top of page
Search

PRISM follows you on Twitter


NSA’s data mining program confirmed: ‘Twitter helpfully provided a directory of insightful celebrities to follow – but we picked you. It’s hardly surprising, given what you’ve been up to. Don’t be embarrassed. We’ve read everything you’ve ever written…said or thought.


‘Hey, we’ve been working on a few skits, nothing big, but we thought you could take a look? Give us a few pointers? What d’ya think? It’s probably not a good idea to say no to us. After what we did to bin Laden. Do the math. We like math’.




IMAGE: https://pixabay.com/users/fotoart-treu-796002/

Devon estate agent first in UK to use war as reason for sluggish housing market


An estate agent in Honiton has told clients that the Russian invasion of Ukraine is the reason behind the current sluggish housing market in the southwest and has nothing to do with their overly inflated prices.

After nearly two years of solid growth, property prices in the region have begun to stabilise and, in some cases, fallen.


But estate agent Jake Alexander says the recent slump in house sales is due to the ongoing war in Europe and not the preposterous valuations of bang average properties.


'Whenever there is a war thousands of miles away from our shores, the worst casualty - if you will pardon the pun - is always UK house prices.

It's not our fault that your property is not selling - you are the unfortunate victim of a situation beyond our control.'

'A derelict two-bedroom bungalow in need of total renovation with a guide price of £400,000 would typically fly off the shelf here in Devon. But as soon as Russian tanks started rolling into Kyiv, the UK property market down here slowed down. Any sane person would expect that kind of a reaction.


The sooner Russia occupies Ukraine and they stop shelling perfectly good property, the sooner house prices here in the UK will start to climb again.'



Ukraine's internet connections still outperforming TalkTalk Broadband



Despite coming under heavy bombardment from Russian artillery, Ukraine's internet connections are still outpacing the UK's TalkTalk broadband service, according to an intercepted email.

The email, sent from homeworker Sergei Butrov, detailed how pleased he was with his seamless broadband despite his block of flats being targeted by a 500-pound bunker-buster bomb earlier this morning and the subsequent death of his family.

Butrov's claims have raised further questions about TalkTalk's unpreparedness should thermonuclear war interfere with UK-based broadband services, bearing in mind the number of people working from home.

"Is great," said Sergei in the brief communication. "I read from CNN about Ukraine flag on EU building and somehow delay in NATO troop reinforcement. It piss all over your TalkTalk."



bottom of page