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The cannon is designed to relive the capital of unpleasant faecal impaction – or in laymen’s terms ‘six years of Boris as mayor’. Yet, Mr. Johnson has made it clear that there is only room for one stubborn turd in London’s glistening poop shoot.
An aide explained: ‘Think of Mr. Johnson as an unwanted piece of sweetcorn. At best he’s an irritant, at worst he’s a blockage to the body politic. And it’ll take one giant douchebag to get rid of another giant douchebag’.
The same teenagers admit that the main causes of self-consciousness in the shower were body self-image, duelling banjos or someone called Big Gonzo telling you to ‘pick up the soap’. This also follows on from similar research from the 70s, that proved that most teenagers refuse to masturbate when watched by a sinister man in a lab coat.
One aging PE teacher commented: ‘I used to watch the kids shower all the time. I’d even help them lather up their privates when they missed a bit. Unfortunately, in the mid-80s a change in Head Mistress, the subsequent court case and someone setting fire to my car, stopped my fastidious ways’
When asked why two out of three girls never took a shower after a PE lesson, one girl replied: ‘Stop looking at me! How did you get in here? Was it you that drilled that hole in the wall? Put down that camera!’
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