to photograph. But now we have a collection of dogs, a mountain of turds, I've spent the tea and coffee budget on Winalot and I can't go home until I've rehoused the mutts,' he added.

Experts are predicting a surplus of hang-dog photographs in the coming days in the press, but as one noted 'that's Boris' normal demeanour these days,'.

Brazilian Beauticians Unhappy about No Mow May

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