A spokesperson confirmed: ‘A place of outstanding natural beauty has been vandalized with childish daubing. There’s no way this illegible scrawl was the work of an actual tattoo artist, instead we suspect a drunken chimpanzee. The culprit will be punished by death or tickets to Harry’s next concert –whichever is worse’.
During the 70’s they took part a sustained campaign of sustained grumpiness and 'arsey post-it notes'. Gerry Adams admitted to willfully slamming doors in the Northern Ireland Assembly. While the IRA regularly used the phrase 'fine - whatever!'.
This technique was said to have backfired during discussions on Irish unification, when they accidently muttered: ‘Right, we'll stay, does that make you happy?'.
A former New Jersey school superintendent who admitted to regularly pooping on school playing fields has developed a device that fits into the anus to enable poo to be extruded in a variety of unusual shapes.
The man who now works as a cake decorator had his eureka moment when he read an article about square wombat plops and realised he would never have been caught if his turds were in aesthetically pleasing form. While applying royal icing to a wedding cake, it occurred to him that all he needed were hollow butt plug variants which would enable faeces to be extruded into a variety of shapes.
Planned initially to appeal to pedigree dog owners who don't clear up after their pets, but would like others to know which breed of dog produced the excrement they just stepped in, the devices will have breed-specific shaped extruders.
He is currently attempting to source crowdfunding for his idea and is optimistic that 'designer poo' will become the next great rage in civilised society.
Image from Pixabay by ThomasWolter
