Old folk congregating in Iceland to keep warm

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Crash test dummies to become non-gender specific

Following a report that women are almost twice as likely to be trapped in crashed vehicle, safety experts dismissed questions about the ratio of crashed vehicles that were driven by women compared to men, instead blaming the issue on the fact that the safety testing dummies are all male.

When asked why female dummies hadn't been used, it apparently transpires to have been due to a poliical decision made by John Prescott, who as Transport Minister, called a halt to the use of female dummies on the basis that they too expensive to replace when they kept crashing the cars they drove.

Plans are afoot to use non-gender specific dummies from now on, however this has raised objections from androgynous groups on the basis that it might be used to suggest they didn't ought to be allowed on the road. We approached the trans MP for Bridgend for a comment, but they declined.

Sue Gray to produce report into Sue Gray report

Following the finalisation of the Metropolitan Police investigation into Partygate, the government has decided it needs to carry out a report into the Sue Gray report before it can release it. A government spokesman said, 'clearly this could have serious ramifications so we need to make sure we understand what they are and what we need to do to ensure we react correctly to the Sue Gray report, so the Prime Minister has asked Sue Gray to look into the the Sue Gray report and to produce a report into the impact of the release of the Sue Gray report.'

The report is expected to take six to twelve months to complete, but the Prime Minister has promised that the Sue Gray report into the Sue Gray report will be published 'without delay' when it is finished and considers that will draw a line under the whole affair as, he explained, it completes his promise to publish the Sue Gray report without delay. When asked about the original Sue Gray report that this Sue Gray report is reporting on the spokesman said, 'oh, look, an MP watching porn on his phone, ' and left the building before he could be asked any more questions.

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