Jacob Rees-Mogg's New Sex Doll Arrives

Winner: stewartbarclay

Runners-Up: "After once more shedding her outer skin, the Queen's old shell is placed on display outside Palace" (Adrian Bamforth); "Old lady reports theft of two massive white horses" (deskpilot).

Hadron Collider re-calibrated to detect Boris’s integrity

A scientist explained: ‘We are looking for the smallest part of the Universe, which we believe is the PM’s sub-atomic ethical impulse. Previously, the smallest element was Boris’s loyalty as a spouse.’

Other small things the collider will detect are Brexit dividends, Priti Patel’s love of immigrants and Liz Truss’ chance of posing for a non-stupid photograph. ‘We hope that once we find the PM’s integrity, this will open up an alternate Universe, where he knows what he is doing’.

Image from Pixabay by geralt

Russian tank factory receives more armour components